


When We Rise

by RuiAN



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: And I didn’t profit nor intend to profit from this work at all, Different plot than TV, F/F, I do NOT own any of these characters, Just don’t want to get into any trouble so I need to be clear, be aware of the swearing, finished work, my first fic so please bear with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2020-09-27 02:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 48,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20399983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuiAN/pseuds/RuiAN
Summary: Maybe Serena Joy Waterford does have a heart? Or at least a piece?





	1. What the FUCK is going on?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I’m Rui. Nice to meet you all.  
This is my first fic here and first fic in English. Since English is not my first language, i apologize in advance for any mistakes (i really do suck at grammar). But i promise you i’m doing the best i can.  
I really love the relationship between these two and i’ve had the most fun reading fanfics about them here. So i decided to give it a try (and because there’s just not enough fics about them!). Hope you guys enjoy it.  
Comment to tell me what you think or correct my grammar mistakes (much appreciated).  
But the most important things? HAVE FUN and BE AWESOME. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

June was fucking confused.

It’s been three days since Serena first TOUCHED her.

* * *

It was two months after June’s assignment to the Waterfords. The second ceremony night to be exact.

Earlier that day, by the order of Mrs.Waterford, she already completed the ceremony ritual with Nick. Well, at least the sex part. _Fucking Waterfords._

And when the clock struck eight at night, she’s spread wide open on the bed, staring at the ceiling, detached.

_You’re not here, this is not you._June kept telling herself.

Suddenly an unfamiliar feeling brought her back to the antique and probably-black-market-bed.

It was Serena.

She was supposed to hold June, well ****Offred****, down and nothing more. And sure, being THE Serena Waterford she is, she held June down by both of her wrists with just a little more force than necessary. But other than that, nothing more.

Not this time.

June already had Fred under her fingers and eyes, so he was proceeding the ceremony in a secretly passionate way, or so he thought anyway.

But Serena? She refused to look at June or even her husband during the first ceremony and just stared at a random spot trying to burn a hole in the air.

_Did she just caressed my wrist with her thumb? _June considered the possibility then decided against it.

_You’re losing your mind Osborne, get your fucking shit together._

Then it happened. Again.

And this time June felt it.

She felt it as clearly as that time when she went to the beach and tried to learn how to swim only ended up getting smacked in the face by the waves. It hurts but it was also unambiguous.

Serena Joy Fucking Waterford just TOUCHED her (and it’s not a slap in the face but a gentle touch with feelings and shit).

* * *

Serena really wanted a baby of her own.

That’s why she created Gilead.

It’s really not that fun to watch another person getting raped, especially when the rape’s your order. But Serena couldn’t help herself from staring. There’s something fascinating about how a child was made and Serena wanted a baby so bad that she sanctified that process.

And another reason she couldn’t move her eyes away was that, just for a second, she wondered what if it’s her instead of Nick who’s giving Offred a baby.**** Her baby.****

The thought made her nauseous and tremble from joy at the same time.

Serena couldn’t have gotten out of the ceremony quicker.

The great almighty Serena Waterford practically fled the crime scene (because it was) and almost destroyed the doorframe on her way out, which was definitely unlike her usual composed and restrained self.

She went straight to her greenhouse. It was always like a therapy for her. But now even the brightest rose couldn’t brighten her eyes.

The always perfect bun behind her head now loose and her lungs aching for a cigarette. She stared at the mud in front of her and felt her finger twitched slightly.

She watched the light of her and Fred’s bedroom dimmed then dead, she watched the light of Offred’s bedroom came up and the reflection of her on the window, she watched that reflection moved and stopped.

Serena was in there for a long time.

* * *

Three days later, June’s ****still**** a Handmaid.

_Blessed be the fucking fruit._

The first day was awkward to say the least. And strange.

June didn’t see Serena for the whole day. Not that she’s complaining but there’s not many places a wife could go. She secretly checked all of them but it’s like Serena just vanished. And that, June doesn’t know why, bothers her.

The second day Serena finally showed up and she acted like nothing happened. ****Nothing.****

That made June want to cut her eyes out.

But she ****did**** try to avoid June’s eyes on purpose.

On the third day, June just got back from her daily grocery shopping and about to take everything out then head upstairs.

That’s when Mrs.Waterford chose to come in.

Perfect bun, heals, teal dress and that fucking face.

In another lifetime or universe, June probably would give this face an eight and a smooch with tequila breath if the time was right. But now she’s doing everything she can to NOT rip that face off and smash the machine parts underneath it.

“Offred, come with me.”

_THAT tone again, shit._

“Yes, Mrs.Waterford.”

June noticed the hem of Serena’s teal dress barely moved while they were going upstairs. _Is she a witch? Well, she’s certainly crazy enough to be one._

Serena stepped into Offred’s little room and stopped in the middle of it then turned around.

June just waited by the door, piously.

“Close the door.”

_Geez, would it kill this woman to NOT be a fucking prude all the time? _

June obeyed but still rolled her eyes.

“Stay there, don’t turn around.”

_Okay, that’s a first. _Not that June enjoyed watching Serena’s resting bitch face, but normally when a wife is talking to you, you just HAVE to face them to show respect and of course keep your mouth shut. It’s basically Handmaid 101.

“Good.”

_Good? What the fuck does that mean?_

So there she was. NOT lying on a bed, NOT staring at a ceiling, and certainly NOT spreading her anything in anyway.But_ why does this still feel so fucking wrong on so many levels?_

She’s right after all.

She knew it when she felt her dress wiggled. A hand, a finger, was ghosting around her backside. First waist, then shoulder, then neck. God knows June has a sensitive neck. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and June tensed up before she could stop it.

_Great, here goes another slap._

But it wasn’t a slap she felt that surprised her, it was warmth.

The warmth of another person. The kind of warmth you would feel when the sun shines on your face, the kind of warmth you would feel when you take a sip of hot cocoa in the winter, the kind of warmth you would feel when you’re with the people you care about.

And THAT’S the problem, June Osborne or Offred was not and never will be somebody Serena Joy Waterford cares about, or was/will she?

Another feeling of warmth stopped June’s wandering mind. This time the warmth felt different. It’s firmer and much more steadier. One finger, two fingers, and then the whole hand landed on the small of June’s back, sending a not-wanted-shiver down to her spine.

June’s breath went shallow and she closed her eyes for just a second, and when she opened her eyes she thought to herself--

_\--What the FUCK is going on?_


	2. What is your problem?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's me again.  
I've already written two chapters so i thought i should just give it to you guys.  
This one is longer than the first so enjoy.  
I'm currently working on the third chapter and i've already had a whole plot for this work.  
And yes the Title "When We Rise" is because of that TV show (Which i do not own). I really love that show.  
And i have a huge crush on Mary-Louise Parker.
> 
> Again, I do NOT own any of these characters.

_Rougher than silk but smoother than fine sand,_ was what crossed June’s mind when she closed her eyes for just a second.

And she detested herself for that.

* * *

She wanted to scream and punch Serena in the face. But instead when Serena’s hand slid along her hip bone and landed on her underbelly, she exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and relaxed, just a little bit.

_Well, if this is how it’s gonna go._

June came up with at least three ways to kill Serena. First, the bathtub. Rita already ran her a hot bath before she even came home (and that’s why they’re friends, sort of). _Drowning in a bathtub seems like a pleasant way to paradise for a wife._ Then there’s the window. _Blessed be the villadom._ And if anything went wrong, she can always use her hands. Serena may be taller, but June’s stronger. She’s doing things way more heavier than knitting on a daily basis. 

June’s little list went on and on until she felt the person behind her shifted.

_This is it. This is your chance Osborne._

June’s brain malfunctioned when she felt Serena’s other hand joined the one that’s on her underbelly and circled her from behind.

A hug.

A fucking hug.

_Well, how am i suppose to kill her now?_

* * *

Serena hugged June for a long time, during which she closed her eyes and just thought about nothing for the first time in a long time.

She forgot about how Fred was behaving during the ceremony, she forgot about how painful it was after she got shot, and she forgot about how June was looking at her with a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen the first time they met.

She stood there with a Handmaid in her arms.

Just another day at the Waterford household.

Serena let go of June the second she heard the car outside, and she went back to her usual bitch-self. She went for the door nob and for a second she stopped, then turned her head slightly as if she was trying to say something. But no, silence was what echoing in the room alongside with the sound of door being shut.

June, on the other hand, was fucking confused. Again.

“You’re home.”Serena greeted her husband with a peck on the cheek.

“Yes, blessed be the commanders who also wants to go home.” Fred’s mouth turned up around the corner while replying.

“I’ll be in my office.” Fred was gone before Serena got the chance to say anything.

Rita was about to ask them whether they were ready for diner when she stepped into the living room. But once she saw the look on Serena’s face, without missing a beat, she went to the kitchen pretending to find a recipe and then wandered to the stairs when she “couldn’t find them”.

* * *

June was sitting on the edge of the bed when Rita came in.

“Are you okay?” was the first thing that came out of Rita’s mouth.

“Yeah, i’m...fine.” was June’s reply.

“That’s it, i swear to God if another one of you act like this...” Rita mumbled something while closing the door then sat right next to June.

“Are you okay?”Rita asked again.

June was about to roll her eyes when she realized Rita’s gaze was on her stomach.

“Of course, for someone who’s won the lottery of being poked for at least once a month. I’m extremely well.” June did roll her eyes but in a more friendlier way and turned to Rita.

Rita scanned her face with her owl-like-eyes and finally decided to let June off the hook.

“Are you hungry? I’ll go fix you some dinner.”

“Don’t you have stuff to do? Mr.Waterford just got back.”

“Oh no, i’m not going back there any time soon.” Rita perked her right eyebrow while saying.

With that information, June looked at Rita’s face with question marks in her eyes.

But Rita didn’t say anything else, instead she just patted June’s knee couple times and went downstairs.

_What happened down there?_

* * *

June finished her diner and went downstairs to wash the plates. The Waterford household wasn’t exactly vibrant but tonight it feels quieter than usual. June let the water run slowly and tried to listen to anything uncommon, but all she could hear was the sound of her own heartbeats.

Just when she’s about to head back to her room, June noticed the door of Fred’s office was not entirely shut but left a crack. The dim lights escaped from within and with the nightfall it looked like one of those lights people used to talked about. You know, the kind of lights you hope to see when you reached the other side.

_Like hell i would wish for that._ June was almost amused by this thought of hers and she would’ve laughed (like really laughed) if it weren’t for the given circumstances.

_Do i really want to know? Curiosity won’t get you far in Gilead, i’ve learned that lesson before. But maybe bravery will?_

She walked towards the open door and at first she just listened.

Only the sound of book pages being turned and occasionally the teacup touching the saucer.

_So it’s only Fred then._

June pushed the doorframe slightly and just like her imagined: Fred Waterford was sitting on his leather chair with a book in his hands. He’s wearing the now-wrinkled-shirt with suspenders and his tie was nowhere to be found.

“Mr.Waterford.” He looked really intrigued by his book so June decided to take the initiative. She clutched her hands subconsciously.

“Ah, It’s you. Come. Did you have a good day?” _He seems...joyful? Then why did Rita said what she said?_

“Yes, Mr.Waterford. I did.” June said the words then looked up into Fred’s eyes. _Is he smiling?_

“Good, blessed be the fruit.” _Oh he ****definitely**** is. Nice, i can work with that._

“May the lord open.” She added just that one little layer of flirt in her tone, and she’s glad to see Fred’s smile turned into a little grin.

_I still got it._

June always had a unique sense of humor and nobody could understand that except for Moira and Luke, so she best-friended one and married another.

Luke.

** **Luke.** **

Her heart ached and missed a beat every time she thought about him.

_What will Luke think of all this? Of me?_

That’s her only thought when she walked towards Fred’s office table.

“How about you, Mr. Waterford?” Still that flirty tone. _Men are so easy sometimes._

“Not bad, it’s been a long day of meetings but i’m pleased with the outcome.”

_The outcome? Was ****that**** the problem?_

“But enough with the dull matters, i have the Scrabble with me.” He reached into his drawer and took out the Scrabble, walked to the little table in front of the fireplace and sat done with an ease that made June jealous.

“You missed this didn’t you?” said Fred five minutes into the game.

“Yes, Mr.Waterford. I did.” June’s not lying, she did miss playing Scrabble. _But not with you._

And with that sentence, Fred’s little grin turned into a big shit-eating one.

* * *

“Did you hear that?”

It’s been an hour since they started playing. It’s Fred’s turn so June was having a little adventure with her eyes and ears.

_He always plays the game so seriously. _June hate to admit it but she’s having much more fun playing Scrabble than she thought she would.

And suddenly she heard something. No. ****Someone****.

It’s like a little cough. The kind of noise you would make when your throat is itchy. So that’s why she felt like there’s someone watching them play this entire time.

“No, what is it?” Fred looked up from the game, apparently he just completed another word.

“Nothing, i’m probably just tired.” June flashed a little smile and yawned a little.

“Yes, you must been, silly me.” He took a look at the watch on his wrist. “It’s pretty late.”

“You win. Congratulations Mr.Waterford.” June didn’t even look down at the Scrabble and she certainly hasn’t been keeping scores.

“Indeed. Well there’s always next time.” He stroked the loosened hair out of his face then stood up.

“Well, until next time then.” June stoop up before he could. All she wanted to do was to find out who’s the person that’s been watching them.

“Until next time.” Fred kissed her cheek before walked her to the door.

She gave Fred one last fake smile then pushed the door wide open.

** **Nobody was there.** **

_Somebody did though._ June picked up the teal glove from the floor and clenched her jaw.

* * *

She went straight outside and to the green house. Almost running.

Just before Serena could lock it, June swung the door open.

“What is you problem?”

“Talk to me like that again and you will never see the sun.”

“Oh please ****Serena****, cut the bullshit. You KNOW what i’m talking about.” June stared into Serena’s eyes and held her gaze.

And just like that Serena took June by the arms and crashed their lips together.

It wasn’t a kiss, not really. It was more like one set of teeth bumped into another.


	3. What Went Wrong?

When Serena let go of her, June didn’t know what to say. On one hand it’s because she’s afraid she would get herself into some serious trouble by saying something stupid. On the other hand, she really didn’t know what to say.

So she just waited.

It wasn’t a bad kiss if June’s being honest.

Of course after you scratch out the whole Gilead part, and the part about the fact that they’re both married, and the part that it felt more like an invasion than a kiss, and the part that...well, that’s it. If you can somehow ignore all of that, like June did, it wasn’t a bad kiss.

Unlike June’s calm being, Serena’s mind was going ten miles per second. Her instinct was to pin this on June and make this June’s fault so she can hang her on the walls. But it was also her instinct to touch her lips and not looking at June’s piercing blue eyes.

For once in her life, Serena Joy Waterford didn’t know what to do.

* * *

Back when Serena was a little girl, she was always THE perfect child. Good grades, smart mouth, and always behaving. All thanks to her mother, a woman of discipline. And that woman was always telling her how much she’s proud of her.

Except for one time.

It was the first day of seventh grade. Serena was excited to say the least, she loved going to school and learning new knowledges.

Apparently, not everybody did.

There was this boy on Serena’s class and he was a bully since birth. Made fun of everyone even the teachers and pulled pranks regardless of when and where were the least impressive things on his naughty list.

And Serena? As a perfect child to everyone’s eyes, was not having it.

So she confronted the boy and tried to talk some sense into him. And of course the boy replied by trashing all of Serena’s newly replaced stationeries and pulling at her pony tail after he called her a wuss.

Serena went home crying that day.

She went straight to her mother. But instead of comforting, the woman glanced at Serena and told her she’s grounded for a week.

Serena stood there with her big puffy blue eyes and a red nose, she wanted to say something to defend her self but the feeling in her chest was too strong she could barely move.

Her mother took one last look at her and went back to the office, but not before putting that one last straw down--

\--“For God’s sake Serena, wipe your tears away, you look extremely like your weak father right now.”

At that exact moment, Serena understood that feeling in her chest, the feeling that made it’s impossible for her to even blink her eyes.

It was**** fear****.

* * *

But even then Serena knew what to do. Stop crying, acting tough and please her Mother.

And now? Decades later, Serena suddenly went back to that frightened little girl again, although for a totally different reason.

_What went wrong?_

Serena’s not afraid of bullies anymore, hell, she’s even became one herself.

What she’s afraid of was ****the truth****.

The truth about how and why Gilead was made. The truth about what kind of person she’s became. The truth about ****herself****.

She knew Gilead was not what she pictured it would be.

At first it was all about the life of the human race, the duration of the earth. And in the first year or two it genuinely was, until it became a game of appetency and power. Serena buried herself in her own fairy-tale-like-blueprint too deep to see the clues of corruption, by the time she smelled something fishy it was too late.

The choice was simple: Nonentity or a Commander’s Wife.

Serena Joy would not ****not**** be remembered.

So she put on a dress, brushed her hair back into a perfect bun and smile.

* * *

She knew she was going to like June the first time they met.

They do have some resemblances now you think of it.

Blue eyes, blond hair and a strong jawline.

The differences were in the eyes.

Serena was the blue of the cloudy night sky, and June was the blue of the simmered ocean tides.

Only a few years into Gilead, Serena was already tired. The thought of having a baby of her own used to cheer her up but now it only made her angry and full of agony.

Whereas June who was waiting in the little room of the Waterford household in her Handmaid’s dress, had nothing but Pain, sadness, lost, rage and will in her eyes. ****Vitality****. She hasn’t lost life.

And that terrifies the shit out of Serena.

She knew that kind of look too well, she used to have them. And she knew what kind of things you’re capable of when you had life in your body. So she’s been trying everything she could to put a stop to it.

_“If i get trouble, believe me, I will give trouble back.”_

* * *

Everything was going exactly where Serena wanted it to go.

Okay, not ****exactly**** as she imagined but it didn’t deviate too much.

June may be a bit of a rebel but she’s still a Handmaid. ****Her handmaid****.

And sometimes when Serena’s bored of knitting (God knows how much she hated that), she would allow June’s thin act of defiance went a little longer until she took them by the throat.

What Serena didn’t see coming was how much of an impact June had on her.

Life-wise and personal-wise.

Serena knew she had feelings for the fairer sex a long time ago. Long before it was illegal.

In fact, her first kiss was with a girl from school in ninth grade. At a slumber party. Drunk as a light bulb (She did have her rebel years).

And being a pious Catholic Sunday-in-church girl, Serena knew what she had to do.

She send that girl to the colonies the first chance she got.

She thought she could manage it. Like solving math problems. You knew the equations, you got the correct answers.

Maybe it’s because she’s lonely. Physically and emotionally. She maybe married to a well respected Commander but she’s lonely as a person could be. Fred was always at work, having meetings and launching projects. And when he came home he was always tired.

Maybe it’s because she’s jealous. Here’s her husband who she can not touch and here’s this Handmaid who he touched at least once a month and not to mention she’s fertile.

Or maybe it’s because of the handmaid. Petite figure but fiesty spirit, strong exterior and stronger inherence. And quite frankly, a beautiful woman.

Maybe they’ve met before Gilead?

Was that it? Reminiscence? Nostalgia?

No.

Serena would’ve remembered if they’ve met.

But that’s not important now is it?

* * *

“Serena?”

June’s voice (since when did she become ****June**** to you?) brought Serena back from the memory lane and she realized she still hasn’t said a thing.

Serena put her hand down from her lips, looked into June’s curious yet a little concerned eyes and walked towards her.

* * *

Now, stop, we pause a little.

If you have to know one thing about June Osborne, it’s that she’s not a quitter. Never was and never will be.

That and she’s the biggest bluffer you will ever meet.

What does that mean?

It means she ****knew**** when you’re lying.

It has come in handy many times.

At the poker table and when she was dealing with a cheating partner.

* * *

So when June saw Serena coming towards her direction and with a still look in her eyes?

She knew Serena was terrified. Like fucking terrified.

And again, she waited.

That’s what being a bluffer had taught her.

You wait for the right time, and that’s how you annihilate them all.

She waited till Serena was just inches apart from her, and she thought--

_\--That’s right, a little closer._

And when Serena did, she saw it.

She saw the fear, she saw the stifling childhood, she saw the rebel years. But what made June did what she did next while smirking was the look of a raw emotion in Serena’s eyes, the silver lining laid beneath the cloudy blue sky.

Desire.

She closed the distance between them and she felt Serena’s body relaxed in the most inconspicuous way, and the little smirk turned into a sign.

Now.

****That ****was a real kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here’s a New Chapter.  
First i just want to thank you all for your kind comments. It’s really heartwarming for a first time writer. And Second, i didn’t expect to explore Serena’s story in this Chapter but i’m quite pleased with the outcome.  
I’ve already listed the outline of this work and i’ve borrowed some plots from the TV (which i definitely do NOT own) but the timeline and the main plot will be different (since the relationship was between June and Serena).  
So you may see something familiar in the up coming Chapters if you’ve already seen the show, and for those of you who haven’t i’ll try to include as much background story as i can so it doesn’t feel weird reading.  
Until next time. HAVE FUN and BE AWSOME.  
(P.S. The line “Serena Joy would not not be remembered”? It was TOTALLY because the TV show “Big Little Lies” where one of the characters Reneta shouted to her husband “I will not not be rich!” after he lost all their money. It makes me laugh so hard and makes my life a little bit better every time i think of it. And if you haven’t watched it, you should, it’s really good.)


	4. Waddle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter y'all  
Don't worry i'm already working on Chapter 5.  
And my recommendation background music for this Chapter?  
"She Burns" by Foy Vance. (I LOVE this song sooooo much)  
Hope you guys enjoy and thank you again for your kudos and comments and bookmarks.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any characters.

June Knew why Serena kissed her.

And that’s exactly why she kissed her back.

She needed leverage.

June ended the kiss first and whispered “Good night” in Serena’s ears before she left. It took Serena a while to open her eyes and she was left with only the sound of her beating heart and the teal glove June stuffed in her hands.

June went back to her room and saw the light of the greenhouse was still on, she wiped her lips with the back of her right hand and closed the curtain.

_One point for the Handmaid bitches._

* * *

June was busy this week.

You would think not since a Handmaid’s sole purpose was to bare children for the barren Commanders and their wives.

But June was really busy this week.

How come?

First there was Fred Waterford.

Ever since their first Scrabble game, Fred was like one of those kids who found their parents’ secret candy-hiding-place.

And they thought that they were doing a very good job of keeping their mouth shut and that you didn’t know that they knew about the secret.

But really, you always **knew__.__**

Friday night, right before dinner time.

June was minding her own business, also known as sitting in her room and thinking about how much she’s blessed to serve a respected Commander (of course she’s thinking about a thousand ways to kill the Waterfords and how to get out, duh).

A knock on the door saved the imaginary axe from landing on Fred’s neck.

_Damn it. So close._

“Mr. Waterford.” June stood up after she saw the person was Fred. _Ha, Thinking of the devil._

“I just wanted to let you know that we probably won’t be able to play Scrabble tonight.” Fred closed the door behind him then walked towards June.

“Oh...i understand.” June tried to make her voice sound a little disappointing._Another meeting maybe? He’s been having a lot more than he used to._

Friday was always the Scrabble day, it was like a secret understanding between the two of them. _More like a secret-compulsory-standing. A great way to get info though. _

“Work?” June saw Fred didn’t say anything so she pushed a little.

“You can say that.” Fred stood before June and looked at her with a mischievous look on his face.

He pulled a strand of June’s hair behind her marked ear and tried to cup her face. But June dodged involuntarily, she still remembered the pain of that nail gun. His hand landed on her shoulder instead.

“I’m sorry.” June rushed to say. 

“It’s okay.” He looked at her with an understanding look in his eyes and rubbed his palm on the polyester fabrics of her dress.

“Get some rest, we’ll need it, for tonight.” Fred brushed her nose with his index finger and turned to the door. _What’s tonight?_

“Oh, i almost forgot, i have a gift for you.” He nodded towards the closet and winked at her then disappeared behind the door.

_A Gift? God i hope it’s not a dead cat._

Turned out the gift Fred was talking about was a dress. She found it folded nicely in a box on the top shelf. But unlike the ugly one she’s wearing right now, it’s a gold shinny dress with paillettes.

A **real** dress.

The kind that was too thin to wear any underwear.

She also found a tube of rouge lipstick and some makeup kit in the box, so she applied them on and stared at her reflection on the window.

_Who are you?_

June put on the backless dress and got into Fred’s big black car.

“You look nice.” Fred said to her before she could even sit down.

“Thank you, Mr. Waterford.” June stared at his newly ironed tux, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

With that, the little kid in Fred’s eyes looked like he just won all the candies in the world.

“Where are we going?” June felt the car’s engine started to run and the scenery outside the window began to change.

Fred only took her into his arms silently. Then he held a finger up and placed it on his lips.

June gave Fred an curious yet still flirty look and found Nick’s eyes in the rearview mirror but he didn’t look at her. Not even once.

They stopped in front of a deserted-look building.

Fred gave June his Jacket the second they stepped out of the car and nodded to Nick who nodded back and got into the car then drove away.

_He can kill me right now and nobody would know it was him._

_Well, except for Nick._

_So...Nobody._

June’s stomach began to shrink and she wasn’t sure whether it was because she skipped dinner or it was because the current situation she found herself in.

June followed Fred’s steps into the building and after going through a long corridor they stopped in front of an elevator.

When the door opened, June couldn’t help but rolled her eyes in her mind.

Big Neon light letters--

\--JEZEBEL’S

_How subtle._

They stepped into the elevator and June watched as the door closing. She felt Fred put one of his arms on her back and stroked suggestively so she turned around to face him.

“Do you like the surprise?”

“Very.”

_One point for Waterford. _

_Shit._

* * *

Then there was Serena Waterford.

_Fucking Waterfords. Can a woman have some peace?_

Serena’s behavior was way more unpredictable than Fred’s and borderline lunatic.

One moment ago she was trying to shoot daggers at June with her eyes when June’s back from the daily shopping. And the next thing June knew was Serena brushing her hands deliberately every time she walked pass her, and she did that with no apparent facial expressions.

The day after their kiss Serena grabbed her by the upper arms then pushed her against the walls in the hallway when nobody was paying any attention, and just glared at her with trembling lips. The knuckle of Serena’s hands turned white a little.

June usually was the stronger one but Serena acted like she ate Hercules for lunch.

So June opened her mouth before Serena could eat her for dinner--

\-- “I won’t tell anyone.”

\-- “Do you promise?”

\-- “Yes. It’s not like anybody would believe me anyway.”

With that, Serena let go of June and smoothed her wrinkled dress and gave her a sematic look before leaving.

June listened to the sound of Serena’s heels ding away while rubbing the end of her shoulders where Serena’s hands have been.

_Great, It’s gonna bruise._

It’s like there’s two of them, which was the least thing June would ever wish for.

_Two Serena Waterfords? Where do i sign up for suicide squad?_

But Serena never tried to kiss her again.

Instead, she was more intimate with Fred than usual.

The Waterfords were an odd couple.

Of course not on the outside, they looked suitable together with his handsome looks and her impeccable figures. But if you ever listened to their conversations, you would know.

They’re very civil to each other. Not that you shouldn’t respect your partner but you shouldn’t treat them as your co-workers. And that’s how the Waterfords always been.

When Fred came home Serena would give him a peck on the cheek and he would smile in return then go to his office. When Fred was leaving for work in the morning, Serena would hand him his coat which was on the hanger beside the door and again give him a kiss on the cheek. Not to mention they have different night schedules, Fred was always the last one went to bed and Serena would go to the greenhouse when Fred had his dinner.

Not for the past week though.

When Fred came home Serena not only kissed him on the cheek but also helped him put away his things then they sat down for dinner while talking to each other rather zealously. And in the morning Serena would pick out Fred’s clothes for the day and examine his looks before she sent him out to work.

It was too out of nowhere that at one point even Rita started to worry. She asked June one night stealthily when they were washing dishes, she bumped June’s shoulder and whispered--

\-- “Is everything okay?”

\-- “Sure, why wouldn’t it be?”

\-- “Have you **seen** them?”

\-- “Yes, and i didn’t see anything unusual.”

\-- “Fine, you just keep it to yourself Missy.”

It all changed after the night Fred took June to the Jezebel’s.

Nobody knew what happened. And when June brought this up casually to Rita trying to get some inside scoops from her, all she got was a headshake and a “all i know is that she asked me for some scented candles” in return.

That night they left the Waterford household at eight and got back way passed midnight. June was surprised to see that the light of Serena and Fred’s bedroom was still on. Fred saw the light too but he didn’t say anything only wished her goodnight then send her to her room and left.

June was sitting on the edge of her bed, still wearing the shinny dress and with her makeup on. She tried to listen to anything uncommon but all she could hear was the sound of her inordinate breathing. So she took off the dress and shoved it into the top shelf of the closet and washed her already smudged make up clean.

Ten minutes after she laid down on the bed, she heard it.

A series of footsteps came from outside the door.

Someone’s coming.

_Could it be Fred? Hasn’t he had enough?_

The door opened and June saw a tall slim figure with long pliant hair.

_Serena._

June sat up from the bed and waited.

The shadow in a almost-see-through-nightgown with one hand on the door knob also waited.

_Does she know?_

The air went thinner by the second and June felt lightheaded like she was about to throw up. Her palms were sweating even the nights were still cold outside in late February.

The shadow moved.

And it moved towards her.

_Another point for the Handmaid._

June was still sitting on the bed when the shadow reached her bedside.

And then she saw it. The look on Serena’s face and in her bloodshot eyes.

She was tired.

And then Serena pushed June onto the bed made sure June was on her side, and laid down beside her then pulled her into a rosemary scent hug.

June listened to Serena’s gradually even breathing and turned her face slightly to look at the closet.

The mist that was covering the moon all night shifted away and it shone a juicy string into the room.

Under the moonlight the golden dress was exposed from the unlatched closet and with the dancing lights, it lid up June’s eyes.

Before she drifted away into her sleep, she felt Serena stirred behind her and pulled the covers down a little, her shoulders now touching the cooling night air. She felt Serena’s hand slipping over her bare shoulders, right where she grabbed June violently a few days ago, and she felt Serena’s hot breaths hovering the washed-out bruises before a light yet moist kiss landed on her skin.

_Another point for Waterford. _

_Fuck. _


	5. Wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy! I apologize for the wait, i thought i could update this Chapter sooner but the writing bug bit me, anyway here’s a new Chapter and it’s the longest i’ve written so far. I really do hope you guys like this one as much as i do.  
My recommend BGM for this Chapter is:  
IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR LOVE -- THE STEELDRIVERS  
Until next time: HAVE FUN & BE AWESOME  
Thank you all for reading.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

Who would’ve known that Serena Joy Waterford was a hugger?

June Osborne has certainly learned that interesting fact for the past two weeks.

* * *

The morning after Serena showed up at her door in the middle of the night (well, passed midnight actually) and cuddled her from behind while sleeping, June was the one who woke up first.

And the first thing went to her mind was--

_\--God i really need to pee._

Then she was reminded, the weight on her stomach and the above room temperature warmth against her skin.

_Right, Serena._

To be one hundred percent honest, June was more surprised of the fact that Serena managed to cuddle her all night than the fact that she was cuddling her. June wasn’t exactly a well-behaved sleeper.

_God i just hope she won’t get mad at me when she woke up._

As if heard what was going on in June’s mind, Serena’s breaths went irregular and she mumbled some nonsense before opening her eyes.

June could feel Serena’s puzzled eyes on her for a second and she clenched her fists into a fighting pose ready to defend herself when Serena pulled her into a tighter hug and buried her nose in June’s tousy hair.

“You are restless when you sleep.” Muffled sound came from behind her, raspy but unstrained.

“Sorry.” June didn’t know what else could she say.

“It’s okay, but tried to not be so naughty next time.”

_Naughty? Really?_

_Wait...Next time?_

Turned out it was indeed not the only time that happened.

Serena basically moved into June’s little room.

And Fred Waterford didn’t know any of that. Or he knew but he didn’t care.

Serena would wait until Fred’s asleep then head upstairs barefoot, usually after midnight. And she would get up before anybody else in the house could so nobody would know. And sometimes when June went to her room to get ready for bed, Serena was already there, hair down and looking outside the window.

One time, she even brought flowers for the always empty vase. And god knows how much Serena loved her flowers.

_God, this woman. What does she want?_

* * *

Everything was a game to June in Gilead, a game of staying alive in order to get Hannah back and get out of here.

That’s why she didn’t say anything about Serena’s creepy late night hugs. That’s also why she didn’t refuse it when Fred wanted to take her to Jezebel’s again two weeks after their first visit.

But that’s not the only reason.

That morning, when she was at the grocery store waiting in line for steaks. Her walking partner Ofglen, well Emily the former college teacher, suddenly turned to her and said--

\-- “We’ve been sent good weather.”

And June’s respond was--

\-- “Which i receive with joy.”

_I guess we’re taking the long way home today. By the river and into the woods._

It’s their code of sharing things that may be unacceptable for Gilead. Usually were news about the rebels, and today was one of those days.

“You need to go to Jezebel’s again.” Emily said to June halfway on their way back.

“Why? Wait, how did you know i’ve been there?” June stopped on her tracks and looked at Emily shocked.

“I just know. You need to go back.” Emily saw June wasn’t following her steps so she stopped walking too.

“I’m not going back there unless you tell me how you knew.” June clenched the strings of the shopping bag in her hands.

“It’s my Commander, he was with Mayday and he said that there’s a package for you at the Jezebel’s, you need to go there as soon as possible.” Emily looked around before whispering and started walking again.

“So that’s why he didn’t touch you all these time?” They talked about that before and they all thought it was because he just couldn’t get it up.

“I guess.” Was Emily’s reply.

“How much do we trust him?” June was still suspicious.

“More than anyone we could trust here.” Emily walked a little faster than before. “Just remember to look for someone named Ruby when you get there.”

June didn’t know why but when Emily said that thing about trust, someone with long blond hair and baby blue eyes popped into her head.

“Okay.” She shook her head to get that image out of her mind. _It must because all the meals i skipped._

She trusted Emily, so she trusted the person who Emily trusted.

“Do you know what my favorite bird is?” Emily asked her when they were about to leave the woods and into the city.

“Nope, what is it?” 

“Mockingbird.”

Then Emily whistled and tons of birds joined her.

* * *

_And that’s how i ended up here. Again._ June stared at the Neon light letters on the walls of the elevator and thought to herself bitterly.

Fred was genuinely happy when June agreed rather eagerly to his offer of second time to Jezebel’s. He even squeezed her hand right on the spot and in the Waterford household. And also didn’t differ when June said she needed to use the bathroom real quick the second they arrived at Jezebel’s.

June avoided the drug heads and sex freaks and successfully made it to the bathroom. Just when she was struggling to form a plan on how to find that Ruby person Emily talked about without catching Fred’s eyes. A distant but familiar voice made June turned her head around.

“June?” 

“Moira?” 

There she was, her best friend, her partner-in-crime, Hannah’’s Godmother. Face covered in heavy makeup and dressed like a stripper (Which was like the dress code of Jezebel’s since it was pratically a brothel for powerful Commanders).

“Shit.” “Shit.”

They rushed to each other and pulled the other person in for a shivering hug, like their lives depended on it.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” June said with a lump in her throat once they parted.

“Bitch shut up, look at yourself, you could open a bottle of beer with that V-shape-dress.” Moira’s voice wasn’t exactly steady either.

“And you could make it on the poles, those bitches know what they’re up against.” June nudged Moira’s shoulder while saying.

They couldn’t help but hugged each other tightly again.

“Okay enough with the chit-chat, do you know where can i find someone named Ruby?” June wiped the tears that was threaten to fall away.

“**You** are the whistle?” Moira stared at June with her cat-like eyes. 

“What whistle?” June didn’t understand it at first, but then she remembered.

_Mockingbird._

“**You** are Ruby?” 

“Blessed be the fucking fruit, bitch.” Moira’s smiling.

“What’s the package?” June really need to head back now before Fred got worried.

“**Me**.” Moira looked at June with a stern look on her face that June has never seen.

* * *

Serena Joy Waterford had a good day. So far.

This morning she woke up with June’s hair in her mouth and she didn’t feel annoyed at all. She just blew the hair out and pulled the person in her arms closer then stayed like that a little while longer since it was still pitch dark outside.

She took a full breath and smelled June’s hair. For someone who’s been using the cheapest shampoo in the world for the past three years, June sure does have smooth hair. Serena liked to twirl them in between her fingers while watching June’s peaceful sleeping face. She brushed a strand of June’s hair that was stuck on her forehead, and wiped some sweats away.

And when the first bird warbled outside the window, Serena retreated herself from the sleeping Handmaid and went downstairs for something to drink.

She made a new pot of tea and poured some milk for June because she knew that was June’s first choice of the day.

While waiting for the water to boil she looked outside the window and thought to herself--

\-- “Today’s gonna be a good day.”

Up until now, it was.

Serena had a late lunch in her bedroom alone. She was planning to go to the greenhouse afterwards because she noticed last night that the roses in June’s room was fading. But the sleepy bug bit her so she went to bed instead. When she woke up she saw the sky outside was already blackish blue and she turned to look at the clock on her nightstand.

Nine o’clock in the evening.

“God, how long was i asleep.” Serena removed the covers and slipped into her housecoat headed downstairs.

She saw Rita in the kitchen chopping vegetables.

“Rita? What are you making so late in the evening?” Serena poured herself a glass of water and shot a question look at Rita.

“Well you know how Mr.Waterford is, he likes to have some snacks after he’s done with...” Rita stopped chopping abruptly and just stayed like that with a knife in her hands.

“After his done with what, Rita?” Serena put down the glass in her hand.

“...work?” Rita apologized to June in her head a million times before turning around and facing Serena, no, **Mrs.Waterford.**

“Spill.” Mrs.Waterford crossed her arms and pursed her lips. 

* * *

Fred Waterford was talking to another Commander when June got back to the open bar at Jezebel’s.

After her conversation with Moira, June learned that Mayday (also known as the secret organization the Rebels created) has been gathering evidence of the atrocities in Gilead and that they managed to collect a series of letters that were written by the Handmaids indicting those acts.

Now they want to get the letters out.

And Moira was the messenger.

But **how**?

They didn’t have enough time to form an intact plan before June had to go back, so they agreed to meet each other at the elevator later.

“You certainly did take you time.” Fred greeted her with a kiss.

“I wanted to look my best for you.” June smiled shyly at Fred and touched her hair, “How do i look?”

“The best indeed.” Fred’s eyes were glimmering under the vague lights of the dance floor. 

“Waterford, You lucky son of a bitch.” The other Commander Fred was talking to joined the conversation.

He was a middle aged man with tidy gray hair and a protuberant belly. But there was something familiar about him that June can’t quite put her fingers on.

“Do you mind?” He picked up June’s hand but was talking to Fred’s direction.

“No, of course not.” Fred was like a boy who was showing off his new-found and the most interesting toy in the world.

This other Commander took June by the wrists and into the dance floor.

_What is this? Handmaid swapping?_

They started waltzing and June looked at the Commander in front of her and tried to remember if she had seen him before.

“You’re bold.” This other Commander opened his mouth, “Looking at a Commander in the eyes like this.” His lips curled up as if he was trying to form a smile but stopped halfway.

“Isn’t that the whole point of this place?” June didn’t back down or even blink, “Otherwise what’s the fun in it?” She stepped a little closer into his personal space.

“Now i know why they chose you, **June**.” His lips finally curled up into a smile.

_He KNOWS me._

Before this other Commander brought her back to Fred, he pretended to kiss her on the cheeks but only whispered “Meet me ten minutes later at the exit passageway on the first floor of the building and bring the package” into her ears and left a mini bottle in her hands.

June stuffed the bottle in her cleavage then turned around and walked over to where Fred was sitting.

“Was he behaving around you?” Fred asked her when she got back to the open bar.

“He’s fine.” June fixed his tie while saying, “I think we should go somewhere else.”

The arrived at Room 401, the same one as the last time.

Fred took of his jacket and loosened his tie as soon as they stepped into the room. Just when he was about to turn around he felt something cold against his neck. He turned around and saw June was holding two champagne glasses filled with light yellow liquid and smiling at him.

He smirked and took the glass June gave him and drank it all up without breaking eye contact with her.

Five minutes later, Fred Waterford was lying on the bed and out like a stone.

June picked the straps of her dress up from her arms and sneaked out the room into the hallway, then she put on a “Do NOT Disturb” tag on the door knob and went for the elevator. 

She saw Moira standing in front of the elevator with blood on her hands.

“What happened? Are you okay?” June rushed to Moira’s side.

“Yeah...yeah i’m fine. We should go.”

They saw the Commander waiting at the exit passageway door, a black car parked behind him.

“Who’s that?” Moira shot June a skeptical look.

“It’s okay, he’s with Mayday.” June held Moira’s hand and squeezed it hard.

“Hello, Moira. I’m Joshua.” Moira stared at his outstretched hand and looked at June who gave her a nod. So Moira shook his hand.

“We need to go now.” Joshua opened the door for them and got into the driver’s seat.

Moira got in first and stretched her arms to June.

“I can’t.” June said quietly.

“Bitch, what do you mean you can’t? Get in here!” Moira raised her voice and tried to pull June into the car.

“Tell Luke i love him.”

June took Moira by the arms and pulled her into one last hug, she kissed Moira’s forehead before pushing her into the car seat and shut the door with a swing of the hand. She then patted the car soundly a couple times and watched the car drove away.

June turned around trying to ignore the devastating “June!” echoed in her ears that Moira left. She rubbed her eyes and wiped her tears-covered-faced clean and disappeared into the building.

When she got back to Room 401, Fred was still lying on the bed unconsciously. June stripped him clean and pulled the covers over him, then she sat on the chair beside the bed and buried her face in her hands and started sobbing.

* * *

When Fred woke up, it was already two in the morning. He looked down at his naked body confused and saw June was sitting on the chair beside him wearing nothing but his shirt.

“We should probably head back, Mr.Waterford.”

Before Nick could park the car, they both saw the Waterford household was brightly lit and in the stillness of the night, it looked like one of those houses in the fairy-tales that connected two different dimensions.

They exchanged a puzzled look with each other and June could see the hesitation in Fred’s eyes.

_This is not good._

When they stepped into the living room, they saw Rita was standing beside the kitchen counter looking frightened.

“What’s going on Rita?” Fred asked first.

“She knows.” Rita looked up at them while shaking uncontrollably.

Fred opened his mouth again but nothing came out. Rita moved towards them.

“She’s waiting for you.” Rita said to June and nodded towards upstairs, “I am so sorry.” She came up to her side and grabbed June’s hands.

“She would’ve found out sooner or later.” June gave Rita’s hands a little squeeze to let her know that it’s okay.

June looked at Fred who was too stunned to say a single thing, and gave him one last look of indifference then walked towards the stairs. 

_So fucking weak._

June stopped in front of the first step of the stairway and grabbed the handrail with her left hand.

_Here we go. _

June took a deep breath before opening the door, the room was almost pitch dark due to the lacking of the lights. But she still saw Serena.

Serena’s shadow was projected by the moonlight on the wall behind her, and June couldn’t see her face clearly. But what she can see was that Serena’s wearing her teal dress with her blond hair brushed behind her head into a perfect bun and sitting on the chair beside June’s bed.

_Shit._

They stared at each other for a long time, like that first night Serena showed up at her door. Except this time it was June who’s one hand was on the door knob and the other was grasping her dress nervously.

“Did you have fun?” Serena broke the silence first, her voice was cold like that blade June imagined so many times when she was thinking of different ways to kill the Waterfords.

“Serena...” June felt like she could pass out at anytime.

_Think! Osborne, think! Think for you fucking life._

“Mrs.Waterford.” Serena’s facial expressions was still unclear. She stood up slowly and started walking towards the door.

“Mrs.Waterford...I...”

“How could you do this to me?! I even brought you flowers! ” June saw it, the pure rage on Serena’s face.

“DoWHAT Serena?! YOU kissed me remember?!” June opened her mouth before she could stop it.

_Fuck, wrong choice of words._

A sound slap echoed in the room.

June saw stars.

And then the hands were on her throat.

“Give me ONE good reason i shouldn’t just kill you right now!”

June’s brain was anoxic to a point that she can’t even think straight.

But right before she passed out, she remembered a conversation she had with Rita that morning.

June went downstairs after she woke up and saw there was no sign of Serena, so she stepped into the kitchen looking for her glass of milk that she knew would be there and noticed Rita’s been baking.

\-- “Who’s birthday is it?”

\-- “Nobody’s, why?”

\-- “Then what’s with the cake?”

\-- “It’s for you.”

June must stared at Rita like she suddenly grown two heads or something, because Rita then added--

\-- “You didn’t ask for your pad this month, it’s already late for over a week now.” 

_Night sweats, no appetite, sore muscles...Shit._

At the time June just nodded and turned around, the milk was long forgotten.

But now, June decided to trust her body once.

“I’m...pregnant...Serena...” June stared into Serena’s now-bloody-red eyes and squeezed the words out.

“I’m pregnant.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, in case you're wondering.  
The Mockingbird idea?  
Yep, it was because of The Hunger Games series.  
Again, thank you guys for reading and feel free to leave comments.


	6. WONDER (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know y'all are waiting for them so here they are.  
Hope you guys like it.  
Recommend BGM?  
RUNNING UP THAT HILL -- KATE BUSH  
Until next time, Please HAVE FUN & BE AWESOME  
Thank you all for reading.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

June woke up in the middle of the night with a thirst in her throat. She sat up from her previous position and turned to her newly-placed nightstand and just like every night for the past three weeks, there was a glass of water waiting silently.

June grabbed the glass and took a greedy gulp, then she drank it clean sip by sip while staring into the darkness.

On the folding cane chair beside her bed, Serena Joy Waterford was sound asleep with knitting needles in her hands, the blanket that was covering her body fell off and June was trying everything she can to not pick that up.

How does this happen?

Well, it’s a long story.

【FOUR WEEKS】

June was four weeks pregnant.

At least that’s what the doctor told Serena.

The day after the whole Jezebel’s-drama happened, Serena took June to the doctors first thing in the morning.

June swear to god she saw something named rejoice in Serena’s eyes when she was looking at the monitor that shows the inside of June’s uterus. And when the doctor left the room, Serena pushed the curtain between them aside and kissed June hard and whispered “You are WONDER” shakily.

June accepted the kiss with her eyes open and saw something was glistening around the rim of Serena’s eyes. She felt the veins on her neck throbbed violently.

The bruises were still purple.

_\-- “Give me ONE good reason i shouldn’t just kill you right now!”_

_\-- “I’m...pregnant...Serena...” _

_\-- “I’m pregnant.” _

Of course Serena made June pee on a stick while staring like a lion on prey. And when the stick showed that June was indeed pregnant with her child, Serena looked like someone had punched her in the face and just stood there with hands covering her mouth. June wasn’t sure what it was she saw in Serena’s eyes, but whatever it was, she was sure of one thing --

_\-- I’m safe. For at least nine months anyway. _

When they got back from the doctor’s, Serena secretly asked Rita to bake a new cake since the last one was destroyed by a furious Mrs.Waterford. Not even a minute after Rita put the cake in the oven, a few black cars parked outside the Waterford household. A squad of Gilead guards came out of the cars and went straight for the door.

Fred Waterford was the one who came to the door first. 

“Can i help you, gentlemen?” Fred was using his Commander voice.

“Yes, Commander Waterford, we need you to come with us.” A guard who clearly was the leader of the squad said.

“What is it?” Serena appeared from behind Fred.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Mrs.Waterford, but we need Commander Waterford to come with us.” That same guard told Serena.

“And your Handmaid.” He added firmly.

Fred and Serena turned to look at each other simultaneously.

“Well, perhaps you could tell us what it’s for.” Serena saw the guilt in Fred’s eyes so she turned to the guard.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, i’m not at liberty to say.” The guard responded while gesturing towards the car behind him.

“I’ll go get the Handmaid.” Serena said to the guard who nodded appreciatively.

When Serena walked into the living room, June was already sitting on the couch.

“What does they want?” June asked after she saw Serena’s eyebrows wrinkled together in the middle.

Instead of answering, Serena went to June’s side and pulled her up from the couch.

“Mrs.Waterford?” Rita who was sitting beside June chipped in.

“It’s okay, just go with them.” Serena opened her mouth after she put her hands on June’s belly.

June was about to say something else when Serena looked up and stared right into her eyes and added “I won’t let anything happen to you”. And for some reason that June can’t quite explain, her heart skipped a beat after hearing that sentence. But June knew it was more because of the look on Serena’s face when she said it.

June got into the car behind Fred and for the whole car ride Fred was trying to make eye contact with June, but she never turned her head just watched as the trees disappearing backwards outside the window.

When the car stopped, the guards brought them into a nice-looking building that June recognized. It used to be a police station and now Gilead turned it into their information center.

_How convenient._

She and Fred were brought into two different rooms separately.

June was walking as slowly as she could while scanning the room. A table, two chairs on the opposite sides and a big fucking mirror embedded into the walls.

__So this is an interrogation then. I wonder where Fred would be. __June looked at the mirror one last time and sat down on the chair that was facing the door.

She sat in the room for about five minutes then a smart-dressed man came in with binders in his hands.

“Do you know this person?” He opened his mouth as soon as he reached the table.

June looked down and saw a picture of Moira making faces to the camera was thrown on the desk in front of her.

_I took that photo for her._

“No.” She kept her head low.

“I’m going to ask you again, do you know this person?” His body language didn’t change but his voice got colder noticeably.

“Not as Offred.” June said after weighing the current situation. _Now is not the time to be tough Osborne._

“Do you know who this is?” He continued, his voice sounded a little pleased.

It was a picture of a man dressed as a sex toy being tied up on a bed with carven headboard.

“No.” June was telling the truth, she really didn’t know the man in the picture but she had a hunch of who it might be.

_Only Jezebel’s has headboard like that._

“Do you recognize this person?” He didn’t waste any time to throw the next question out.

“Yes.” It was a picture of Joshua lying on the ground, his whole body covered in blood.

“When was the last time you saw him?” He sat down on the other chair.

“Don’t worry, everything you say here will be confidential.” He saw June was quiet so he leaned in his upper body and pushed the picture of a bloody Joshua closer to her side of the table while saying.

Now, June knew the man in front of her wasn’t lying, he wouldn’t. Because here in Gilead honesty was recommended and rewarded, and because of the people who were staying behind that big fucking mirror.

But she also knew that a Handmaid was disposable.

If she can’t play the perpetrator, she can always play the victim.

“At the Jezebel’s.” June took a glance at the mirror after she said it.

_Take that, Waterford._

On the other side of the glass, Fred Waterford swallowed a sip of nervousness and cleared his throat.

* * *

Serena was agitated to say the least.

As soon as the car that carried June and Fred left the house, she changed into her formal outfit and went to the Putnam household.

They were considerably close to the Putnams since they worked together and were acquaintances before Gilead. Warren and Naomi Putnam have been their great allies for years and Serena just hope that they could still be this time.

Serena knocked on the door instead of rang the doorbell.

Their Martha opened the door and saw it was Serena.

“Is your Commander home?” Serena cut right to the chase before the Martha could greet her properly.

“No, Mrs.Waterford, Mr.Putnam just went out...”

“How about Mrs.Putnam?” Serena pushed away the stunned Martha who didn’t get the chance to answer her question and went straight to the living room.

“Serena! To what do we own the pleasure?” Naomi Putnam was sitting on the couch knitting when Serena barged in.

“Naomi, we need your help.” Serena took off her teal gloves and sat beside Naomi but she didn’t forget to give a secret side-eye to the knitting kit in Naomi’s hands.

“What happened, Serena?” Naomi knew from the look of Serena’s face that it was serious.

“It’s Fred.” Serena said after a long pause.

* * *

June’s head was crowded after the man interrogated her left the room.

There were so many voices speaking inside her head at the same time and June didn’t know which one she should listen to.

_What happened?_

_Who killed Joshua?_

_Is Moira okay? _

_Did she make it out or was she captured?_

_Did she k...no it can’t be her._

_But the blood on her hands..._

June was on the edge of cutting her own head open to stop all the noises when that same man interrogated her came in. And followed behind him was Fred Waterford looking solemnly.

“Is this your Handmaid?” The man pointed at June with his eyes and asked Fred.

“...yes.” Fred answered feebly and looked up at June afterwards.

_What’s going on? He seems...sorry?_

The next thing June knew was her hands being tied up and her mouth being muffled by a mask made of cloth. She got dragged out of the room before she had the time to process anything and when she passed Fred he turned his head to the other side.

June was taken into a room that had nothing but a little window which was covered up by dark papers. It was gloomy, humid and silent. June sat down in a corner with her back against the walls and closed her eyes.

* * *

When Fred Waterford opened the front door to his house, Serena was standing on the other side of the hallway waiting for him.

It only took him one single look at Serena to know that she knew.

He’s not wrong. When Serena arrived at the Putnams’ house, Warren Putnam was already on a moving car heading towards the same place where Fred was going. And when Commander Putnam came home and saw Serena waiting in his living room, he knew there was no way he could lie about this.

So he told Serena the truth. About where Fred and his handmaid being brought to and why, about what happened with Moira and Joshua, and about the fact that the man who got killed was a high-ranked Commander.

Warren also told Serena what happened during the interrogation since he was with Fred on the other side of the mirror the whole time, and that Fred didn’t say anything when asked if he knew how his handmaid ended up at Jezebel’s as well as being the suspect of a Commander-involved-murder.

You can’t really blame Fred for not saying anything because he had nothing to tell them. He had no idea that a Commander got killed the same night he took June to the Jezebel’s again.

But you **can** blame him for not doing anything afterwards.

At least Serena did.

“How could you not do a thing?” Serena fired the gun.

“What am i supposed to do? Tell them it was all because of me that a Commander got killed?” Fred took off his jacket and loosened his tie.

“Yes, or at least be a man!” Serena was trying really hard to compose herself.

“Don’t be absurd Serena, she was just another Handmaid! You’re too attached.” Fred went over to the table and poured himself a glass of whiskey.

“Who was PREGANT!” Serena lost it.

“What...what did you say?” Fred’s whiskey-pouring-hand stopped in the middle of the motion and turned to look at Serena with his mouth slightly open.

“Save it Fred, it’s not yours.”

With that, Serena Waterford left the room.

* * *

June didn’t know how long she’s been in that little room. It could be an hour, it could be a day or even a week, it’s really hard to tell with the somber room. Her hands were going number by the second and the mask was making it harder for her to breathe. Not to mention that she was cold and hungry as hell.

_God i shouldn’t have skipped the breakfast. This whole pregnant thing sucks._

When she was about to drifted into her sweet dreams where all of this was nothing but a crappy TV show, she heard some fussing outside the door.

The door opened and the lights that came with it burned June’s eyes.

She felt someone rushed to her side and ripped that fucking mask off of her face and June couldn’t help but sucked in a deep breath. Then a voice wafted into her ears and a pair of arms surrounded her.

“It’s okay, i got you now.”

_Serena._

June opened her mouth but her throat was too dry to form any words. But Serena didn’t seem like she was expecting a respond because the next thing that came out of her mouth was--

\-- “We’re getting out of here.” Not even a quiver in her voice.

“I can’t.” Finally after swallowing a couple times, June regained her basic function as a human being.

_God my voice sounds awful. _

“Yes, you can.** I am** taking you out of here.” Serena helped her get up by putting one of June’s arms over her shoulders and then she circled June’s waist with her arms to keep June steady.

They made it out the room and into the long corridor when a guard came out of the blue holding a gun.

“Stop right there!”

Serena didn’t slow down a bit.

“If you take another step Mrs.Waterford i’m gonna have to use forces.” The guard’s voice sounded closer than the last time.

“Then go on.” They finally stopped walking and turned around facing the guard. Serena put down June’s arm and stood in between her and the guard.

“Serena...” June whispered behind her but Serena just stood there still.

The guard clearly didn’t expected this kind of attitude from a wife and you can see it on his face that he doesn’t know what to do. It made sense since he looked like he was just a twenty-year-old. His hands were shaking evidently.

Just when Serena was about to end this stare-off and carried on what she was doing earlier the gun in the guard’s hands fired and before anyone had any idea of what happened, Serena laid on the floor in a pool of her own blood.

“What are you doing standing there?! Call the ambulance!” June shouted to the petrified guard.

【SEVEN WEEKS】

That was three weeks ago.

The baby’s Seven weeks old now and about as big as a blueberry.

They never talked about what happened. The doctor told Serena she was lucky because if the guard’s aim was one inch further to his left then he’s not sure if Serena would be able to last long enough before the medics could arrive.

At the time Serena just nodded unmindfully while staring firmly at June’s direction.

June asked Serena once about how she managed to get into the room that June was being locked in.

They were in the greenhouse and June was sitting on a comfortable chair while Serena was tending her roses.

“I have my ways.” Was the only thing Serena said.

And when June wanted to ask more, Serena picked out a white rose and held it in front of June’s eyes and asked her if she liked it.

“Yes” was June’s only respond.

June put the glass back on the nightstand and her hand on her belly.

_“I won’t let anything happen to you”_

June still remembered the look on Serena’s face when she said those words.

Determination, Calmness, and a glimpse of morale.

Things you’re not supposed to see on a Commander’s wife’s face.

But June did see it. At the time she wasn’t sure Serena meant **you** as in the baby in her belly or just **you** as in June.

But now seeing the still healing leg and the cane beside Serena’s currently sleeping chair. June thought to herself --

_ _\--Maybe both?_ _

She pulled the covers down her body and moved to the side of the bed. She slipped into her brand new slipper and walked over to Serena’s side. June stared at Serena’s face for a long time. A string of moonlight went through the window and it surrounded Serena’s face with a circle of blandness. June watched as Serena’s chest going up and down steadily.

June picked up the blanket that was long forgotten on the cold floor and placed it on Serena’s body carefully. She then gave Serena’s quivering eyelashes a feather-like kiss and went back to her bed.


	7. WONDER (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo Pitches! I’m back! Sorry for the wait.  
Here’s a new Chapter and enjoy.  
I want to thank each and everyone of you for sticking around.  
BGM for this Chapter is...Drum roll please...  
RUNNING UP THAT HILL --PLACEBO  
All right, as usual, HAVE FUN & BE AWESOME.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

They tried to keep it on the down low.

At least till the baby’s three months old.

But one thing led to another.

And **everybody** knew.

【FOUR WEEKS】

Fred Waterford was the first clue.

The day of their big fight, the Waterfords didn’t talk for the whole day. Although it was because Serena left the room too quickly and then the next thing Fred heard from her was that she got shot. But even if at the hospital, they didn’t talk. Actually they didn’t even look at each other in the eyes for longer than a minute.

When Fred arrived at the Hospital and found Serena’s ward, he saw June waiting outside so he went up and asked her what happened.

June explained everything and noticed that instead of paying any attention to what she was saying, Fred was just staring at June dully.

At first she thought he was just worried about Serena, or he was feeling guilty because he didn’t do anything at the interrogation room. But as soon as he started talking, June knew something was wrong.

He opened then closed his mouth a couple times as if he was trying to consider what to say.

“Mr.Waterford?” _What is it with him today?_

“Do you know the punishment of being a liar in Gilead?”

Finally, Fred Waterford decided to speak up. And June would rather he didn’t.

“...yes.” 

_‘Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment’_

_Why do you need your tongue if all you’re gonna do with it is lying?_

_But what in the world could i lie about?_

Fred stepped closer to June and stared at her with a dark look on his face.

“Do you?” He asked again.

“Mr.Waterford, you can go in now, Mrs.Waterford is ready for you.” The doctor broke in before June had the chance to answer.

Fred’s facial expression transitioned into a fake smile when he turned around and thanked the doctor.

They both went in. Technically it was not allowed but it was under Serena’s demand and her last name happened to be Waterford.

When June stepped into the room, she saw Serena lying quietly on the bed looking frail. June’s heart crimpled a little when Serena turned her head and looked at them with bloodless lips.

June felt that Serena locked eyes with hers, so she gave Serena a little nod to let Serena know that the baby’s okay. And that she’s okay too.

Then Serena turned her head slightly to look at Fred, and Fred held her gaze. The second their eyes met, June knew what was going on.

_He **knew**._

_Shit._

_ _

【SIX WEEKS】

Nick was the second clue.

June wasn’t exactly sure how he found out but one day after she got back from the hospital delivering some clean clothes for Serena, Nick caught her in the kitchen.

“Is it true?” He stood between June and the door to the living room.

“Is what true?” June took Serena’s dirty laundries out of the bag and put it inside the linen basket.

“You’re pregnant?” Nick stepped a little closer to the kitchen counter and June was hesitating between telling him the truth and lying her way out of there.

June knew Nick was an eye of Gilead the second week she got assigned to the Waterfords. Emily told her on their way back to the house, in the woods of course.

And June kept a safe distance from Nick ever since, that was until Serena ordered them to make a baby.

To be honest, June hated Serena more than Nick, she knew he didn’t have a choice. Well technically he did, but it was either committing rape or being hung on the walls.

Nick may be the person who’s done the job, but Serena was the one who raped June.

And that’s also the problem, because Serena has proven to be rather reliable when it comes to protecting the baby (**and** June, since she was the one who was carrying the baby), and they both agreed on keeping it a secret.

_Well, he **is **the baby’s father after all._

“Yes.” She turned around facing him and prepared herself for any consequences that may come.

“I’ve never seen myself as a father.” Instead of reporting her to the higher level, Nick came up and half knelt on June’s side. He stared at June’s not-even-showing-belly and whispered lovingly. 

He rose his hand up but stopped in the middle of the track.

“You would be a great father.” June took his hand and placed it on her lower belly.

She did mean that, he was a loyal, tender and brave man. If it weren’t for Gilead, Nick might have had his own already.

When Nick heard those words he looked up from his position and stood up slowly, he leaned in his head tentatively and June almost gave in but stop right before anything could happen.

“I’m sorry.” June said quickly and stepped back a little.

But June knew the truth about why she didn’t carry on and let what might have happened happen.

Someone with blue eyes and bloodless lips popped into June’s mind.

_Why does this feel like cheating? _

“No, **i **am sorry.” Nick also stepped back and he looked like he felt really bad about what he’s done.

“I should go.” 

Nick opened his mouth trying to say something else but June didn’t give him the chance, she bypassed his side and fled into the living room.

【NINE WEEKS】

Then there was the whole baby drama with Janine, or should we say Ofwarren?

_Third time’s the fucking charm._

Serena was discharged after two weeks of hospital rest. Of course officially Mrs.Waterford just had a really bad flue.

In those two weeks, June spend most time of the day at the hospital. Serena insisted on to not let her come to the hospital everyday but there’s a little part of June felt like it was her fault that Serena got shot (It was Fred’s but she still felt responsible), plus if June didn’t come to the hospital it would be skeptical even more.

So Serena let her. And June knew that Serena secretly liked the idea of having June staying at the hospital with her, because “knitting can be boring after a whole day” and also because that Serena could check the baby’s status at every chance she got.

Every chance indeed.

Every morning when June arrived at Serena’s ward, the first thing that came out of Serena’s mouth would be about the baby’s well-being. And then about June.

After three days the baby’s well-being became the first thing that came out of June’s mouth when she saw Serena.

Much to June’s surprise, they actually talked to each other. Mostly it was about what’s going on in the Waterford house and the latest news (gossips really) about other Commanders and wives June heard from her fellow Handmaids. June kept Serena updated and Serena would give insinuative comments sometimes that made June smile and roll her eyes.

Like that one time when June told Serena that Mrs.Byrne finally decided to learn how to draw.

“Mrs. Byrne? Are you sure?” Serena looked up from the woolen yarn in her hands.

“Yes, i ran into her handmaid who was buying pigments, why?” June stared at the semi-finished product on Serena’s hospital bed. _I thought she hated knitting...is that a blanket? _

“Nothing, i just wouldn’t think she would pick drawing considering the dexterity of those hands. ” Serena went back to her unfinished business.

June couldn’t help but laugh a little and she saw the corner of Serena’s lips curled up a bit as well.

In the three weeks after Serena got back from the hospital, everything seemed to have returned to normal again.

June still lived in her little room upstairs and Serena still came every night despite of the fact that she has to use a cane while walking and it took her way much longer to go everywhere.

“It’s really not necessary, i CANwalk.” Serena refused the doctor’s order at first but she closed her mouth and picked up the walking stick as soon as she saw the stern look June gave her while rubbing her belly.

Except that she’s not sleeping on June’s bed at night and during the days Serena was more held back than she used to be with June, physically.

“The chair has grown on me.” was Serena’s explanation.

But really, June knew it was because Serena’s afraid she’s gonna hurt the baby somehow.

_What is she afraid of? That she’s gonna squeeze the baby out of me by accident?_

Then she remembered.

It was June’s second pregnancy, but it was Serena’s first.

So June didn’t say anything when Serena got herself a folding chair and placed it right next to June’s bed. And even when she doesn’t need the cane anymore, Serena still wouldn’t sleep on the bed with June.

And June just let her. Because she didn’t know how to break it to Serena that she actually did miss being spooned at night and waking up being held tightly. More importantly? She didn’t know how to break it to herself.

This is when June thought that there might actually be a God. Because before June had the time to even think about the relationship between her and Serena, God throw a handmaid who was going to commit suicide with a new born baby at her.

Janine Lindo was the life of the party.

She still was even when they all became handmaids and there was no parties.

It’s a silent consensus between the handmaids that Janine, Ofwarren if you have to, was their little mascot. She was like the youngest child in the family that was too pure and naive to be harmed. 

June felt no different. She always wanted a little sister and Janine was just too precious. And that’s why she almost broke her own hands by clenching them too hard when she saw what Janine was trying to do.

June was in the kitchen chopping vegetables and preparing ingredients for soups that Rita’s going to make for Serena. That’s when someone rang the door bell of the Waterford house.

“Aunt Lydia?” She was in her usual nut-brown clothes but wasn’t wearing her usual calm and pious face when June opened the door.

June was genuinely surprised to see her. Usually the Aunts won’t just show up with out advanced notice.

_Could she know about the baby and the shooting?_

“Oh dear, thank goodness it’s you, you have to come with me.” Aunt Lydia’s voice sounded a little impatient which was definitely not normal.

“What happened?”

_Must be something bad._

“We don’t have much time, i’ll explain it on the way.” 

“But...”

Aunt Lydia practically dragged June out of the house and stuffed her onto the back seat of a black car. But June still managed to shout at Rita who was in the kitchen that she will be right back.

_Jesus, what is it with Gilead and dragging people into black cars._

They arrived at a desolated place that had a bridge connecting two large rivers.

June recognized the place.

It was not far from the river that Emily and her used to walk alongside.

_Is she gonna push me off the bridge?_

June’s mind was busy as soon as she laid her eyes on the bridge.

_Nobody knows i’m here._

_I should’ve told Rita, damn it._

_Or Serena._

_Oh Shit, Serena!_

_I wonder what she’s gonna do if Aunt Lydia did push me off the bridge. _

But her brain stopped working when she finally got on the bridge and saw what was going on.

“...Janine?”

_What the actual fuck?_

There she was, Janine, the little angel that June considered as her little sister was standing on the edge of the bridge and holding a newly born.

_So that’s why i’m here._

Janine, or Ofwarren, gave birth to a healthy baby girl two weeks ago.

And Naomi Putnam has been trying to get rid of her ever since.

Obviously, the gun backfired and the bullet was only inches away, or 70 feet high, from Mrs.Putnam’s head.

“June...” Janine saw June coming up the bridge and she turned around to look at June with her one good eye.

“Janine, what are you doing? Come down here honey.”

June didn’t care who was on the scene listening, if they’re gonna punish her for calling Janine by her real name, then so be it.

“They wanted to take Charlotte from me.” Janine said to June with tears in her eye, “Warren promised me that we’re gonna run away together.”

With the last sentence being said, everybody who heard turned to look at Warren Putnam, including June. The difference was that June looked at Putnam with a look saying that she’s going to eat this man alive whereas the others were just give him an interesting and intrigued look.

“It’s okay Janine, he still would, won’t you Mr.Putnam?” June was shooting daggers with her voice.

“...yeah, yes! I would, as long as you come down here, i would.” Warren Putnam didn’t want to answer first since it was below him to let a handmaid talking to him like that, but seeing it was his baby and he was the one to blame for the whole thing, he went along with June’s plan.

“I don’t believe you! You’re just saying that so you can have Charlotte!” Janine’s facial expressions softened at first but then she went a little crackers.

“And **not you**, June! Don’t you ganging up with them to fool me! How could you?” Janine then turned to June and shouted at her.

“I...I’m sorry Janine, you’re right.” During their conversation, June slowly moved towards where Janine was standing and Janine was too angry to notice.

“But are you really going to jump off a bridge with Charlotte?” June was trying to stall for as long as she could.

_Just a few more steps._

“I know why you want to do this but have you ever thought about baby Charlotte? She’s only two weeks old Janine, and the water is freezing.” June has never been more thankful for her smart mouth than this very second in her entire life.

June was close enough to reach Janine’s arms.

Now all she needed was a split second of pause.

“No...but...”

_This is it._

June thrown herself at Janine’s direction and she snatched the baby from Janine’s hands.

But what June didn’t see coming was that when Janine lost her balance, she grabbed June subconsciously.

The water was just like June imagined, freezing as hell.

She was off the bridge after all.

June woke up on a hospital bed.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was blue.

Serena was staring at June with her baby blue eyes and still sitting on a chair.

“So...You bring your own chair now?”

June wasn’t trying to make anybody laugh but the look Serena was giving her was too bleak to be good.

“You should’ve let me know before you went out.” Unlike her face, Serena’s voice sounded a little helpless.

“I know, but what should i do? Disobey Aunt Lydia?” Instead of fighting back, June went along with Serena’s words partly because she was tired but mostly because she knew Serena was right.

“How’s Janine?” June thought they were way passed the phase where they call the handmaids by their handmaids’ names.

“Alive.” So Serena did think that as well.

“How’s baby Charlotte?” June knew Janine would try to kill herself again if anything happened to baby Charlotte.

“Also alive.” Serena’s face softened, just a little.

“Did everyone know?” June figured that if Serena’s here, then everyone must’ve known about the baby.

Otherwise it was just too damn weird for a wife to guard a unconscious handmaid, alone.

_God i wish i could see Aunt Lydia’s face when she found out about the baby._

“Yes.” Serena’s voice didn’t undulate much.

June closed her eyes trying to get some much-needed rest when she felt something touched her right hand that was dangling on the edge of the bed.

Serena put her left hand on top of June’s right one and gave June’s hand a gentle squeeze. She stared at their folding hands for a while then looked up at June’s face.

That’s when June noticed the fear behind that bleak mask.

So June squeezed back.

June was discharged at that very day.

The doctor said that the baby’s in perfect health even after everything that happened.

_So i guess we’re having a little fighter then._

They arrived at the Waterford house at seven in the evening and after a delicate meal that Rita prepared for them, they both went up to June’s little room upstairs.

June was beyond tired and she felt like she could fall asleep as soon as her head touch the pillow.

She almost did, but the lack of warmth pressed the pause button.

June turned around to look at the window. Serena was changing into her thin night gown and a little piece of her skin around her waist exposed under the moonlight.

June suddenly felt parched.

She closed her eyes for a second to get rid of the odd feeling in her stomach but the more she wanted to forget, the more she felt.

Steamy, moist, warm.

She opened her eyes and before she knew it she called out Serena’s name.

_Damn hormones._

Serena stopped in the middle of folding the chair open and looked at June with her eyebrows arched.

June pulled a corner of her blanket open and held out her hand to Serena.

Serena stared at the vacancy beside June and bit her lips.

Just when she was about to say no, June whispered the magical spell into Serena’s ears that was carried by the cooling night air.

“You’re not going to hurt me.”


	8. WONDER (Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More June and Serena interactions people! I just couldn’t get enough of them.  
Hope you guys like this one.  
And a special Happy Birthday (Maybe it's a little late) to Spacepotato5!!!  
This is my birthday gift to you my friend~  
As always the BGM of this Chapter--  
RUNNING UP THAT HILL -- TRACK AND FIELD  
(Can you guys tell that i really love this song?)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

Now that June knew for a fact that there actually was a God.

She’s decided that whoever God was? Must’ve earned a nickle every time he/she/they/whatever made a human suffer.

Because every time June thought that she and Serena were on the same page and that they were gonna destroy Gilead together so they can live happily ever after (wait...what?), something always went wrong.

That woman never failed at surprising the hell out of her.

Every. Fucking. Time.

【THREE MONTHS】 

Ever since that night June invited Serena to sleep on the bed beside her, they went back to how they used to be. Even though Serena was still cautious around June, at least she was willing to hug her at night.

That very next morning when June woke up, she was greeted with the most gorgeous pair of blue eyes she’d ever seen. June must’ve been restless again at night because they usually fell asleep with Serena being the big spoon and waking up like that as well.

And now when June opened her eyes she saw Serena staring at her peacefully and with a little smile hanging around her lips.

“Good morning.” Serena’s voice was colored with an ease June’s never heard of.

“Good morning to you too.”

_This doesn’t feel...weird...?_

“It has been so far.” June felt Serena’s hand stroking her belly while saying.

_Is it just me or does her smile just grow a little wilder?_

“How was your sleep?” Serena asked while kept staring at June.

_Yep, not my imagination._

June took a second to think about her sleep last night, and the result was she can’t remember the last time she slept that secured, even before Gilead.

“...good.” 

So she told Serena the truth.

“Mine too.”

And Serena’s smile reached her eyes.

They developed a daily routine.

The mornings were silent but comfortable.

Serena was always the one who woke up first and she liked to stay on the bed for a little while longer while surrounding herself with June’s scents until she heard the bell rang downstairs.

That’s when June would open her eyes and watch Serena getting dressed after giving her a good morning kiss on the forehead.

Then June would sit on the bed for ten minutes or so to clear her head before heading downstairs to enjoy her breakfast that Rita prepared for her.

The afternoons were stuffed but not busy.

Serena would either go to her greenhouse or stay in her painting room. And no matter where she went, June was always there or not far from. Because let’s face it, there really wasn’t much to do for a pregnant handmaid in Gilead.

The nights were crowded with actions and words.

After dinner they would go upstairs separately, June would go first and take off her handmaid clothes then lay down flat on the left side of the bed with only her undergarments on. Five minutes later Serena would come in and rest on the spot beside June.

They never touched each other more than secret hand-brushings during the day. Partly because they were still in Gilead and partly because they didn’t know how.

But at night when they were both settled, Serena would tell bed-time stories she remembered to the baby while rubbing June’s belly softly. Sometimes it was June who was telling the story and June often felt like she was telling it more to Serena than the baby.

They usually stopped at two stories, three if both of them were still in the mood. And then June would turn to her left side and feel Serena’s hands following her body’s movement and resting on her belly. Serena would say “Good night” to the baby first then put a soft kiss on the back of June’s bare shoulder and held her tightly.

And the next day they would do all of this all over again.

The baby’s three months old now, and about the size of a plum.

June learned that from Serena who LOVED sharing knowledges about a human fetus more than anything ever since she found out about the pregnancy. June didn’t know how or where Serena gained these information but she’s pretty sure it was the same way as how Serena got herself that folding chair.

Yes, that chair’s still being placed beside June’s bed.

And June wanted to throw it out of the window every time she saw it.

But other than that stupid chair, June honestly can say that she’s never felt more contented than she’s been feeling for the past few weeks since she was forced to be a handmaid of Gilead.

And yes, she’s completely aware of the irony. 

But when you’re in a place like Gilead?

You gotta grab happiness by its tail while you still can.

The only problem was?

June couldn’t stop thinking about Serena.

June found out about that interesting fact when Serena had to go to a diplomatic conference with Fred.

Remember when we said that the Waterfords were an odd couple?

They became even weirder.

If they were just civil before, now they were like completely strangers who just happened to live under the same roof.

They didn’t talk or look at each other unless it’s necessary and they always tried to separate their schedules from one another.

And Fred Waterford never tried to ask June about who’s the father of the baby again.

But of course to a pregnant June who was pratically nurtured and taken really good care of by Serena Waterford herself for the last few weeks, that didn’t even make it on the list of things that June should be concerned about.

But guess who’s name **was** on the top of the list?

Serena Joy Fucking Waterford. 

That day when June woke up she saw the usual pair of blue eyes staring at her. And after they exchanged good mornings to each other, Serena told June that she had to go to a diplomatic conference with Fred and that she should be home late so June should eat dinner without her.

At the time June didn’t think too much and just nodded at Serena who gave her her morning kiss as usual.

It was after Serena’s gone that June realized just how much she’s used to having Serena around.

When June sat down for breakfast she thought of Serena. The woman who always drank a glass of water before she had her first coffee of the day. And the woman who always had bacon in her menu regardless of what Rita made every morning.

When June took a little walk around the house after lunch she thought of Serena. How Serena liked to check out her roses in the afternoon and the concentrate look on her face when she was planting a new one. The way Serena’s long skinny fingers grabbed the scoop by its handle and the way she looked at June while telling June about how she felt in love with gardening.

When June opened the door to her room that night and saw that stupid cane chair beside the window, she thought about Serena. The sensation of their skins being pressed together every night and the way Serena’s gaze always shifted to June’s lips every time she looked at June.

June went up to the window and closed the curtains then sat down on the cane chair. When Serena came home that night, she found a sound-asleep-June on her chair being covered by a newly-knitted-blanket. Serena tiptoed to June’s side and picked her up from the chair bridal-style and carried her to the bed.

【SIX MONTHS】

Pregnancy doesn’t stop Gilead from making handmaids doing grocery shopping.

June wasn’t complaining though, she actually liked going out and meeting her fellow handmaids. They were her friends. Well, okay, **some** were her friends.

That’s how she discovered the truth about Emily’s new Commander.

Emily’s been reposted after what happened to her last Commander. Apparently Gilead found out that he was with Mayday from Joshua and hung his betrayer ass on the walls.

That was three months ago and even though June already knew all of this but she hasn’t been out much because Serena wanted to wait till the baby’s at least three months old before sending her out to do chores. And even when the baby’s three months old and the doctor had given them the green light, Serena was still gingerly when it came to things like this.

_Like carrying a bag of apples or waiting in line for steaks is somehow gonna damage the baby’s health._

But June took Serena’s advice (threats really) anyway. The name Waterford must’ve meant something because nobody ever said a thing about June’s odd timetables.

Not this day though. As she was walking towards the front gate, June remembered the first day that she got to go out for grocery shopping in weeks.

Serena was still not sure about letting June go out by herself and June saw it in Serena’s eyes that if it weren’t for the gossips that will most definitely occur once a wife went out to do grocery shopping with her handmaid, Serena would’ve put on her coat right on the spot. So June gave Serena’s a reassuring look liked she did just now before she pushed open the door and went for the gate.

The view of a handmaid standing beside the gate with her head down interrupted June’s wandering mind and she walked a little faster towards that person.

“Blessed be the fruit.” June said to Emily before her hands were even on the gate’s lock.

“May the lord open.” Emily’s voice sounded a little funny.

When Emily turned around, all the happiness and excitement that rose in June’s heart before transformed into a fury storm.

There Emily was, stood in front of June, with black and blue bruises spreading all over her face and exposed neck skin.

June didn’t know how she got back to the Waterford house that day. All she remembered was Emily’s deplorable face and her dodging eyes when June asked what happened.

That’s how Serena found June sitting on the bed that night, with her body still and face sullen.

“What’s going on?” Serena came to June’s side and put her arms on June’s shoulder.

June just looked at Serena with her clouded eyes and clenching jaws.

“Is this really what you want?” June wanted to tell Serena all the things Emily told her but more importantly she wanted to let Serena see what she saw and feel what she felt, but words failed. So she asked Serena instead.

“What do you mean?” Serena stared at June with her demagogic eyes, the same eyes that June had lost herself in for the last few months to see the simple truth that was standing in front of her all along.

“To let our baby grow up in a place like Gilead?” It’s the first time June admitted out loud that she thought of the baby as theirs to Serena as well as to herself. And she was taken aback by this unexpected moment of truth.

“...I...no...It’s...I wasn’t...” Apparently Serena didn’t see it coming either.

“It’s complicated.” Finally Serena said to June after a long stare at both June and her belly.

“Of course it’s fucking complicated!”was June’s respond. June waited a while and saw Serena had no intention of keeping going, so she did.

“I know what Gilead meant to you, but it’s not the same Gilead as the one you founded. Look around Serena, look at where we are and what we can do everyday and can **not** do everyday.” June grabbed Serena’s hand somewhere along her little speech.

“...what do you want from **me** then?” Serena’s sounded a bit insecure and she avoided June’s heating gaze.

“You can get us out. You’re a Commander’s wife, i’m sure you have your ways.” Serena had proven more than once that she did have some power in Gilead.

“Don’t be such a child, it’s not that easy.” Serena pulled her hands from June’s and looked away.

“Isn’t that what you want? A CHILD?” June regretted it the second those words escaped from her lips.

_Enough Osborne, you still want to keep your head at where it should be._

June was certain that if it weren’t for the fact that she’s carrying a baby, **Serena’s Baby**, she’s gonna end up on the walls before tomorrow’s sun kissed the face of the earth.

Actually no, scratch that, with the look on Serena’s face? June wasn’t so sure about that anymore.

But she didn’t back down from the staring game.

“We won’t have this conversation again,**I**won’t have this conversation again.” Serena’s words sounded like a person that June once thought she knew but didn’t.

“Fine, walk away, like you always did.” June bit her tongue to stop her from going and judging from Serena’s facial expressions, it was the right thing to do.

_God damn it Osborne. You just have to rub it in, didn’t ya?_

That was the first night they slept on different beds in four months.

Neither of them got any sleep that night.

Now, it was not only a good time to prove that God did exist but also it was a good example of that old saying “When god closed a door he’s gonna open a window for you”.

Because the day after their big argument which led to the two them not sleeping on the same bed which led to June’s blurry mind in the morning which led to her fall down the stairs and the blood pool that’s forming under her body at an alarmingly quick speed, Serena Joy Waterford was the first one who came to her side and told her “It’s okay, i’m here and you’ll be fine”.

* * *

June woke up on a hospital bed.

Again.

She felt like someone put a giant stone that weighted a thousand pounds on her chest and that she couldn’t breathe.

So she tried to sit up straight to get some much-needed air.

_What is it with me and the hospitals? Did i win a lottery or something?_

_And what is it with Serena and her fucking chairs?_

That’s right, when June turned her head while she was trying to sit up, she saw an oh-too-familiar scene of Serena Waterford sitting on a chair beside her bed. Again.

It must be the sound of her trying to sit up, because the next thing June saw was Serena opening her eyes and rushing towards her side.

“Let me.” Serena’s voice sounded like she’s been poisoned by that old hag who gave snow white THE apple.

After Serena helped June sit up and puffed the pillows to place it behind June’s back, she went out to get the doctor.

“...the test results shows that everything’s okay with the baby. So i wouldn’t sweat too much if i were you Mrs.Waterford.” The doctor checked the baby’s status as well as June’s while explaining every symptom.

But Serena seemed like she hasn’t been paying any attention ever since she heard the word “well” came out of the doctor’s mouth, she was just staring at June with her lacking-of-sleep eyes.

And it’s getting awkward.

“...Mrs.Waterford, the baby?” The doctor cleared his throat trying to get Serena’s attention back.

“Oh yes, praised be.”

He failed, miserably. Because after Serena’s perfunctory respond she didn’t say anything else.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” The doctor retreated himself from the room looking puzzled.

Serena’s facial expressions softened as soon as the doctor left the room, she grabbed June by the shoulders and pampered her face with kisses.

“Let’s not fight till the baby’s born.” Serena said between kisses that was devoted enough to give June mono.

“Oh so what? You want to fight in front of our newborn then?” 

_Jesus Christ, just take the win Osborne._

“**June**, Please.” Serena looked through the barrier in June’s eyes and begged.

It was the first time Serena called June by her real name. And June didn’t know what she should think right now. But what she did know was that the accumulated anger and rage in her heart just went up and vaporized into thin air with that little word of affirmation.

June felt herself opened her mouth and this time instead of the venom, the antidote came out.

“...Well...if **this** is going to work, you better tone it down a notch.” June wasn’t exactly sure what the “this” was but she decided to not dwell on that too much.

“What do you mean?” Serena looked at June with a confused look on her face, and June can see it i her eyes that she meant it.

“Have you **seen** the doctor’s face?”

June genuinely wished that one day people could stop killing each other at a rapid pace or saying stupid things like “What do you mean?”, just so she could stop rolling her eyes. Because at this rate she’s gonna need a freaking ophthalmologist to stop her from going blind.

Serena was still looking at her confused.

_Yeah, that’s not gonna happen any time soon._

“If you keep looking at me like you did when the doctor was here, we would’ve had more chance at single handedly solve world hunger than to make it out of this room alive let alone out of Gilead.”

June launched the words at Serena without taking a breath.

“I was not...”

Serena, on the other hand, tried to deny it at first but saw the warning look June gave her while remembering her own little speech of “not fight till the baby’s born”, so she just nodded instead.

“Now can you get me some water?”

June was clearly happy with the outcome and closed her eyes to enjoy the luxury of her little win.

June opened her eyelids five seconds later due to the lack of sound. And she saw Serena still looking at her but not with confusion on her face, only relief.

The next thing June knew was Serena putting her hands on June’s plump belly and giving it **the** gentlest kiss June has never witnessed in her entire life.

“We are having a little girl.”

When Serena looked up from June’s belly, all June can see was an ocean of undying blue.


	9. WOMB

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back!  
This Chapter is THE longest i've written so far.  
And it's currently 1:04 in the morning so i'm afraid there will be some mistakes.  
God i love these two.  
Thank you for your kudos and comments.  
As usual the BGM for this Chapter is--  
THE FALL--BO BRUCE  
(I REALLY REALLY love this song you guys plz listen to it. )  
Hope you guys enjoy this one and HAVE FUN BE AWESOME!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

It happened sooner than they expected.

When the first waves splashed against the rocks, they knew that everything will never be the same.

They just didn’t know exactly how much it’ll change.

【SIX MONTHS】

June’s been staying at the hospital for two weeks now due to the fall, and she’s been getting the best medical treatment Gilead had under the strong requests (threats) of one Serena Joy Waterford.

June had her own ward that always smelled like fresh roses and there’s a whole team of doctors monitoring the baby’s health every hour of every day. She even had fresh fruit on the side of her breakfast (which was prepared in the Waterford house and being brought to the hospital by Rita every morning) and all the milk in the entire world as long as she wanted them.

June was a very grateful person and she’s certainly not complaining.

There’s just one tiny little thing that’s been driving her crazy--

_God, It’s so fucking boring in here._

And that was mainly because no matter which direction June looked, Serena was there.

She was there when June woke up, sitting on her chair either knitting and sewing stuff or staring at June. She was there when June fell asleep and held June’s hands while telling bed-time stories. She was there when the doctor gave them the daily report and she was even there when June needed to use the bathroom.

All of that meant June can’t go anywhere without “Mrs.Waterford” tagging along and telling her to be careful. It was nice on some levels but the little rebel in June’s heart just couldn’t stand it anymore and decided to take an adventure.

So one day when Serena was at the doctor’s office discussing things she should pay attention to once June’s stable enough to be released, June slipped out of the bed and opened the door to the hallway.

There was no guards beside the door thanks to Serena’s trust issues which means she didn’t trust anybody else to keep her baby safe except for herself. Sometimes June thought that she was on the list too.

Plus Serena didn’t want to risk the chance of guards walking in on a scene in which a Gilead wife kissing a Gilead handmaid rather passionately.

Oh yes, did June mention that they’ve been unexpectedly enthusiastic with each other?

June had no idea how that happened, but turned out a hospital bed was big and comfy enough for both of them to sleep in.

And of course Serena would wake up and sit on the chair before the doctors came in and did their morning checks on the baby. Sometimes when the doctors were gone Serena would get back to the bed and stay with June for a little while longer till their breakfast was brought in by Rita.

Now, June would be lying if she said that she never worried about how this looked like, the whole untraditional yet proven to be working...understanding...with Serena, and how it’s going to blow up if and when somebody found out about it.

She still remembered that day when Rita found out about the two of them and how her body went from room-temperature-warm to ice-cold in the span of only one second. 

It was during the time of Serena’s hospital rest_ (God we do have a thing about hospitals, don’t we?) _because the bullet she got on her left leg after trying to get June out of that room where June’s been kept in, a Saturday to be exact.

That morning, Rita handed June Serena’s meal and told June specifically that she added bacon (which was against the doctor’s advice since it was too greasy and no good for recovery ) only to remember that she forgot to give June the woolen yard Serena asked for when June’s already halfway to the hospital.

Being the good servant Rita was and also because weekends were always slow at the Waterford household, she decided to go to the hospital and bring Serena’s stuff herself.

When Rita pushed open Serena’s hospital ward, there was a scene that she wished she’ll never to witness ever again.

June was sitting beside Serena’s right side on the bed and Serena’s hands were dangerously close to the hem of June’s handmaid dress while burying her face in the crook of June’s neck.

Only one of them was facing the door and Rita had thanked God a thousand times it was June instead of Serena.

When June saw Rita standing at the door she almost lost her balance if it weren’t for the fact that she was leaning against Serena. The airs in her lungs were sucked out of her by an unknown force and she almost pushed Serena off of her body when Rita managed to close the door without a sound and knocked five seconds later.

When Rita opened the door again she saw June sitting on the chair beside Serena’s bed and the distance between the two of them was wild enough to stuff two giant grown men.

That night before June opened Rita’s room at the Waterford house (after knocking of course), she secretly cursed at God for picking just the right moment for Rita to open the door of Serena’s fucking ward.

_It was that one time and she caught us, and we weren’t even doing anything._

June was telling the truth, Serena only hugged June that one time during her hospital rest and had been a coward of emotions ever since.

When June opened the door, she was greeted with a clam Rita who patted the spot beside her. So June sat down beside Rita but didn’t know what to say or where to start, and that’s when she heard Rita’s voice.

“I know.” Her voice were surprisingly regardful.

“I...what do you mean?” June wanted to ask Rita when did she find out but then decided she’s going to play the fool for a little while longer.

“Oh please, first there was the cake and then there was that second cake and do you seriously want me to mention the flowers in your vase upstairs and the late night noises?” Rita perked her eyebrows at June with a playful smile on her face.

“...what noises? We weren’t...oh fine...yes, we were, but it’s not what you think.” June gave up.

“Yeah i figured, she was too smart to do it in the house.”

“...we’re not do...it’s...EWW...” A debatable layer of redness creeped up on June’s cheeks.

“Relax, i won’t tell if you guys did do it.” Rita bumped June’s shoulders with her own.

“I think we should bury this topic right now.” June was a embarrassing mess to say the least.

“Like how she buried her face in your neck?” Rita didn’t miss a beat and said.

“...you!...you know what? I’m going now, have a nice night.” June wished she had a magical eraser so she can forget about this conversation but more importantly she could make Rita forget.

“Hey!” Rita caught June just when she was about to open the door.

“I won’t tell.” Rita looked at June right in the eyes with a sincere look on her face.

“I know.” June’s face softened and she gave Rita a little smile before going back to her own room.

June was planning on taking a little walk and got back to her ward before Serena could return, but when she snapped out of her memory lane she realized she had forgot something -- if the people of Gilead were only allowed to do one thing in their entire lives? It will be to show off at every chance they got. Which means that even if it’s just a hospital, it was built like a fucking palace with a gold and silver theme.

In other words, June was fucking lost.

And she would never admit it out loud that she got lost mostly because she was thinking about her and Serena the whole time.

June went through a corridor after another and took a million turns but it’s like her ward disappeared.

_They should really put instructions on the walls._

_I know women weren’t allow to read here but at least draw a fucking map._

Just when June thought she was going to wait for a rescue team and have an inevitable argument with Serena, she stumbled upon something rather unusual.

There was a whole block of wards that looked nothing like the gold and silver palace June got herself lost in, in fact that section of the hospital reminded June of the cheap clinics she used to go to with her mom when they can’t afford decent hospitals.

It was gloomy, quite and lifeless.

Just when she was about to turn around June heard noises coming from one of the rooms, so she followed the noises and finally located the room. She stood on her toes and looked inside.

A woman with red hair in a ripped hospital gown was banging her head against the walls repeatedly.

_Huh, so this is the psychiatric ward then, no wonder nobody’s here._

_Wait a minute, i **knew **that hair..._

_...Ja...Janine...?_

“JANINE!!” June screamed at the top of her lungs while whacking the door soundly once she saw the face of the woman inside.

“...oh hi....June...?” The woman seemed to recognize June’s voice so she stopped her actions and came to the door.

“Yes it me! What, why are you here?” June felt her limbs getting number and heart beating faster due to the shock.

“Oh my god...what happened to your face?” Before Janine could reply, June noticed there were purple bruises scattered on both of Janine’s temples, “What did they do?” June didn’t want to imagine the possibilities but the images were like a slide showing on repeat.

Janine didn’t say anything, and June suspected it was not because she didn’t want to say but because she was just simply couldn’t understand the question.

_They must gave her something. _

“Janine baby, i need you to listen to me, how long have they kept you here?” June couldn’t feel her hands by clutching the door nob so hard.

“...since the bridge? I think...I don’t really remember.” Janine said with a weak smile on her face.

“The bridge? That was three months ago!” June wanted to burn the place so bad.

_God Osborne, how could you let this happen?_

“I’m gonna get you out of here, you hear me?” June heard her voice in the air but it sounded too low and hoarse to be hers.

“...it’s okay June, you don’t have to...” Janine looked like she was trying to convince June that she was happy in there.

“No, listen to me Janine. I’m gonna get you out, and i need you to be brave for me okay?” June interrupted whatever Janine was going to say and continued, “And i’m going to get Charlotte out as well, so if you don’t want to be brave for me, be brave for her.”

“...and Charlotte?” That was the first time June saw the old Janine in the woman’s eyes.

“**And** Charlotte.” June whispered. 

【EIGHT MONTHS】

The baby’s eight months old now and, according to Serena, as big as a pineapple.

Ever since she found out about what Gilead had been doing to Janine, June basically told (threatened) Serena that if Serena didn’t do something about it then the baby in her belly will be born with only one mother instead of two, and that one mother won’t be someone named Serena Joy Waterford.

So Serena did do something about it, she managed to transfer Janine to the regular section of the hospital, and even though Janine still couldn’t be discharged at least they stopped doing whatever made Janine’s temples bruise.

And for that June gave Serena a kiss the night she told June things were taken cared of.

It’s been so long since June’s first pregnancy, so it made sense that she forgot how it felt like. But she got reminded gradually.

The first thing June was reminded was how exciting it was to feel the baby’s first kick.

It was when Serena wouldn’t let June out of the house to do grocery shopping and stuff that were really, to be frank, harmless. And it happened on a Tuesday night when June and Serena was in front of the fireplace in the living room.

June was enjoying the cracking sound of the woods coming from the fireplace while stroking her belly softly. But after she’s bored with not doing anything she looked over from her position on the couch to where Serena was sitting. And without any doubt, Serena Joy Waterford was sitting on a chair knitting what appeared to be baby’s clothes.

_For someone who claims truly detest knitting, she surly does knit a lot._

June gave up her urge to ask Serena why the knitting despite the dislike a long time ago. She figured that it’s best to avoid an argument than to create one.

That’s when she felt it, the baby inside her seemed to agree on her thoughts of arguments so it kicked to show support.

“Oh my god.” June’s breath got stuck on her throat.

“What? What is it? What happened? Do you need me to call the doctors?” Serena jolted from her seat and rushed to June’s side.

June didn’t say anything and just stared at Serena with her eyes wild.

“What?” Serena looked like she was ready to go into battle with anyone who’s blocking her way to get the doctors.

June could tell that Serena was this close to lose it, so she took Serena’s hand and placed it on her belly.

“Wait for it.” There’s a little smirk on June’s face.

Then June knew Serena felt it as well, because suddenly Serena smiled a smile that June had never seen before and looked at her with redness around her eyes.

The second thing June got reminded was how ridiculous her appetite could be.

During her first pregnancy June loved any food made of meat. But now in her second pregnancy she wanted to puke every time she laid her eyes on them or smelled them passing by the kitchen.

The nausea against meat was pretty mild at first and she managed to ignore it without making a fuss, but it became violent with the baby getting older and her belly getting bigger.

And that’s why Serena stopped eating her bacon.

It was after June got back from the hospital and threatened Serena to do something to help Janine. On a Sunday morning June woke up feeling dizzy and sleepy, she looked at the clock on her nightstand and if that thing’s not broken, it was already ten in the morning.

_God, i’m getting sleepier these days._

June heard the sound of the door being open when she sat up on the bed with her backs against the headboard.

“Hi.” Serena was balancing the tray that carried June’s breakfast with one hand and opening the door with the other. It was not a common site to see and certainly hilarious.

“What are you doing?” The laughs were easily noticeable in June’s voice.

“I was trying to bring you your breakfast, what does it look like i’m doing?” Serena finally reached to June’s bed side. 

“Being failed at waitressing 101?” June never turned down an opportunity to make jokes.

“Ha, very funny, now eat your breakfast.” 

Serena may be cool on the outside but June can see her tails wiggling. So June moved closer to where Serena was sitting and leaned in a little, and that’s when she smelled it.

“Did you eat bacon?” June stopped inches apart from Serena and her eyebrows were knotting together evidently.

“Yes, as usual...why?” Now Serena’s eyebrows were knotting too.

June rushed to the toilet and emptied her stomach which contains nothing but acid. Serena went to her side and brushed her hair out of her way immediately.

“Thank you.” June said to Serena who handed her a glass of water after she’s done with the vomiting.

Even though Serena never told her, June knew that was the day Serena gave up her beloved bacon. And June may or may not squeezed Serena’s hands a few times when the went to sleep as some sort of rewards.

The third thing June got reminded was how hormones can be a bitch sometimes.

Let’s just lay it on the table first that June loved sex.

Especially hot make up sex.

But the word “sex” wasn’t really something you would think of when you’re in a place like Gilead, because when you’re in it you just wish you could still remember how to breath let alone know how to have sex or what it was.

June thought that too, until one day her belly was too big for her to even get into the bathtub by herself.

June could really use a hot bath right now. It’s been a long dreadful day filled with drizzling rain and moist feeling against her skin.

_Uh, moist, that’s a word that should never be created._

June rolled her eyes at the thought of that word and pushed herself up by the arm of the sofa. She was on her way to the staircase when a voice came from the door put a stop to it.

“What are you doing? I told you to wait for me.” Serena was beside her within seconds while holding a few fresh-cut white roses.

“You were taking too long and i really need a...” June wasn’t sure if she should continue.

“You really need a what?” June can see nothing but concern in Serena’s eyes so she decided to not be the June Osborne who had to win for once.

“...a hot bath...” June turned her head to look at everywhere but Serena.

“...i can...help you...?” _Serena sounded...bashful?_

June snapped her head back to look at Serena who was indeed blushing.

“...no, it’s not...well, only if you insist.” June was going to turn down the offer but she hasn’t been able to scrub her back for so long and the idea of a hot bath was too tempting to put it aside. And just to herself, a part of it was because an embarrassing Serena was a once-in-a-lifetime scene and it was almost cute.

“I’ll go run the water then.” Serena ran up towards June’s room as quickly as she could only to stop halfway and remembered that June was still standing on the first step of the stairs with an enormous belly.

After Serena helped June got upstairs and into the room, she went to run the water in the bathtub. June sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Serena’s hands moving inside the tub to test the temperature of the water.

_She’s got beautiful hands....slender but not skinny..._

_Smooth skin too...yeah that made sense since the only thing those hands ever touched was woolen yard...and pens..._

_And my stomach... _

_Hold on..._

_Snap out of it Osborne!_

When June did snapped out of it she saw Serena looking at her with curious eyes.

_Oh shit, did i think out loud? Did she know?_

After she calmed herself down June realized that Serena just asked her a question and now was waiting for an answer.

“...what did you say?” June didn’t want to admit she wasn’t paying any attention but here we are.

“I...asked you to come and see if the water’s hot enough?”

“Oh yes, of course.” June pushed herself up and before she could even ask, Serena was by her side supporting her with both arms.

The water was just the way June liked it.

Hot and soothing.

So did the hands that were scrubbing her back and massaging her muscles.

June was lying in the bathtub with her backside against the rim. Her long-gone sleepiness was once again came back to haunt her and June blame Serena 101%, because--

_God where did this woman learn how to do this?_

_She should really be a massagist instead of an author._

Before June knew it, she let out a little moan. And she felt Serena’s hands that were massaging her shoulders froze on the spot before she felt a familiar sensation settling in her lower abdomen.

_Fucking hormones._

June didn’t move, instead she watched as Serena’s right hand sliding over her shoulders and reached down further to her front, she could feel the tremble of that hand and her skin burning against it’s center.

June was biting her lips to stop the noises from coming out, and she felt Serena’s hand ceased its track above her chest and went back to her collar bones. And it kept going until June’s left side of the jaw being cupped and it pressed a little harder, June followed the hand’s direction and turned her face to her right side and looked up at Serena.

Serena leaned in towards June but stopped right before their lips could meet, and then there was the silence.

“...Serena?” June couldn’t stand the quietness anymore.

“...i can’t.” Serena pulled away and June saw the contradiction in her eyes.

Questions lining up like sardines in those beautiful blue eyes and June wanted to untie the knots by saying something but nothing came out.

Finally, June heard Serena’s almost inaudible sign and felt their forehead touching.

So June also signed and closed her eyes. 

【34 WEEKS】

At first June thought it was just a meal went wrong but the damping on her handmaid dress suggested otherwise.

She was in the middle of pouring herself the second glass of milk in the kitchen when a series of earth-shattering pain went up from her stomach to her brain, and she dropped the milk bottle on the floor which stained her red dress.

She looked down between her legs and there was a stream of warm water soaking through her dress at an alarming speed.

_No, it can’t be. The baby’s not due for at least three weeks._

“Are you okay?” Rita who was in the living room cleaning tables went in while saying.

“OH MY GOD!”

It took Rita only one look to know what was going on and she helped June sat down on the chair and then ran out to get help.

“What can i do?” Was the first thing that came out of Serena’s mouth when she got to the kitchen where June was staying at while breathing rapidly.

“Turn back time and stop Gilead from happening?...oh FUCK!” June squeezed Serena’s hands with all the strength she had left when she felt another contraction happened.

“...Uh...this is not RIGHT!... she’s too early!...” June didn’t want to imagine the worst but it was too late, and Serena knew because she was worrying about the same thing.

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay, i won’t let anything happen to you two.” Serena’s face was also shrinking together due to how hard June was grabbing her hands, but she still managed to squeezed out words of comfort.

“You BETTER...Jesus Mary and Joseph that hurts!” It’s not like June was trying to make any sense.

June’s contractions interval was getting shorter and shorter in such a brief time that even Serena knew it was not normal.

And the blood that came out from between June’s legs later certainly didn’t help.

“...Mrs.Waterford?” Rita came into the kitchen and called Serena’s name.

“Yes?!” That’s when Serena noticed there wasn’t any color on Rita’s face, “Where’s the fucking doctor?” Serena couldn’t afford to waste anytime on guessing so she cut right to the chase.

“I...they wouldn’t come...because of the...” Rita was apparently so shock by the pool of blood forming under June that she started to stutter.

“The WHAT Rita?!” Serena **really **couldn’t afford to wait any longer right now.

“**The New Law**.” Fred Waterford came into the kitchen and finished right where Rita left off.

* * *

Fred Waterford was the most grateful man you will ever meet.

Which means that he was also vindictive to the core. 

He was mad at his parents for not being rich and providing him the best life possible so he moved out of the house as soon as he was able to support himself financially and never spoke to them ever again.

He was mad at his best mate Johan from collage that even though he was the smarter one but all the women in his life seemed to gladly throw themselves at Johan just because Johan’s family was rich and socially well-respected.

There was only one woman out of the many that Fred encountered in his life who never showed any interests towards Johan at all.

So Fred married her.

They were happy for a long time.

He loved her impeccable figure and smart mind and she loved his handsome looks and gentleness.

Until Gilead was made.

Fred was one of the few people who supported Gilead and he tried to pull every string he had to make Serena’s dream come true.

But somewhere along the way Serena’s dream became theirs and their dream became his.

He knew Serena didn’t like to be a trophy wife but he desperately wanted to have something he’s proud of that he can call his own.

Original and exclusive.

So he took her out of the picture piece by piece and one right after another.

And the cost was Serena drifting away from him a little further everyday. He was bothered by that at first but then when he laid eyes on the new handmaid he decided that he didn’t mind one bit.

But what he forgot was that when you play with fire, nine times out of ten it’s gonna come back and bite you in the ass.

He wasn’t quite sure at first. He thought that what Serena said to him about the baby was only because she was angry and wanted to get back at him for not doing anything. But then he gave it a little thought and was sure about 60% that the baby wasn’t his. Then he remembered that ever since their handmaid’s pregnant, Serena started to act not like her usual self when it came to the baby and he was 80% sure. The thing that made him 100% sure was that day when he got to the hospital because he heard that Serena got shot, and the second he saw Serena’s eyes he knew for a face that he was not the baby’s father.

Those eyes were dark and filled with raging fire, the kind of look you will have in your eyes when you’re facing your mortal enemy.

So he kept quiet and let whatever happened happen.

Because he knew there will be a time when he’s going to get back at them, both of them.

And now this is it.

* * *

“What do you mean **The New Law**?” Serena’s voice dropped to ice-cold .

“The Commanders decided that from now on when handmaids giving birth to a new baby,” Fred put both of his hands in his trouser pocket and started pacing around the kitchen, “There will be no medical treatment involved, only our prayers.” He stopped beside the kitchen counter and said to the three women in the room with a pious smile on his face.

“You fucking bast...” June was the first one to fire the gun but she stopped short because of the pain and also because she felt Serena let go of her hands.

“Rita, take her to the hospital and ask for Dr.Marco when you get there.” Serena’s voice was extremely calm.

“...but...” Rita took over Serena’s place as soon as she stood up facing Fred.

“NOW!” Serena pratically yelled.

“Okay...” Rita glanced at Fred when they went passed him and he seemed like he knew this was going to happen and didn’t even turn his head towards them.

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing, in pain you shall bring forth children.” Fred opened his mouth before Serena could, “Yet she will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.” Fred still got that pious little smile on his face when he said those words.

“She’s your baby for God’s sake!” Serena was a religious women too so she knew those bible verses by heart, she just never though they could turned against her someday.

“**Is** she though?” Fred’s smile was nowhere to be found.

“Fred? I’m asking you to reconsider this.” Serena so wanted to rip that face off, “And i won’t ask you again.” She threatened.

“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Fred was not intimidated at all, “Those were God’s words Serena.” And there’s that smile again.

“**Watch me.**” Serena left the room without looking back.

* * *

When Serena arrived at the hospital, she saw Rita standing outside the building negotiating with a medium-figured woman who was also in a Martha’s clothes.

Serena locked her eyes with Rita’s from a distance and nodded. So Rita stood beside them when Serena reached the doctor’s side.

“Please Dr.Marco, i know what you think of me and i know you will not hesitate should you be given the chance of hanging all the wives and commanders of Gilead on the walls, and frankly i won’t blame you. But please bear it in mind that the baby’s innocent, and so does the baby’s mother.” Serena didn’t use the word “Our baby” because she thought in this way she’ll have more chance at talking the doctor into this.

“Please save them, i am begging you.” Serena would literally do anything in the entire world to get the doctor to say yes.

Dr.Alicia Marco was no fool. She knew she was going down no matter which Waterford’s side she choose. If she chose Fred Waterford, there’s no doubt that Serena Waterford won’t stop until she hang her on the walls. But if she chose Serena Waterford, at least she might be able to save a baby’s life.

“Show me to the operation room.” Dr.Marco finally said to Serena.

“Oh and Mrs.Waterford?” They were pratically running and Dr.Marco turned to Serena before she went in the operation room where June was staying at.

“Yes?” Serena really hoped that Dr.Marco won’t change her mind.

“Burn it to the fucking ground, will ya?” Dr.Marco didn’t give Serena any time to respond and went straight to scrub her hands and get on her sterile clothes.

* * *

“...Serena...?”

When June opened her eyes she saw so much white that she was certain she’s in heaven. But then there was a hint of blue floating in the air.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Serena’s voice sounded so far away and wispy.

_Is this really not heaven?_

“Easy now, don’t try to move or you’re gonna rip out your stitches.” Serena held her down when June tried to sit up from the bed and when June wrapped her head around of what was going on she felt her wound twitching.

_Fuck, that hurts._

_And this is definitely not heaven._

“...how’s...where’s...”

Forgot about heaven and stuff June remembered **why** she’s on a hospital bed yat again.

“Turn to your left.” Serena’s voice was still wispy but inside it was a warmth that June’s never heard before.

“Slowly! What did i just say?”

_Yep, that’s more like her._

When June turned her head slightly to the left she saw a baby incubator next to her bed and inside was the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

“She’s beautiful.” If it weren’t for the stitches, June would certainly burst out crying.

“Just like her mother.” Serena didn't seem to think twice before saying.

June turned her head to her right side and saw Serena sitting in a chair and staring at the hands that was folded on her laps.

“Thank you Serena.” June held out her right hand while whispering weakly.

“...don’t...i’m the reason she got into danger in the first place.” Serena took June’s hand but still wouldn’t look at her.

_God this woman’s so fucking stubborn._

“No you’re not...Okay, well you are, but not entirely.” June squeezed Serena’s hand, “The most important thing is that **you **saved her.” and she added after she saw the look Serena was giving her.

June was glad to see that after her last sentence, Serena finally would look at her in the eyes, so she tugged at Serena’s hand and suggested Serena to come closer.

“ You saved our daughter.” Finally June said when Serena’s close enough.

And that same contradiction look appeared on Serena’s face, except that this time June knew exactly what to say to make it go away.

_‘I can’t because i’m not worth it.’_

“You’re not a bad person, Serena Joy.” 

June closed the distance between them.


	10. WOKE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, i know, it's been a while since the last update. And i apologize for the wait but i've been feeling under the weather lately and didn't have the energy to write. BUT, i'm feeling better these few days and finally finished Chapter 10. So without further ado, this is Chapter 10 and please enjoy and tell me what you think. A little spoiler alert--next Chapter is going to be super sweet, probably the sweetest of this story so stay tune and wait for it;)  
Thay you all for sticking around.  
And this time there's no BGM because i forgot what it was lol.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of these characters.

Serena finally had a baby of her own.

She just never thought it would cost her this much.

【NONVEMBER 20TH / THE COURT】 

_“Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”_

Fred was looking at her like he was her saviour.

Serena Joy Waterford was currently in the dock of Gilead’s court.

She was supposed to be in the hospital staying with June but just when she was heading out of the Waterford house with roses in her hands that morning, a squad of Gilead guards stood between her and the front gate.

Serena looked at their packed guns and went with them after she gave Rita the roses and told her to go and stay at the hospital. She knew this would happen, actually she was kind of surprised it took them this long to do it.

June’s been staying at the hospital for almost three weeks now and will be discharged soon according to the doctor. The baby’s good as well considering she was premature, and yes she was having trouble breathing and swallowing at first but the doctor was glad to see that she was able to breath on her own two days ago and said that it was a good sign.

June was right, they are having a little fighter.

The corner of Serena’s mouth went up a little as she though of her baby, no, **their baby**. Apparently she did that every time because June just wouldn’t let her forget which meant a lot of baby jokes.

Serena missed them already even though she just saw them this morning when she had to leave the hospital and go back to the Waterford house for some freshen up. June would definitely laugh at Serena and say “look who’s being a softy?” while wearing her famous smirk if she’s here right now.

The stopping of the car also stopped Serena’s mind. When she got out of the car she realized she was standing in front of one of the fancy court buildings Gilead built.

Just like her thought.

The guards brought Serena into the building and knocked on the door of one courtroom. When the door opened Serena saw at least ten Commanders sitting on the banc wearing their suits, and the man in the middle?

Fred Joseph Waterford.

Their eyes met the second the door got swung open and they didn’t break eye contact ever since.

Before Serena could sit down, she heard Fred’s voice.

“The...accused...called in doctors in order to get into Gods way of delivering a healthy baby which was in violation of the new law, and as a result the said baby’s now premature and under serious medical treatment...” He’s voice was calm as if he was telling other people’s story.

“...how does the accused plead?” His eyes were still locking with hers but his voice got a little softer and was almost incitive.

“Not guilty.” 

Unfortunately Serena Joy Waterford was one stubborn woman.

【NONVEMBER 20TH / THE HOSPITAL】

When June opened her eyes that morning, Serena was long gone. Although she did have the vague memory of Serena whispering something beside her ears before leaving, June just couldn’t remember what it was. For what it’s worth, June got out of bed to use the bathroom but not before staring at her little girl lovingly for a while.

She still remembered that day when she woke up from coma due to the blood lost, and after that whole “You’re not a bad person” thing with Serena, they sat in comfortable silence with June half-lying on the bed and Serena on the chair beside her holding her hands.

At one point, June got back from her little world where all of these seemed too surreal and she shifted her gaze from the baby to Serena. June saw a scene that she’s sure she will never be able to forget.

Serena was sitting on the chair with her back side facing the window. And just when June turned around to look at her, a string of orange sunlight shone on Serena’s figure. To June it looked like Serena was glowing.

_Maybe she was, who knew?_

The lights were making it hard for June to see Serena’s face clearly, but one thing June was certain was that Serena’s smile was bright enough to outshine the sun.

And that made a little part of June’s heart leaped with something she couldn’t quite put her fingers on, although it felt dangerously like something June once knew and went by the name of happiness.

Just then, the door to June’s hospital ward opened and June, still swimming in her memories, turned her head with a moony look on her face.

“What are you doing here?” June said after she saw the person opened the door was Rita instead of the person that occupied her mind.

“She’s been taken, by the guards.” Rita had certainly learned how not to waste time and be blunt these days.

Six simple words.

And June’s heart sank.

“What do you mean she’s ‘taken by the guards’?” It seemed that June’s little hope of people stop saying stupid things like _“What do you mean” _still had a long way to go.

“They just took her, i...i don’t know where.” Rita seemed sorry and a little helpless and June knew that there was nothing she could have done.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” Other than __“____What do you mean____”__, the other sentence June had been saying repeatedly for the past few weeks...months was _“It’s not your fault”._

_Who’s fault is it then? _

That’s when the siren went off.

The lousy nipping sound lasted a whole minute.

Ten minutes later, the door of June’s hospital ward opened again and came a weary looking Aunt Lydia. As she was getting closer, June finally saw the track of tears on Aunt Lydia’s face.

“I’m sorry to tell you this now, dear.” Aunt Lydia opened her mouth after she took a look at the new born who was in the baby incubator.

June wanted to gouge her eyes out for that.

“...but Ofwarren is no longer with us...though you shall not exhaust yourself with worry for she’s at a better place in his arms.” Aunt Lydia said with a sad yet still pious smile on her face.

“And we’ve scheduled her funeral at tomorrow, all the handmaids were expected.” Aunt Lydia looked at June for the first time she came through the door.

“...” June didn’t trust herself with speaking so she just nodded. Her head was a steamed mess, there were a million things running around and shouting but it was also empty.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Aunt Lydia was ghostly at leaving as she came in.

“...June?” Rita called out her name five minutes after Aunt Lydia’s gone.

“I’m sorry Rita, i need a minute.” was the only thing June could squeeze out of her throat.

When Rita left the room, June finally allowed herself to cry but she had to keep it as quiet as possible for the baby’s sake.

【NONVEMBER 20TH / THE COURT】

Serena was sitting on the cold metal table in the little punishment room of the court building alone for about five minutes until Fred came in.

She assumed he was here to carry out her sentence which was caning under the eyes of God and in front of other Commanders.

But Fred came alone and he locked the door behind him.

“How are you doing?” Fred said with a hint of care in his voice.

Of course to Serena it sounded like mockery and a little pathetic.

“Never been better.” Serena was sure that June would be proud of the defiance in her voice.

“I can’t spare you with that attitude.” Fred sounded disappointed.

“Don’t worry, I’m not counting on it either.” Serena started wiggling her legs that was dangling around the edge of the table.

Apparently Serena’s insouciant manner set Fred off, because the next thing Serena knew was Fred’s hands on her neck. In that moment Serena saw her old self when she grabbed June’s neck with the same strength but for totally different reasons.

She guessed the name Waterford was somehow cursed because they seemed to have a thing for grabbing other people’s necks. 

“Why?!” Fred was pratically shouting, “You have gone all the way for what? That glib handmaid?”

Serena couldn’t speak so she let out what supposed to be a scorn but came out more like a cough.

It seemed like Fred realized he was grabbing Serena too hard that she could hardly breathe so he let go of Serena’s neck and now Serena’s coughing like she really meant it.

“Does it worth it?” Fred’s voice sounded defeated and his hair was messy.

“You will never know.” Serena said after she regained her ability to breathe and think and she said those words like a victor. 

With that, Fred unlock the door and waited for other Commanders to come in.

【NONVEMBER 20TH / THE HOSPITAL】 

When Rita opened the door again, June went back to her usual self, although there’s a little part of her heart still bleeding.

“Hey, i brought you some soup, i thought you might be hungry.” Rita said with a soft smile on her face while carrying a tray.

“Thank you.” June thought Rita might be right, she haven’t had her breakfast yet.

June picked up the spoon and scooped a spoonful of what looked like tomato soup, and when she was trying to come up with something to comment on the soup her eyes landed on a bag that was beside the chair Rita was sitting.

“What’s that?” June pointed at the bag with the spoon in her hands.

Rita followed her spoon and looked down at her feet.

“Oh, right, Mrs.Waterford gave it to me this morning before she was...i think it’s clothes.” Rita picked up the stuffed bag and set it on her laps then frowned a little.

“What?” June knew that look on Rita’s face, it was her “something’s wrong” face.

“It’s...heavy.” Rita took the clothes out of the bag and when she saw what’s underneath it, she gasped.

“What is it Rita?” June fight the urge of throwing the spoon at her just so she could tell June what it was inside the bag.

“It’s a radio.” Rita took the radio out carefully and held it up for June to see.

“...shit.” for the first time in a long time, June thought that Serena deserved more credits that June gave her.

They checked outside the hallway and locked the doors then sat on June’s bed and turned on the radio. At first it was just noises, but after what seemed like a thousand tries, a man’s voice came from within.

“...now to recap what we’ve just discovered today in case you just joined us.” June and Rita turned around and looked at each other with the same look on their faces, it’s been so long since they heard a...normal voice, the kind that wasn’t pious or piled up with God’s words.

“Today, November the twentieth, at nine o’clock this morning, the Canadian police announced that they now got ahold of the evidences regard to the alleged atrocities in Gilead also known as post-America. The police said they got a tip from a reliable source but due to the safety issue the source should remain anonymous.” The man stopped a second to catch his breath, “In spite of the vague attitude of the police, we’ve managed to tracked down a former Gilead handmaid who has been dedicating herself to exposing the truth about Gilead for the last few months, and who was kindly and brave enough to do this on air in front of the world, please join me in the welcoming of our special guest today--Moira Strand.”

June’s breath got caught in her throat and she grabbed Rita’s hands for some support and Rita squeezed her hands right back with the same amount of force.

“Hello Moira, nice to meet you and we can’t thank you enough for agreeing to do this.” The man’s voice was calm and serious but you can tell he was a little nervous.

_This is it._

_The moment of truth._

“Thank you for having me.” Moira’s voice came in on the radio and as soon as June heard the first syllable her eyes began to sting and eventually she started crying.

_It**** is**** her._

_Praise fucking be._

【NONVEMBER 20TH / THE COURT】 

_“...our special guest today--Moira Strand.”_

Serena was halfway into taking off of her dress when a Commander rushed in and said they may have a problem.

All the other Commanders turned to face him and by the looks on their faces, they all seemed they were much more interested in the thought of watching Fred beating Serena. But when that Commander pulled out a mini radio and turned it on, the other Commanders’ faces went pale in less than a second.

Serena stopped her movement and waited silently.

“I thought you said you took care of it?” One of the higher-ranked Commander said to the man beside him.

“I...i...” The man who was questioned was clearly shocked and a little scared.

“Gentlemen, we don’t need to point fingers, what we should do is to find a way to improve our current situation.” Fred spoke.

“Easy for you to say, it was your fault after all.” Another Commander joined the conversation.

“Excuse me?” Fred looked at him with a placid look on his face but Serena could tell he wanted to eat him alive.

“Well if it weren’t for YOUR handmaid, that Mary girl or whatever her name was would never get out.” The man continued.

“I agree.” And another one of them chipped in.

Soon they were looking at Fred like he was the one who dug the grave and dragged them into the dirt and he was the one who’s responsible.

_“He was responsible but they got one thing wrong--I am the one who created this place.” _Serena watched the farce in front of her unfold and thought to herself.

“It was my fault.” Serena’s voice stopped the other Commanders’ heating conversation which she was sure would turn into a bloodbath in no time.

“...Serena?” Fred looked at her like she was speaking another language.

“It’s okay Fred, you don’t have to protect me anymore.” Serena fixed her dress and stepped forward, “I’m the one who’s responsible for the handmaid, Fred was working at the time and i let her slipped away right under my nose, as the hostess of the house, i’m the one to blame.”

“So if you really have to punish someone, punish me.” Serena was now standing in the middle of the circle that all the Commanders had formed, and she gave each and everyone of them a good stare.

“How should we punish her?” The same higher-ranked Commander who was the first to speak the last time opened his mouth again.

“Wait, gentlemen, please listen to me...” Fred was trying to put a stop to their accusive mind but it was like throwing a rock in the ocean and hoping to start a tsunami.

“I say thirty more canes.” 

“No, at least fifty.” 

“Or house arrest.” 

“Why not jail then?”

...

“An eye for an eye.” One man spoke and all the others stopped talking, “A blood for a blood.” Now he was talking about the punishment for Serena but his eyes were on Fred.

Fred swallowed almost invisibly.

“What do you mean?” A man questioned for the rest of them.

“We lost a Commander didn’t we?” That man was still looking at Fred.

“...fine.” Finally, Fred agreed.

All the other Commanders got out of Fred’s way automatically and stayed aside.

Fred went up to the table that Serena was sitting previously and instead of the cane he picked up a sharp knife. He then turned to Serena and walked towards her slowly, he didn’t look at her until he was standing in front of her.

At that moment, Serena saw the guilt in his eyes and she can tell he really meant it. So she gave him the tiniest nod and felt the knife touched her skin.

She didn’t feel much at first to be honest, all she felt was coldness and the swift of the knife, but then the pain got transfused into her brain by the blood and it was the strongest physical pain Serena had ever felt in her entire life. She had to bid her tongue to keep herself from screaming out.

Fred dropped the knife as soon as it fulfilled its destiny and held Serena up by his arms.

“There gentlemen, the blood.” Fred looked at the drops of blood that was dripping off of Serena’s left pinky and said to the other Commanders in the room. Then he escorted Serena out and got her into his car and drove to the hospital as quickly as Gilead allowed him.

Serena sat on the passengers seat and looked at Fred’s profile while holding down onto her left hand to stop the bleeding, his lips were pursed and his hands were shaking a little. she stared at him for a long time then looked down at her bleeding hand and eventually turned to look at the scenery outside window. 

【NONVEMBER 20TH / THE WATERFORD HOUSE】

June just got out of the hospital and was on her way to the Waterford house. She was allowed to leave because of the funeral the next day and she had to got back to the house to get the funeral clothes.

Although Rita said that she could always pick the clothes up for June but June declined and said that she could use some air outside. But what June really needed was the truth, and she knew she wasn’t going to get it anywhere else.

That’s why she went straight to Serena the second she got back to the house.

There she was, sitting in the same room where they first met and looking outside the window.

“You PROMISED me that everything’s been taken care of.” June closed the door behind her and growled in a low voice.

June wanted to talk like an adult, she really did. But as soon as she saw Serena sitting there with such an ease like nothing could ever touch her, the pure rage flooded June’s senses.

“You **promised**.” June added when she saw Serena turned around facing her.

“I’m sorry.” Serena’s voice was quiet and indifference which made June angrier that she already was.

“Sorry is not gonna bring Janine back.” June honestly can’t tell who the woman sitting in front of her was. But she CAN tell that that was not the woman who held her hands while she was sleeping last night and whispered gently in her ears this morning.

“I know.” Serena’s voice didn’t fluctuate much.

_Who the hell is this woman?_

_Maybe i was wrong._

_Maybe it was all an act._

“I don’t want to see you right now...i, i can’t.” June didn’t want to stay there any longer so she turned around and left the room.

“I understand.” Serena replied but June left too quickly.

【NONVEMBER 21ST / THE FUNERAL】

Janine’s funeral was not bad considering where it was held, and it was almost like those funerals people used to have before Gilead.

_Why are they suddenly being nice?_

June thought to her self when she was waiting in the line that formed in front of Janine’s casket. Aunt Lydia really wasn’t kidding, all the handmaids of Gilead show up.

June was about ten feet away from the casket when she overheard the conversation of the handmaids’ in front of her.

“Did you guys hear?” A handmaid with honey blonde hair said to her walking partner.

“Hear what?” Her walking partner whispered back.

“The Canadian police and the Waterfords.” The honey blonde lowered her voice and she didn’t seem to notice that June was standing behind her. June already about the Canadians from the radio, but what ****about**** the Waterfords?

“No, really? What happened?” Honey blonde’s walking partner was intrigued.

“Oh is this about the ‘alleged punishment’? I heard they went straight to the hospital afterwards.” Another handmaid with dark wavy hair joined in.

_Punishment? Hospital? But she seemed...fine...cold yesterday._

June was about to ask them what the hell was going on when Aunt Lydia stood in front of everyone while holding a microphone in her hands.

“Attention! Girls!” The ringing sound of the mic was floating in the air above them, which made June winced a little.

“I have a good news...considering...to share with you all.” Aunt Lydia said with a mixture of distressed and relieved look on her face.

_Unless she’s telling us Gilead is going down, i doubt that it’s a good news._

“Due to some occurred issues, the Commanders of Gilead had decided that Ofwarren won’t be buried here and that she will be send to her remained families in Canada the day after tomorrow by the grace of God and as a gesture of our lenience.”

It was quiet afterwards, but June could hear the buzzing sound of their minds talking to each other.

_‘What happened?’ ‘I didn’t know she had families in Canada?’_

_‘I don’t know, do you?’ ‘I never heard her talking about it.’_

_‘No, what does this mean?’ ‘What does this mean?’_

_‘I don’t know.’_

_Yeah, what ****does**** this mean?_

After the ceremony, June wanted to talk to that handmaid with dark wavy hair and ask her about what happened to the Waterfords, but just when she was about to grab that handmaid by the arms, Emily grabbed hers.

“June, come with me.” Emily was quiet all day and they didn’t talk to each other except for the usual “praised be” greetings. June just thought it was one of those days so she didn’t ask. But judging from the solemn look on Emily’s face, June was utterly and completely wrong.

“Where are you taking me?” June asked when they walked out of the building where the funeral was held.

“Shh, it’s a surprise, just follow me.” Even though Emily was being mysterious and all, June stilled followed her.

_Surely she’s not gonna kill me and dump my body in the woods._

_...Right?_

They stopped in the back of a Commander’s house and June was getting more anxious by the second about her safety.

That was until she recognized which Commander the house belonged to.

_The Mackenzies._

_****Hannah****._

Emily went up to knock on the back door and June didn’t want to move because she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

_Could it be? _

And when the door opened and June saw a little figure wearing pink, she didn’t know how to move anymore.

“Hey, it’s okay.” The Mackenzies’ Martha who was the one answering the door said to little Hannah.

June watched as the pink ribbon on Hannah’s dress coming closer and for a second she forgot how to breathe. When Hannah was standing in front of her, June knelt on her right knee so she can look at Hannah in the eyes.

“Do..do you know who i am?” June’s voice was thick.

“...yes...” Hannah seemed a little overwhelmed but answered June’s question nonetheless.

June raised her hands but put it down immediately.

“Can...do you mind if i give you a hug?” June’s heart was breaking yet healing at the same time.

“...” 

Hannah didn’t say a word instead she opened her arms and circles them around June’s neck. June couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and she buried her face into Hannah’s hair and let the tears out.

“June.” Emily’s voice brought June back from cloud nine and June turned her head to look at Emily while still squeezing Hannah tightly.

“We need to go.” Emily sounded sorry yet firm.

“Okay.” June knew they weren’t supposed to be here and the stolen moment was going to end anyway but she just wished it could be longer, even for a minute.

June let go of Hannah and saw there were tears in her eyes too so she wiped Hannah’s face clean and kissed her on forehead hard.

“I will see you soon, okay bunny?” Bunny was the nickname June used to call Hannah. It seemed a lifetime ago.

“Okay.” Hannah went back to the Martha and gave June a little wave before the door closed.

“June, we need to go, **now**.” Emily was rushing her so June wiped her tear-covered-face clean and followed Emily’s footsteps closely.

“...” June stopped Emily by the arms and she looked at Emily in her eyes when they saw the outline of the Waterford house and was ready to part. June wanted to ask Emily why did she do that and how but she didn’t know where to start.

“...you are a good friend June.” Emily seemed to know what June was thinking and she squeezed June’s hands that was on her arms an said, “I hope you can say the same about me.” Emily turned to walk away without giving June a chance to say anything else.

June watched as Emily walking away and she went in the Waterford house when she lost Emily’s figure. When she opened the front door she saw Rita walking by the living room while carrying a bundle of gauze bandage and Rita clearly didn’t expect June to show up because she froze on the spot.

_Aren’t she supposed to be at the hospital?_

“Rita? Aren’t you supposed to be at the hospital? And what’s that in your hands?” June’s mind went to the conversation she overheard earlier.

“Uh...it’s..it...” Rita then signed and continued, “there’s no way i can lie my way out of this right?”

“Nope.” 

June didn’t see the blood on the bandage until she was standing in front of Rita. And when she did, she tilted her head and crossed her arms while looking at Rita with her famous “tell me everything” look. 

【NONVEMBER 21ST / OFFRED’S ROOM】

June’s been sitting in the little room for almost three hours waiting. After Rita told her what happened she nodded and ignored Rita’s concerned face and went upstairs.

When the clock struck twelve downstairs, the door to June’s little room opened and entered one Serena Joy Waterford.

“How is she?” June opened her mouth first.

“Good...great actually.” Serena sounded gingerly.

“Good.” June lifted her head up and looked into Serena’s tired eyes, “I suppose you have something you want to tell me.”

“Yeah, i suppose.” Serena knew it was time to come clean so she closed the door behind her.

* * *

【SEPTEMBER 5TH / THE HOSPITAL】

If she had a choice, Serena would follow the Beatles’ advice and just let it be. But June was looking at her with puffy eyes and red nose and Serena didn’t want to let her down.

So she thanked the guard that opened the door to Janine’s ward and watched him turned around and left.

“Of...Janine.” Serena knew June would give her a hard time if she ever let that name slipped so she stopped even though June wasn’t here right now.

“...Mrs. Waterford.” Janine hesitated a second and said.

“Please, call me Serena.” Serena realized she was still wearing the Wife’s coat so she took it off and placed it on the chair next to the door.

“...” Of course Janine didn’t listen.

“June told me to come here and check on you.” Serena figured bringing up June’s name would help her gain Janine’s trust, “She missed you.”

And it did. Because the second Janine heard June’s name coming out of Serena’s mouth she visibly relaxed and her eyes glistened a little.

“June...said that she was going to get me out.” Janine’s voice was still small, “Are...are you...”

“Yes,**we**are going to get you out.” Serena saw Janine wasn’t as guarded as before so she took a step closer to Janine and said, “But not now, and it requires the precise timing.”

“Would you...do you want to hear the plans?” Serena wasn’t sure if Janine trusted her enough to listen to her.

“Will you get Charlotte out too?” When Janine said Charlotte’s name, her eyes became as clear as the sky outside and as deep as the sea.

“Yes.” Serena knew that was the catch.

“Then yes, i would listen to your plans.” Janine sat on the bed and looked at Serena with a steadiness that made Serena shiver.

“Okay.” 

【MAY 15TH / THE DIPLOMATIC CONFERENCE 】

Serena stood beside the open bar of the ball room and watched as Fred charming his way onto the very top of the pyramid. To be honest she didn’t even want to come here and she was sure she would be a thousand times happier staying at home with June and the unborn baby.

But hey, at least she could drink legitimately.

“How come a beautiful woman like you drinks alone?” A man’s voice brought Serena back to the party.

He was tall, handsome and with nothing but sincere in his eyes.

In other words, he was dangerous.

“I suppose it was because of this.” Serena held up her left hand to reveal her golden wedding ring.

“That won’t be a problem.” To Serena’s surprise, the man seemed more confident.

“I’m sorry?” Serena really should’ve stayed at home.

“I loved your book.” The man didn’t seem to notice the surprised Serena or he did but he chose to ignore it.

“...thank you?” Serena didn’t know what else could she say. On one hand it was always fulfilling to hear someone appreciate your works, on the other hand it was awkward when those works weren’t legal anymore.

“Do you miss it? Those writing days.” The man heard the uncertainty in her voice but continued anyway.

“I don’t know, but what i do know is that you’re being very inappropriate right now and this conversation needs to stop.” Serena may not have read any type of books in a long time but she still got a quick mind and a smart mouth.

“So you **do **miss it.” The man was smiling.

That was the moment they both saw Fred coming towards their direction and the man picked up Serena’s right hand and kissed the back of it. Then he disappeared into the crowd and Fred came up to her side.

“Is everything okay?” Fred sounded worried.

“...yeah, everything’s fine.” Serena squeezed her right hand tightly and felt a small piece of paper in her palm.

That night after Serena carried June to the bed she took out that little piece of paper and looked at the phone number on it. She looked between the paper and June’s sleeping face and eventually put the paper inside the woollen yard and joined June on the bed.

【OCTOBER 29TH / THE HOSPITAL 】

The day after June’s delivery, Serena had to go back to the Waterford house to get some changing clothes for both of them. She deliberately chose the daylight to go back because she knew that Fred wouldn’t be in the house.

After packing the clothes, instead of went straight back to the hospital Serena went to Fred’s office in the house. At this point, the least thing Serena cared was the rules of Gilead.

But she did praise the philosophy of saving time so she didn’t waste any and went for that always locked drawer of Fred’s working desk. The keys weren’t hard to find either--inside the pen box and laying in plain sight--Fred always thought he was the smart one.

Serena opened the drawer and inside it was a desk phone, she picked up the receiver and dialed the number that she repeated in her head a million times.

“Hello, Mrs.Waterford.” A familiar male voice came in the phone after three rings.

“...It’s Serena Joy.” Serena paused a second and said.

“I’m glad to hear that, shall we get down to business?” The man sounded not surprised at all like he knew Serena would call, if anything, there even was a hint of delight in his voice.

“We shall.” Serena let out a heavy breath and sat on Fred’s chair and picked up a pen.

【NOVEMBER 2OTH / THE CAR】

Serena never thanked God for making her a Gilead Wife, well, not since she can’t even read anymore anyway.

But right now, on the way to what she assumed was Gilead’s court and inside the big black car, she thanked God for letting the role of a Gilead Wife had no kind of influence and nonsignificant enough to have only one guard beside the driver staying in the car with her.

She waited until they drove for at least fifteen minutes to take out the little beeper that she kept in the secret pocket of her dress. And when the guard who was sitting in the front passenger seat wasn’t looking, Serena send out three simple numbers using the beeper.

_14...15...23._

_N...O...W._

* * *

“...and the most important part was to keep you out of it.” Serena ended her explanation.

“...are you mad?” Serena moved for the first time after opening the door.

June wasn’t. She understand why Serena needed to keep her in the dark and frankly she was a little glad Serena did.

Because June Osborne would never sit aside for a rescuing job.

“No.” June looked at Serena in the eyes.

June shifted her weight and as she was doing it her gaze shifted from Serena’s face to Serena’s hands. Serena felt June’s gaze so she hid them behind her back almost embarrassingly.

June stood up and walked over to Serena’s side slowly without breaking eye contact. When she was in front of Serena , June reached for the hands that was on Serena’s back and she saw Serena flinched involuntarily.

“It’s okay, i won’t hurt you.” June was surprised at how gentle and caring her own voice sounded.

Serena didn’t refuse it when June untied the bandage of her left hand. Serena watched as the layers unfold and she couldn’t help but worried a little, but when the layers came off and when June saw her hand and looked up from it, being worried became the least thing on Serena’s list.

June’s eyes were soft and red around the edge. She leaned in and placed a kiss on Serena’s mutilated left pinky and then her arm, her neck, her face and finally, her mouth.


	11. WHOLE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y’all.  
It’s been a long time since the last update and A LOT has happened.  
I quit my job and now studying for my post-grad entrance examination which is scheduled in late December.  
I met someone i really like but unfortunately it didn’t work out like i thought it would, so now i’m trying to move on.  
But enough about me.  
I apologize for letting you guys waited for so long (maybe you should re-read the old chapters in case the plot is blurry, i know i did ) and i promise you that this work will not be forgotten and i will finish it (I just didn’t know when haha).  
There’s a lot going on outside so please be safe and stay away from crowded places.  
BTW, does anyone know a good VPN App? Mine’s gonna expire at the end of this month so i’m writing like crazy since i need to use VPN to open the website now (it’s a long and angry story). And if i didn’t reply to your comments? Yep, the VPN is down, again. So if you do know some App please let me know cause there are at least five more chapters and i hate to let you guy to wait when you don’t have to.  
The BGM for this one is by one of my favorite singers P!NK and the song is Glitter In The Air. Hope you guys like it.

  
【NOVEMBER 22nd / THE WATERFORD HOUSE】

  
She hadn’t seen Serena the whole day.

June woke up alone on her bed at around seven. When she opened her eyes and felt nothing’s breathing on the other side of the bed, June thought it was just one of those days where Serena got up real early and headed to the green house to do whatever the hell Gilead’s good wife’s been doing in there for the past four years. 

And after she actually went downstairs and checked the green house and acknowledged the fact that Serena Joy Waterford was indeed NOT in the Waterford house, she figured the first-time-mother must went to the hospital to see their baby. 

So June took her time to enjoy the glass of milk Serena prepared for her that was placed on the kitchen counter (it was kind of their thing now, along with many others) while she was having her breakfast and arrived at the hospital an hour later.

Much to her surprise, she saw Rita and only Rita was staying with the baby. When June asked, Rita said that she saw Serena went out when it was still a little dark outside in the morning but she didn’t know where Serena went.  
  
After a six-hour-stay with her baby girl, June went back to the Waterford house under the demand of Rita —— “You look pale and you need to get some rest”.  
  
June didn’t want to but she really needed to know where the hell did Serena go and she figured staying at the hospital won’t get her the answers so she did what Rita asked.  
  
It started raining on June’s way back to the Waterford house. At first it was just drizzles but then it was cats and dogs and by the time June arrived it was tigers and lions and bears.  
  
June headed straight to the kitchen, the kitchen cupboards to be exact, and pulled out a bottle of whiskey from behind the stored dishes and a mug.  
  
She swallowed an angry gulp and stared into the mug in her hands. The rain outside was getting insane and just like June’s mind it showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.  
  
_Surely Serena wouldn’t back out at the last hour...right?_  
  
_Nope, she won’t._

_It was her plans after all._  
  
_But she’s Serena._  
  
_Serena Joy Fucking Waterford_.  
  
“Jesus Fucking Christ, that woman.” June mumbled to herself under her breath.  
  
“Took the lord’s name in vain like that again, i might have to wash your mouth with soaps.”  
  
A very familiar voice came from behind June out of nowhere and she almost choked on her second taste of the drink.  
  
_Well, well, well, look who decided to finally show up?_  
  
“For God’s sake, Serena! Where the FUCK have you been?”

June turned around and saw a drenched Serena and when they locked their eyes with each other, every single angry word that was already formed in June’s head went up and vanished in thin air.   
  
So she grabbed a clean towel from the kitchen counter and started to dry Serena’s hair.

Serena, on the other hand, saw that June didn’t say a word and the downwards of those lips, knew that June was still mad at her. So she put her hands on top of June’s moving ones and stopped June’s motion.  
  
June didn’t want to let Serena off the hook this easily so she gave Serena her best poker face when she looked up.  
  
And the image that leaped into June’s eyes was a pouting Serena with puppy eyes (or maybe it was just her imagination, June wasn’t sure).  
  
_God, this woman. _  
  
“I was worried.” June finally gave in and said, but not before giving Serena her signature eye-rolls.  
  
“I know.” Serena knew she won this round, and she made sure June knows that too from the little uptrend in her tone.  
  
“Come with me?” Serena also knew that it’s best not to get cocky so she didn’t waste anytime to throw the invitation at June.  
  
“Where?”

* * *

  
They were basically running in the woods.  
  
June didn’t know where Serena wanted to take her and the hood of her raincoat was too big for her to see the scenery around her, not that it was possible with the pouring rain but still.   
  
June briefly considered the possibilities of Serena ending her in the woods and she quickly abandoned that thought.  
  
If you ask her she would most definitely deny it, but just to herself and God, June knew it was because Serena was holding her by the hand and with the amputated one, and that was all June could see because of the big ass hood.  
  
_I’ve got to stop feeling guilty...one of these days._  
  
After what felt like eternity they finally stopped. June lifted up the edge of her hood to get a better view and she was stunned by what she saw.  
  
A cabin.  
  
In the middle of nowhere.  
  
June wanted to ask “What the fuck?” And “How the fuck?” but the raging rain was making it hard for her to even see let alone open her mouth to speak. Serena didn’t gave June much time though, she opened the wooden door as soon as they stopped and led them inside.   
  
It was pretty obvious that it wasn’t Serena’s first time being at this cabin because she quickly turned on the lights and started making fire with the wood in the fireplace.  
  
June stood there with her raincoat still on.   
  
While Serena was busy with making the cabin warm, June took a good look around and was a hundred times more confused than she first saw the cabin.  
  
The layout of the cabin was pretty simple, crude even.  
  
A table, two chairs, a window and a bed.  
  
But it was carefully decorated.

There were bread inside the basket that was on the table and also some jam and the table even had tablecloth. The bed was placed beside the widow and even though it was small but the quilt looked expensive and cozy.   
  
Not to mention that the whole place smelled flowery.  
  
June shifted her gaze to the vase on the table.  
  
_**White roses.**_  
  
“Why?” June’s voice was so little that she wasn’t sure if Serena heard her clearly.  
  
Serena was about to take the raincoat off of June seeing that June wasn’t planning to when she stopped her motion and looked at June in the eyes.   
  
“What do you mean?” Serena did hear her.  
  
“I mean WHY? All of this? And the bullet you got, and...” June didn’t say it out loud but she took a look at Serena’s left hand, “Why?”  
  
June wanted to ask Serena this for a long time. She’s been asking herself the same question too, but every time she chose to stop before she could get the answer.  
  
Part of June was in denial.  
  
She was in denial of the fact that she was a handmaid in Gilead where she was being raped legally and kept away from her own daughter, and that people die everyday due to the most stupid reason —— because other people wanted them to.  
  
She probably was in denial of the whole wild world long before the first time she was forced to wear the handmaid’s red dress.  
  
And this other part of June, small but nonnegligible, already knew the answer but was being too much of a coward to admit it out loud.  
  
“You made me whole.” Serena whispered with a kind of firmness that made June shiver.   
  
There it was.  
  
The answer.

“So this is because of the baby then.” June didn’t know why but she felt herself suddenly getting mad.  
  
“No, you’re not hearing me.” Serena interrupted whatever June was about to say next and rushed out the words, “You made me WHOLE, June.”  
  
“I...I don’t under...” June decided she could wait a few minutes to get mad.  
  
“You gave me everything i’ve ever wanted in my life, well at least that’s what i thought i ever wanted. A BABY.” Serena was silent for a while and she took off June’s raincoat and while she was folding it she continued.  
  
“I’ve always wanted to be a mother but with the birthing rate and the shooting...you know...it was impossible.” Serena’s voice quivered a little when she said the word “shooting” but she wasn’t trying to hide it.  
  
June had a feeling that Serena wasn’t trying to hide anything.  
  
Maybe for the first time in her entire life.  
  
“And it was because i wanted to save my marriage. Fred and i, we weren’t always the perfect couple and that’s fine because nobody’s perfect. But with time i felt like he’s changed, and i’ve changed too.” Serena now had her gaze fixed on the fireplace and with her profile facing June who was still standing beside the cabin door.  
  
Serena looked like she got caught in the middle of her brain storm and she was trying everything she could to get out of it.   
  
“We just, sort of, drifted apart...and i thought a baby might bring us back on the same track. So there’s Gilead, and then there’s you.”   
  
The hill formed in between Serena’s eyebrows, the cloud covered her blue eyes got burned down and June saw the burning flames reflecting vibrantly in Serena’s eyes when Serena turned around facing her.  
  
“**You**...i knew i was going to like you the first time we met.”   
  
Serena put down now-nicely-folded raincoat on the table and walked towards June.  
  
“I just didn’t think it would be like...**this**.”  
  
Now Serena was giving June a little smile but with misdoubt in her eyes like she couldn’t even believe what happened to and between the two of them herself.

Neither could June.  
  
“Every time i look at you i saw a woman who’s beautiful and strong and just wouldn’t give up. I saw the person i used to be. And i’ve never realized how much i missed her until i set my eyes on you.”  
  
Just like her words, Serena looked at June when she stopped in front of the shorter woman.  
  
“I tried to deny it, like really tried. But when i saw the look on Fred’s face when he was looking at you and felt this jealousy rage rose inside my heart i knew i was going to lose.”  
  
Serena’s smile grew bigger and the misdoubt in her eyes turned into self-mockery.  
  
Even though June’s not familiar with this side of Serena but she knew she didn’t like it, not even one bit.  
  
“I was not jealous of you because you ‘took away’ my husband. I was jealous of Fred because he can do things to you so easily whereas i who wanted the same thing had to sit aside and just be a ‘good wife’. I’m Just so sick and tired of all that.”  
  
Serena looked like she wanted to touch June but decided against it at the last second. Her arms now holding herself instead.  
  
“So i caressed your wrist and hugged you and...and KISSED you, as Mrs.Waterford of course. But God knows how much i wanted to let you know that it wasn’t Mrs.Waterford who tried to threaten you or mess up with your head. It was me. Serena.”  
  
The cabin was pretty warm now but somehow June could still detect the tremble of Serena’s body.  
  
June still remembered the first time they “kissed”, in Serena’s greenhouse that was. At the time all June could think of was how to use that kiss to get what she want, how to milk the kiss to its fullest. 

But now? Seeing this emotionally-wrecked-Serena, June suddenly missed the feeling of their teeth bumping into each others’.   
  
“I’m not saying it’s...love?...maybe it was there in some twisted and unknown-to-mankind way but not entirely. It’s way...definitely more complicated than that, it’s, it’s...”  
  
Serena broke their eye contact and the almost died out storm came back.

“It’s okay.”   
  
Seeing the comeback of the storm, and possibly a bigger one, June spoke for the first time after Serena began her little speech.  
  
To be honest, June wasn’t paying any attention to what Serena was saying after Serena looked at her in the eyes.  
  
Those eyes were uncertain, entangled, and soulless.  
  
In other words, it was nothing like the Serena June used to know.  
  
Even when they were at each others’ throats and when Serena was threaten by June (at least that’s what June thought anyway), those eyes were glimmering.   
  
“It’s okay to not put names on it and it’s okay to not knowing what it is or what it was. **It’s okay**.” Words came out of June’s mouth before she could filter them through her brains, she was trying to understand her own words as she was saying them.   
  
“Plus it doesn’t matter. What matters is that...you’re here, now. And i am here too. ” June took her time to look up after she finished the last word. She even nodded a few times as if to confirm her own words to herself.  
  
That’s when Serena saw the little smile hanging around the corner of June’s lips, and she was almost ashamed to accept it.  
  
She doesn’t deserve this.  
  
Her.   
  
**June.**  
  
She doesn’t deserve June.  
  
“I don’t deserve you.” Serena really wasn’t trying to hide anything.  
  
“Don’t say that.” June quickly abandoned the thought of smacking some senses into Serena.  
  
_You can use the strength somewhere else Osborne._  
  
“It’s true though, i really don’t.” Serena broke their eye contact and lowered her head. 

“Maybe. Or maybe not. I’m not perfect either. Who cares anyway? I know i don’t.”  
  
This self-loathing version of Serena really started to drive June nuts.  
  
“You don’t?”  
  
_Jesus, enough already._  
  
“No.”   
  
_She really doesn’t care._  
  
“You don’t care that i...that i basically...raped you?”  
  
_Okay maybe she cared...a little._  
  
“I did alright? I did. I resented you for that for a long time. Then i didn’t. Because i knew that you couldn’t have done this all by yourself and that you...you just lost your way.”  
  
Now June had her head down looking at the wooden floor as well.  
  
“And also because i SEE you Serena, i see you as who you are and not the trophy wife with the perfect smile. As people and as a person. **I see you.**”  
  
June looked up and stepped closer.  
  
“...and the fact that you’re here right now and you’ve gone all of your ways to make this happen, for me?”  
  
June took Serena’s hands.  
  
“It proves me right.”  
  
There it was.  
  
That smile again.  
  
June was not a patient person per se but she was extremely patient when it comes to Serena.  
  
Inflammable of course, but also patient.

Maybe June didn’t realize that but Serena did.  
  
And that’s why she pulled her hands out of Junes’ and cupped the petite woman’s face and connected their lips together.  
  
It wasn’t the first time they kissed.  
  
But it felt like it was.  
  
It felt...different.  
  
Usually when they kissed each other (on the mouth which was not that many times) it was done out of a purpose.   
  
Whether it was Serena tried to comfort June so her baby will be safe or June tried to make Serena do something for her, there’s always a purpose.  
  
This one, though, it didn’t. Serena wasn’t trying to get something out of June and June wasn’t trying to manipulate Serena through physical contact.  
  
Someone accidentally let out a little moan and things got heated pretty quickly.  
  
June blamed the fireplace.  
  
June’s wandering hands found its way to Serena’s waist and Serena’s legs found the way to the bed.  
  
It’s like Serena was trying to make up for calling June “Offred” so many times by screaming out the woman’s real name at the top of her lungs over and over again.

* * *

  
They were currently lying on the cabin’s bed, the window cracked open with the curtains down.  
  
Nobody had said a word because neither of them had the strength nor was in the mood.  
  
Both of them was on their backs. Serena had her head resting on top of June’s arm since there was only one pillow. And June’s hand was toying with Serena’s hair unconsciously while staring at an meaningless spot.  
  
“You know what I don’t understand?” 

June broke the silence first.  
  
_God my voice sounds awful. _  
  
“What?”   
  
Serena’s voice was barely a whisper.  
  
“Nicknames.”   
  
June said rather seriously.  
  
“What’s wrong with nicknames?”  
  
Serena’s voice was a little chipper than before.  
  
“It’s just...it makes me cringe every time i hear a couple calling each other that.”  
  
Not that there was anything wrong with it, June just couldn’t stand it physically and emotionally .   
  
“Really?” Serena hesitated a second and ——  
  
“...babe?”  
  
The motion of June’s hand paused for a second and just when Serena started to get worried that it was a little too soon, June’s voice came from somewhere above her head.  
  
“Stop.”  
  
Serena relaxed when she heard the ease in June’s voice and knew that June was doing those famous eye-rolls.  
  
“Honey?”  
  
So Serena pushed her luck.  
  
“I’m serious Serena, stop it.”  
  
Even though her voice sounded tougher than before, June’s action didn’t change —— her right hand was still stroking Serena’s hair.

“Cupcake? Banana pie? Sugar puff?”  
  
And that’s when the great Serena Joy ran out of her luck.  
  
“I will END. YOU. And banana pie? Really?” June rolled over to her sides and pulled out her right arm that was Serena’s pillow for the past God-knows-how-long while her left arm joined her action.  
  
“What? I love bananas...ah, June! Stop tickling me!” Serena wanted to push June off of her but it was a second too late and from previous activities Serena gained the information that June was surprisingly strong.   
  
They didn’t know who started it but their lips met again.  
  
Not that they minded.  
  
“Seriously though, what nickname would you give me if you have to?” Serena said breathlessly when they ended their kiss finally.  
  
Now Serena was the one who was on top of June and her hair fell down covered half of her face. But somehow June could still see the wicked sparks in the tall blond’s eyes.  
  
“Is there an option called the earth was destroyed and we’re all dead so i don’t have to give anybody a nickname?” June obviously had more lung capacities.   
  
“Nope.” Serena popped the last syllable out and smiled when June rolled her eyes for the HUNDREDTH time that night.  
  
“Uh..fine..” June closed her eyes appeared to do some thinking only to open them a second later and “...puppy?”  
  
Now the wicked sparks in June’s eyes matched with Serena’s.  
  
“Puppy? Why is...oh wait, it’s because of my eyes isn’t it?”  
  
To be fair, one of the reasons that June never got scared when Serena was mad at her was that to June Serena’s angry face always looked like a piqued puppy whom didn’t get her treats. It was the downwards at the end of Serena’s eyes.  
  
“Bingo.” June was a little surprised that Serena could figure out why and just when she was about to ask, Serena spoke again.

“Okay, i will take that. Now we have to give you one.” The excitement in Serena’s voice made June want to punch her in the face.   
  
“Don’t.” June’s mouth denied it for her before her mind could.  
  
“Oh you are sooooo getting one.”   
  
Did June also mention that sometimes Serena was childish in the most unexpected ways?  
  
“Ah ha! I got it!”  
  
June definitely mentioned it before.  
  
“If you say Cruella i swear to god i’m gonna kick you in the shin.” June’s eyes narrowed in an undetectable way but she was sure that Serena saw it or at least heard it in her threatening voice and words.  
  
“Grumpy!” Serena looked like a giant golden retriever who had caught the frisbee perfectly and brought it back to show off.  
  
“...” June swear she saw Serena’s tail wiggled.  
  
“You’re going down.”  
  


* * *

  
“What were you like? When you were little?”  
  
The whole nickname thing and the “punishment” afterwards made both of them exhausted. So now they retreated back into their previous position with Serena in June’s arms but this time June was caressing Serena’s back under the quilt.  
  
“Oh, i was good, the teachers loved me.” June’s voice was lazy and floating in the air.  
  
“I don’t believe you.” Serena said with utmost confidence.  
  
“Well, what were you like then? Wait, let me guess, Serena Joy, little Miss Perfect.” Somehow June couldn’t picture a little version of Serena.  
  
“Yeah, something like that.” Serena didn’t sound proud like June thought she would and the confidence in those voice only a second ago was no where to be found..  
  
“Did you ever go rouge?” Decided to not dwell on it, June asked instead.

“...Maybe?” Now THIS was the Serena June wanted to see.  
  
“I knew it!” June tickled Serena’s sensitive spot she discovered a littler earlier that was on the side of the blond’s waist.  
  
“Ah, stop it!”  
  
Due to the weak resistance action of Serena, June won the tickling game without question.  
  
“What is it?”   
  
Suddenly Serena was not moving at all and June’s brain reacted immediately.  
  
“Nothing.”   
  
Except that Serena was still staring at June’s questioning blue eyes.  
  
“What is it Serena?”  
  
June now had both of her arms on each side of Serena and she pushed herself up a little to get a better vision of the woman lying beneath her.  
  
“What if we don’t make it?”  
  
Serena’s voice was small.  
  
“We will make it.”  
  
June’s reply was not much louder but undoubtedly firmer.  
  
“But what if?”  
  
Serena took a look at June’s bare breasts and the marks she left on them, she couldn’t help but tracing the reddish spots.  
  
“Then **somebody** will.”  
  
June lowered her head a little so that Serena had no choice but to look back into June’s eyes.  
  
“You think?”  
  
There were waves in both oceans, beating against the rocks. 

“I **know**.”  
  
The waves met.

* * *

  
June was the big spoon that night.   
  
They talked and talked until someone remembered that they should get some sleep before the dawn since they had a plan. A plan that will change their lives and maybe the world forever.  
  
For some reason, June wasn’t surprised at all that both of them were here and did what they did.  
  
Maybe part of her wanted this.

In the middle of nowhere and forgetting about all the madness out there and talk and laugh and then talk and laugh more with someone who just gets you? And not afraid of once you say something that was deep and real and terrifying and that they’ll leave you alone and never come back?

Hell, she did want this.

Oh and the sex too.

June couldn’t remember the last time she was this close to someone, not like this. And she’s pretty sure that she never felt this exposed.

Emotionally naked. 

Bare.

She always felt bare when she was in the presence of Serena. That woman seemed to know some long-lost-dark-spell that made June feel seen every time she looked at those baby blue eyes.

Seen.

When June told Serena “**i see you**” she couldn’t help but think it was mutual.

Serena saw her for who she was too. 

It’s fucking ridiculous and extremely hilarious that they met under these circumstances but now that they did, June was ready to fight for it.

For them and for their daughters. 

June held Serena a little tighter and closed her eyes.  
  


* * *

  
Serena had a dream, she went back to the day where she got bullied in the school and went to her mother crying for some comfort only ended up alone in the bathroom with the door locked. She gave that little girl who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub with puffy eyes a hug and she whispered--

\-- “You will be just fine.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably the most tender one of this work, i know some of you think that they were already together (like a couple, but i’m afraid that wasn’t the right word to describe what they have), but i have to respectfully disagree because in my point view they weren’t, at least not “together” together.  
BUT guess what? After this one, i can happily say that they ARE “together” together. Physically and emotionally.  
One thing i love the most about these two is how interesting their relationship is. It’s not a love story, not entirely, and love has many forms anyway. Their relationship is a little bit of everything ---- anger, want, human connection under impossible circumstances, challenge, lust, danger, comfort, will, support, etc.  
In my mind, they can be who they really are in front of each other without the fear of being judged. And even when they showed the worst part of humanity sometimes they can always find an understanding somehow.  
  
So please enjoy this belated chapter and i hope it brings you some happiness that we all need especially now.  
As usual, comments and kudos are well appreciated (this means please comment and let me know what you think and yes i want everyone to like me even though it’s impossible but i do not care).  
  
P.S. Finding a cabin (or building, even though i’m the writer i have no idea how Serena made that happen i’m telling you) in the middle of nowhere just for one person? Fucking Romantic.


	12. WAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes another Chapter Y’all.  
These two are killing me cuz I can’t do anything else unless I get it done.  
I’ve been writing like crazy since yesterday and I’m definitely lack of sleep.  
I do not own any of the Characters only the grammar and spelling mistakes.  
Enjoy.
> 
> BGM: Winter Sound — Of Monsters and Men

  
You’ll be surprised at how quickly people can forget about a dead person.  


【NOVEMBER 23rd / THE HOSPITAL / 9:00AM】

  
“Where the FUCK were you?!”  
  
A sound slap was echoing in the hallway outside her daughter’s ward. Even with the loud siren going on and on above their heads, it was still audible.  
  
Serena, well Mrs.Waterford to be exact, was standing in front of a petrified but more confused Gilead guard. Thanks to those heels, Serena was at least three inches taller than the boy who opened his mouth to try to answer but nothing came out.  
  
“I...i don’t...i’m sorry Mrs.Waterford...” The boy finally said. And even though his voice was small it seemed to make Serena angrier than she already was (If that’s even possible).  
  
“Sorry? You are SORRY?! Do you have ANY idea what you’ve done?!!” With that being said, another slap of pure rage was on its way.  
  
“Serena, enough.”  
  
As her motion got interrupted by someone who grabbed her arm abruptly, She vaguely recalled that the voice sounded familiar. When Serena turned around to see who it was, she realized the person who saved that boy from kneeling on the floor begging was indeed her husband, Fred Waterford.

* * *

Fred Waterford was having a meeting with other Commanders in one of the conference rooms of the new center building when he heard a knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Fred said lightly. Although he was not happy about it but he figured whoever it was must have something important to tell them, at least important enough to dare to break into a room full of Commanders.   
  
“Nick?” The surprise in Commander Waterford’s voice was a little more obvious than he intended to.  
  
“Commander Waterford, may i have a word with you?” Nick’s face was serious, but then again he always looked serious.  
  
“Couldn’t it wait? I’m having a meeting.” Fred pulled on his Commander voice. He didn’t do that very often in front of Nick since he was quite found of his driver, but this is an important meeting.  
  
“I’m afraid it can not, Commander. It’s urgent.” Nick’s calm voice made Fred frowned a little.  
  
“Excuse me, gentlemen, i will be right with you.” Fred Waterford got up from the leather chair and smiled apologetically to his fellow Commanders, he buttoned his suit while walking towards the door.  
  
“Whatever this is, it better be momentous.” That fake smile of his was gone the second he closed the door behind him.  
  
“It is, Commander. The hospital called the house and said that your daughter is missing, Mrs.Waterford is there now and they said that she wanted me to let you know and drive you over.” Nick flooded out the words with no fluctuation in his tone.  
  
“What? How, how did that happen?” Fred knew the baby wasn’t technically HIS daughter but he also knew Serena loved that little girl more than anything else.  
  
“They presume it was Rita since she was the person who stayed at the hospital last night and now gone too.” Nick pursed his lips.  
  
“Give me a minute.” Fred was silent for a while then said slowly.  
  
“Yes, sir. I’ll be in the car.” With that, Nick disappeared from Fred’s sight.

* * *

And that’s how Fred Waterford ended up with his wife’s arm in his hand in the middle of a hospital hallway.  
  
“Fred, you’re here.” Serena’s voice was filled with agony and a hint of helpless that Fred had never heard of.  
  
Ever since the incident with Serena’s left pinky, the Waterfords had stopped treating each other like they were complete strangers. Of course, Fred Waterford felt guilty and in his mind Serena was still his wife by God’s words so Serena was his responsibility.  
  
Serena wasn’t exactly hot on Fred but she wasn’t cold either. And Fred took whatever bullshit she throw at him because he knew she was still angry about the finger (as one should).   
  
Fred figured this was his chance, to win his wife back.  
  
After all, all Commanders in Gilead needed a wife didn’t they?  
  
“Yes, i am. Nick told me everything and don’t worry, we’ll find her.” Fred looked at Serena and whispered softly, he even stroke Serena’s arm a few times to reassure her and to let her know that he meant it.  
  
“You promise?” Serena’s eyes were redder than blood. Tracks of tears glistening on her face.  
  
“I promise.” Fred answered quietly and placed a gentle kiss on Serena’s forehead.   
  
“Nick.” Fred then nodded towards Nick to imply that he should take Serena home to which Nick nodded back.  
  
“Any you, come with me.” Fred took his first look at the boy-guard who was still standing beside the ward’s door and the boy followed Fred’s steps out of the hospital.

* * *

“You can come out now.” A minute after Fred got out of her sight, Serena wiped her face clean with the back of her hands and said.  
  
“How was i?” Serena asked when she saw June appeared from a dark spot around the corner of the hallway.  
  
“Not bad for an Emmy.” June’s voice sounded a little funny to Serena’s ears.  
  
She’s been listening the whole time since it was their plan, well it was Serena’s but she agreed, and she was secretly peeking at the crowd. If the stroking of arm didn’t make her mad then that kiss on the forehead sure did the trick.  
  
She didn’t want to admit it and she probably never will, but June Osborne was jealous. Sadly Serena knew the mother of their daughter too well because the tall blond laughed a little when she saw the look on June’s face.  
  
Grumpy indeed.  
  
“Really? I thought you were gonna say the Globes.” Serena just couldn’t resist it.  
  
_Since when does this woman joke?_  
  
“Don’t push it.” June finally looked at Serena and she knew that Serena was making fun of her the second their eyes met.  
  
_Ugh. This woman._  
  
“Come on, we’ve got a plane to catch.”

  
【NOVEMBER 23rd / THE NEW CENTER BUILDING / 11:00AM】

  
Fred Waterford didn’t slow down one bit after he got out of the hospital.   
  
The boy-guard was a dead end for sure. 

Fred took out a silk handkerchief from his trouser’s pocket and wiped the blood on his knuckles clean. He was not a violent person, in fact he had always disdained the abuse of it. But he was not the man he used to be anymore, and being a Commander in Gilead had taught him one thing.  
  
Sometimes violence was the only answer.  
  
so he convened an interim meeting at the new center building since most of the Commanders he wanted to include were already there because of the previous meeting. The building hasn’t came into service yet and Fred and the other commanders were discussing the grand opening of it before Nick interrupted them with the news about the baby.  
  
“Gentlemen, thank you all for joining me at such short notice.” Fred Waterford opened the door of the main conference room and was pleased with what he saw.  
  
Every single Commander that was adequate and qualified enough (meant that they were the people Fred trusted more than others) were already there waiting for him. Only a few Commanders were the same rank as Fred and most of them were ranked beneath him. Gilead really didn’t have many high-ranked Commanders left (they were either got killed by the rebels or joined them).  
  
“I’m sure you’ve all heard the unforgivable and outrageous act of a Martha and in result a newborn child...is missing.”   
  
Serena’s tears-soaked-face was still fresh in his memory.  
  
Thanks to Serena’s temper, the whole hospital as well as the country went into a state of emergency when she pulled the alarm after she found out that her baby went missing.  
  
The newborns were the most valuable assets of Gilead.  
  
That was there slogan right from the beginning.

“...and that’s why we are here.” Fred looked at the other Commanders that sat around him. Their faces were calm as always, and in some way indifferent.  
  
“I’ve talked with the guard that was assigned to protect the baby and our best shot is with Canada.”   
  
He lied of course.  
  
That guard didn’t know anything even after Fred beat the shit out of him. Canada was Fred’s own guess since they’ve been shitting on them endlessly ever since Gilead was made.  
  
Not to mention the escaped handmaid.  
  
The timing was too coincidental.  
  
And there was no such thing as coincidence.  
  
“We already have a strained relationship with Canada, it doesn’t seem like the safest option.” One of the Commanders spoke.  
  
Fred looked for who it was and to his right hand seated Commander Noah Ripley.  
  
Always a conservative.  
  
“I’m afraid rescuing a Gilead’s child is hardly an ‘option’, Commander Ripley.” Fred never like him to be honest, and now he was just asking for it.  
  
“I’m just saying that we need to do more investigations that’s all. I have faith in our border control soldiers and if nothing’s been reported, there’s a great chance that the Martha and the baby is still here in Gilead.” Commander Ripley maybe the most conservative one of them all but he was also one of the smartest ones.  
  
And Fred could tell that some of the Commanders agreed with him.  
  
Wussies.  
  
“Nothing’s been reported yet, Commander Ripley.” Fred reminded him.  
  
“...And i believe in our loyal and devoted soldiers as much as you do but if we simply rely on the border control it would be too late. I mean surely you don’t want to give Canada another excuse to accuse our governing philosophy, do you?” Fred still had his fake smile on.  
  
Fred was glad to see some other Commanders nodded in approval.   
  
“But what if you’re wrong and the Martha didn’t take the baby to Canada? We might as well start a war with the Canadians for that matter.” Commander Ripley wasn’t backing down at all.  
  
“If there’s a war, the only party left standing would be us.”   
  
The conference room was dead silent after Fred’s last sentence.  
  
Just when Fred was ready to win the majority of votes with another powerful speech of his, the desk phone in front of him went off.  
  
He put it on speaker.  
  
“This is Fred Waterford, you’re on speaker.” Fred resisted the urge of smashing the phone into pieces and said in a sullen tone.   
  
“Commander Waterford...” It was Fred’s secretary “...i just got off the phone with the foreign minister of Canada and they wanted to hold an transparent diplomatic conference and they wanted you.” He sounded like he was in a trance, apparently he was still in shock.  
  
The room was not longer quiet.

  
【NOVEMBER 23rd / THE AIRPORT / 10:45AM】

  
June and Serena got out of the big black car when Nick killed the engine at the parking apron. The three of them went into a medium air freighter as quietly as they were humanly allowed. There were nothing but a black casket and some containers inside.

“Janine?” June searched the inside of the plane with her eyes then whispered.  
  
“June?” “Mommy?”  
  
Two voices were heard at the same time.  
  
Janine showed herself from behind a container and June’s bosom was suddenly filled.  
  
And then she got pulled into somebody’s arms.   
  


【NOVEMBER 22nd / THE HOSPITAL / 11:30PM】 

  
After sending June back to the Waterford house, Rita took her time to relax just a little bit. Convincing June that she was capable of taking care of the baby was not easy since June Osborne might be the most stubborn person you’ll ever meet. And what made it even harder was that Rita was doing that under Serena’s request.

Yes, Serena Waterford.  
  
Who was just as stubborn (if not more) as the mother of her daughter.  
  
Rita didn’t know what Serena was going to do but frankly she really didn’t give a damn. So she said yes to Serena and now was getting some much-needed-break from those two star-crossed lovers.  
  
Rita sat down on the chair beside baby girl’s crib and looked at her little hands and face. Suddenly she remembered her own son who got killed in the war. Although she didn’t think of him that much like she used to do, she’ll forget the refreshing smell of his hair when he was a newborn like June’s daughter.  
  
“You know, your mothers sure are difficult” Rita said seriously to the baby “so gook luck kid.” and then she smiled warmly.  
  
When it was almost midnight, Rita took out the syringe that Serena gave her the previous night and an access card, she waited by the door and listened.   
  
Finally, the footprints that was loud in front of the door faded away and Rita opened the door after checking the baby’s status then followed the whistling tune of the guard.  
  
She aimed at his neck and stick the needle in from behind when he was taking a piss. Whatever stuff was in the injector that Serena gave her was strong because the man was down before he could even get to his gun.  
  
Rita went back to the ward and picked up the crib made sure that the baby had enough clothes to keep her warm. By the time she arrived at the underground parking lot and opened the final door with the access card Serena gave her, She saw Nick was already waiting for them.   
  
They stopped 20 yards away from the Mackenzie’s house.  
  
Rita left the baby with Nick then got out of the car and knocked on the back door of the house. When the door opened she saw Hannah dressed plainly standing beside the Mackenzie’s Martha Miriam.  
  
“Good luck.” Miriam hugged Hannah one last time and said to Rita.  
  
“You too.” Rita nodded.  
  
“Are you sacred?” Halfway to the car Rita asked Hannah who may looked like a six-year-old on the outside but the expressions in her eyes sure weren’t.  
  
Rita couldn’t help but think of June.   
  
The same stubbornness that she knew too well.   
  
Hannah must’ve gotten that from her mother.  
  
It’s funny how everything always traced back to June.  
  
Rita helped Hannah got into the car and buckled both of them up and led Nick drove them into the darkness.

  
【NOVEMBER 22nd / THE SHEPHERD HOUSEHOLD / 8:00PM】

  
After Janine’s funeral and the meeting with Hannah, Emily went back to her Commander’s house. She spend the rest of the day in her room lying on the bed and staring at the mildew on the ceiling.

Watching June’s emotional reunion with Hannah made her think of Oliver.   
  
That was what kept her going all these years. Knowing that her son and her wife, her families were safe and sound living in Canada.  
  
Even the days when she couldn’t see any hope, that thought was her power source.  
  
In fact, especially the days when there wasn’t any hope.  
  
And those days were a lot.  
  
The first year as a Handmaid was the hardest and the second wasn’t exactly any lighter but she developed a coping system. She joined Mayday in her third year and was ready to give up in her fourth. She was about to accept that this was her fate, her destiny, when she met June.  
  
June was the one who saved her.  
  
Emily didn’t know why but the first time she met June she had a feeling that this woman’s different.  
  
Emily was sure of it once she got a chance to look at June in the eyes. There was something quite unusual in June’s eyes and Emily didn’t know what it was at the time but she knew she could trust June.  
  
So she told June that Nick was an eye of Gilead.  
  
She didn’t expect that Nick would be the father of June’s baby.  
  
And she certainly didn’t expect that Serena would be the other mother of June’s baby either.

People can really surprise you sometimes.  
  
That was what she thought of when the Shepherd’s Martha told her that there was a plan to destroy Gilead once and for all. And the person who came up with this little plan?  
  
Serena Joy Fucking Waterford.  
  
Emily just hoped that June had better taste in women than men.  
  
The door of her room got opened when it was eight clock sharp in the evening. The Shepherd’s Martha Debora appeared behind the door frame.   
  
Debora was an old woman, that’s probably why she became a Martha.  
  
“I’m not feeling well, i think i need to lie down a bit, could you please prepare the dinner for the Commander and his wife? I’ve already chopped vegetables you need and the chicken is in the oven.” Debora looked like she could puke at anytime.  
  
“Sure, you go have some rest, i can take over.” Emily got up from her bed and went downstairs to the kitchen.  
  
Emily was a great cook.  
  
She used to love cooking for her wife and son. She still remembered her wife Sylvia’s favourite food was Spaghetti and her son never liked roasted potatoes.  
  
She started to forget things about them now. And that terrified her unceasingly.  
  
“Thank you Ofdavid, it was a nice meal.” Mrs.Shepherd said to her when she came into the kitchen again to fetch the dirty dishes.  
  
“Yes, Mrs.Shepherd.”   
  
Emily almost started to feel bad about that bottle of untraceable liquid toxin she put in their meal.  
  
Almost.

Emily heard the noises when the clock just past eleven. She went downstairs and opened the main bedroom without knocking.   
  
“Mrs.Shepherd are you okay?” She already knew the answer but the little kid in her heart couldn’t resist it.  
  
“...” Of course Mrs.Shepherd didn’t get a chance to say a word (not that she could because of the poison) before she dropped dead on her own bed.  
  
The bed that she once held Emily down on by the wrist and watched as her husband raping their handmaid.  
  
The banality of evil.  
  
Emily decided that she was not sorry. Not even one bit.  
  
When she reached the back door of the Shepherd’s house, Emily heard Debora’s voice.  
  
“You forgot this.” Debora handed her the cape “It’s cold outside.”  
  
“Thank you.” Emily took the cape and put it on.  
  
She wanted to say something but all she could do was looking at Debora’s wrinkle-covered-face.  
  
“It’s okay. I’ll deal with the rest. Go back to your families.” Debora smiled her first smile of the night.  
  
“What about you?” Emily finally opened her mouth.  
  
“I’ve got no one left.” And then Debora closed the door.  
  
When the back door of Commander Warren’s house opened, Emily felt like her legs might finally give up on her.  
  
Commander Warren’s Martha handed Emily a crib and told her to wait a minute. Three minutes past, the Martha finally showed up again and gave Emily a thicker coat. They exchanged a look and Emily went back into the night again.  
  
Half an hour went by since the Warren household, Emily realized that she forgot to ask the Martha’s name.   
  


【NOVEMBER 23rd / THE AIRPORT / 12:00AM】

  
They began to say their goodbyes.  
  
“Take this, and FIND her.” June gave Emily a picture of Moira since she figured there’s a great chance that Moira was staying with Luke.  
  
June’s heart got torn into pieces every time she thought of Luke. But this was not the time to get sentimental so she buried her feelings deeper.  
  
“I will.” Emily carefully put the picture inside her clothes and nodded heavily.  
  
“And you” June looked down at Hannah who’s been in her arms ever since she showed up “You be good okay?” tears started to form in June’s eyes.  
  
“Okay.” Hannah nodded cleverly.  
  
“I love you baby.” June knelt on the floor and buried her face in Hannah’s hair.  
  
“I love you too mommy.” Hannah whispered back.  
  
“It’s time.” Nick appeared from behind them and there was a young man standing next to him.  
  
“Is this him?” Serena who was extremely quiet after they arrived at the airport asked while holding her daughter.  
  
Nick picked the person he trusted the most, his comrade-in-arms John, to be their pilot and he nodded when his gazed shifted from Serena’s eyes to her arms.  
  
“Do you want to hold her?” Serena’s voice was soft.  
  
June was surprised at this action of Serena’s and apparently everybody else did too, because they all looked at Nick and Serena’s direction simultaneously.  
  
“She’s beautiful.” Nick stared at the baby in his arms.  
  
“What’s her name?” Nick questioned and looked at Serena  
  
Serena, on the other hand, looked at June and lifted her eyebrows slightly.   
  
“Nicole.” June said quietly.  
  
She and Serena discussed the name of their daughter last night when they were lying on the cabin’s bed.   
  
They’ve been discussing it ever since they found out about June’s pregnancy and the outcome was always the same.  
  
June wanted to name their baby Holly after her mother and Serena wanted to name their daughter Nicole.  
  
So they never did reach an agreement.  
  
Until now.  
  
Serena looked like she wanted to pin June against the wall and kiss her senseless.  
  
And everyone else who was present could see that.  
  
Not that Serena cared.  
  
“Okay lovebirds, we really need to go.” Rita’s words made both of them flushed a little.  
  
The enormous sound of the propeller when the plane took off was making it harder for them to hear each others’ voices, so June intertwined her fingers with Serena’s.  
  
When the plane became a looming black spot in the sky, the remaining three went back into the car again and headed towards the Waterford house.   
  


【NOVEMBER 23rd / THE HOSPITAL / 12:45AM】

  
They were currently sitting on a long bench outside the operating room.  
  
Shortly after they arrived at the house the phone of the living room went off and it was someone from the hospital telling them that there’s been an accident at the new center building.  
  
Apparently it was jerry-built which caused the whole building to collapse and it was supposed to be nothing since the grand opening was next week. But the Commanders’ meeting was unscheduled and now they all got buried under that heap of rubble.   
  
Many Commanders got killed right on the spot but some survived.   
  
Fred Waterford was one of them.

The rescue team pulled a miserable looking Fred under the ruins and sent him into hospital for surgeries, and that’s why they’re here.   
  
June looked to her left side and stared at Serena’s jawline.  
  
She didn’t know how the tall blond pulled that one off.  
  
Nobody knew the whole plan, and even June only knew the rough version of it -- get everyone else they cared about out first and then the two of them.  
  
_The rest was in there._ June lifted up her gaze and stared at Serena’s temple.  
  
As if knew what June was thinking about, Serena turned around to look at her. When their eyes met June saw that there were nothing but comfort and adoration in those eyes.  
  
So June decided that she did not care.  
  
She didn’t care how Serena had managed to make the building fall or that Fred’s undead or whatever. Because what she really cared about were on a plane flying out of Gilead’s touch at this very second.  
  
Her daughters will be safe. Both of them.  
  
The lights of the operating room turned green and a doctor came out.  
  
“Mrs.Waterford, the good news is that Mr.Waterford is still alive, and the bad news is that he’s still in a coma.” The doctor took of his mask then said to Serena with weary eyes.  
  
“Is he going to wake up?” June was impressed with the concern in Serena’s voice.  
  
_Maybe she’s right, she does deserve the Globes._  
  
“I’m sorry but we really don’t know.” The doctor said regretfully, “if you’ll excuse me, i have another surgery waiting.” He nodded at Serena and then disappeared into the hallway.  
  
“Well, what’s next then?” June asked.  
  
“We” Serena replied while walking towards the hospital’s gate, “are going to have a meeting with the ladies.”  
  
June followed her steps into the car.

  
【NOVEMBER 23rd / THE WATERFORD HOUSE / 3:00PM】

  
June was standing in the corner of the living room with her head down. She listened as the Waterford house went tumultuous than it’s never been before.

Serena called together the wives who’s husbands got buried underneath the building. Only seven of the wives show up since most of the Commanders were with God now and their wives were grieving.  
  
“I just don’t understand how can something like this happen?!” A woman’s agitated voice broke through.  
  
June remembered her, she was Commander Manson’s wife.  
  
She and Serena never saw eye to eye.  
  
“It must’ve been the rebels, those Godless creatures.” Said Mrs.Ripley, it’s pretty obvious that the Ripleys shared a mutual understanding about Gilead and the people who betrayed them.  
  
“I heard it was one of us who did it.” A dark-haired woman chipped in.  
  
June was having trouble putting a name to that face but the woman looked like an acquaintance she used to know before Gilead.   
  
“Nonsense! That can’t be true!” Commander Manson’s wife added almost daftly, she took another piece of tissue from the end table and blew her nose.  
  
“I think it was the Canadians.” Serena finally joined their conversation and the room went into deathly stillness.  
  
Ever since the conversation (argument really) began, Serena’s been sitting on the living room’s sofa watching them tranquilly. She listened to the wives’ disputing with and occasionally satirizing each other, and drank her cup of tea clean, sip by sip.  
  
“Fred’s secretary told me that the Canadians wanted to have a transparent diplomatic conference with us. And they’ve already set the date.” Serena continued.   
  
“When?” Naomi Putnam was the first one to speak after the silence.  
  
“Tomorrow night.”  
  
Serena now put down her teacup and looked at the women in the room with a solemn look on her face.   
  
“So what do you suggest that we do?” The dark-haired woman asked.  
  
“We go instead.” Serena began her persuasion.

“The Canadians have been giving us a hard time even before our country was found, and one of the things they used against us more often these years is the alleged rule about how Gilead doesn’t allow women to be involved in politics. So if we go instead of our husbands, there will be no more rumors which will most definitely get more ridiculous if we didn’t show up at the conference or cancel it.”  
  
_Nice one. _  
  
June knew Serena had a gifted tongue, she did watch the videos of Serena’s speeches before Gilead.  
  
And to be fair, Serena did have a point.  
  
“Who should go instead then?” Naomi Putnam looked at Serena.  
  
_Is she part of the plan?_ June wasn’t sure.   
  
They voted anonymously.  
  
Serena and Naomi won by a distinct advantage.

* * *

“How did you do it?”  
  
June found Serena standing in front of the kitchen counter busy with chopping later that night. There was a pot on the stove beside her and inside was what appeared to be borscht but June couldn’t see clearly from the distance and the colour of the soup looked a lot redder, almost crimson.  
  
“Do what?” Serena answered but she didn’t turn around. She put the chopped cabbages inside the pot and started stirring.  
  
“The building.” June got closer to Serena.  
  
_So It was borscht. _  
  
“I didn’t do anything.” Serena put some seasoning inside the pot and the oven rang “I just happened to find the error in the system.” She put on the mittens and took out a tray of grilled garlic bread.   
  
_That smells good...wait, what error?_  
  
“A good Samaritan.” Serena said after she placed the tray on the dining table “Do you mind setting the table?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Just when June was about to ask what does the Samaritan mean she saw Serena scooped a spoonful of soup, and June tasted it subconsciously when Serena held it up to her mouth.  
  
“Do you like it?” Serena asked with anticipation in her voice.  
  
June had to admit that Serena had more talent in gardening than cooking.  
  
“Yes, very.”  
  
But it was Serena’s first time cooking for her, well for both of them technically, so June lied.  
  
_It’s efforts that counts._  
  
Serena’s smile was bashful with a hint of proudness, and June decided that it was worth it. Then they sat down on the same table and ate their dinner in comfortable silence.   
  
Until June remembered something rather important.   
  
“Where’s Aunt Lydia?”  
  
June knew there was something she neglected and that feeling of uncertainty has been hanging around in the back of her head all day long.   
  
Serena just smiled.  
  
June was still staring, she had to have an answer that wasn’t a fucking riddle or smoke shell this time.  
  
Knowing her stubborn companion, Serena finally gave up and used the napkin that was on her lap to wipe the corner of her mouth then stared back at June with amusement in her eyes.

“I mean, it WAS a casket after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty intense isn’t it?  
Comment and tell me what you think!  
They finally started to fight back!!! YAY!  
And Janine is NOT dead!! (I mean I would never)  
I have to say that Serena really knows what she’s doing. I was as impressed as June. (I just love badass and kind of mysterious Serena so much)  
Screw Gilead.  
Oh and by the way, the Samaritan idea?  
It was because of the TV show “Person of Interest”. It’s definitely my top three TV shows. I highly recommend it you guys, it’s just superb:-)


	13. WATERFORD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Hey there beautiful people. It’s been a while.   
Good news: I’ve finished the rest of this work, and i will post them all in one day! But i can only edit each chapter with my phone due to some technical reasons so these remaining chapters are not as long as some of the previous ones (I broke them down into four chapters when technically it could be written as two). That’s why i want to post them together cuz i feel like it’s best to read them all at once.   
I just want to say thank you, thank you, and thank you.  
For going through this journey with me, for your generosities and encouragements and advices, for loving these two as much as i do, for kindly overlooking my grammar and spelling mistakes and for helping me to become a better story-teller. I could go on and on but i’m sure that you guys and girls and fabulous souls that don’t defined by gender are all waiting for the rest of the story.  
It’s been a hell of eight months. I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.  
So, without further ado, here’s the rest of “When We Rise”.   


Gilead is a game.

It always has been.

They already knew that.

They just took the wrong enemy.

Check.

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE WATERFORD HOUSE / 6:00AM】

The nipping November air that crept into the attic through the half closed window put a stop to her sleep. 

She opened her eyes and there’s a scene she’ll never get tired of looking at.

Barely visible freckles spreading across the collarbones and the pale skin made them even lighter. The erect jawline that took a sharp turn where the neck and chin met. Sculptured nose that would, without a doubt, reach into the sky if it weren’t for the gravity. 

And those eyes.

The eyes she knew too well that even with the lids closed she could still see it, picture it effortlessly. The eyes that always looked alert, always hidden.

June’s face was only an inch away.

All it took was an uplift and their noses would be touching and those divine lips would be hers. 

Ever since the night at the cabin, Serena became the little spoon. Neither of them suggested it. It just sort of happened. 

They didn’t talk about it either because frankly talking (especially with each other) really wasn’t their thing.

They were doers who preferred actions.

Listening to the sound of her beating heart, Serena decided that she could get use to this. Whether “this” was being the little spoon or waking up in June’s arms. 

Suddenly she’s not cold anymore.

Although it won’t hurt to be a litter closer.

Serena never knew you could feel this satisfied from a simple thing.

A touch.

The feeling of your bare skins touching even barer ones.

She couldn’t help but think how they’ve wasted so much time in pondering, guessing if the other person felt what they felt and wanted what they wanted.

Serena sighed contented to herself and watched as June’s chest rose up and down with each breath the woman took. A string of June’s hair got stuck on her forehead and Serena would’ve tucked it behind her ears if it weren’t for the fact that it would wake her up.

And Serena didn’t want to wake her up. Not now.

If fact, she wished that time could just stop.

Right here.

With their legs tangled and her hand on the small of June’s back.

So she traced the outline of June’s face with her eyes. Inch by inch, over and over again.

Serena wanted to remember everything.

She wanted to grasp any chance she can get and savor every second she had with June. Embedded it, engrave it onto her skull if she could.

Because she knew that time’s running short and their baby girl’s waiting. 

And that there’s a plan. 

Her plan.

It’s not that she didn’t know what June was thinking.

June may not say anything verbally but her eyes said it all.

_“How did you do it?”_

_“What’s gonna happen next?”_

_“Is this part of the plan as well?”_

_“I trust you.”_

Sometimes Serena thought that she knew June better than the woman knew herself and vise versa.

It had some kind of truth in it because in some way they were the same, even when they made each other’s life a living hell.

That’s why they couldn’t stand each other nor stand living without each other.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?

Except that enemies don’t kiss or enjoy themselves in the biblical way or raising a daughter together.

But hey, people can surprise you sometimes.

Serena knew her little plan was shaky as hell and it required exquisite timing and pennies-from-the-heaven-luck. One wrong move, they could all kiss the day goodbye and say hello to Hades himself.

They had to be careful.

And if God forbid something did go wrong, Serena didn’t want to let June think that it was because of something she did or did not do.

So Serena cut June out of the picture. Or everyone else for that matter.

This was her mess.

So it should be her war to fight.

“Do you think you can quit staring at me?” 

June’s lazy voice brought Serena back form her little world, and when she looked up, those blue eyes were as fresh as the first breath one drew the minute they were born.

Serena’s heart skipped a beat.

“I don’t think i ever will.”

The corner of her mouth turned into a smile when June kissed her good morning.

Those lips were hers after all.

“Okay, Pervert.” 

June’s in a good mood. 

“You’re welcome.”

Serena figured that she could be in a good mood as well, at least for now.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Serena whispered while raising her hand to touch June’s face.

“Anything you make. I’m not a picky person.” June closed her eyes the second their skins met and sighed in comfort.

“Really? I think i’m gonna make some bacon then.”

Serena watched June’s suddenly-wide-open-eyes and laughed uncontrollably.

June never recovered from her dislike of meat she had formed when she was pregnant with Nicole.

And Serena knew it. A little bit too well.

“Asshole.” June put on her offended face and Serena would’ve believed her if it weren’t for the teasing in her voice.

“Hmm, I thought you would know by now that i’m not against them, if not before as least from last night.” Serena teased back with a straight face.

June looked at Serena disbelievingly with her mouth forming into an “O” shape and the next thing Serena knew was the sudden pillow fight she found herself in. 

“Okay, okay, truce.” Serena surrendered when the pillow fight turned into a tickle game.

“That ought to teach you a lessen.” June smiled victoriously when she leaned in to kiss Serena.

“Grilled cheese it is.” Serena murmured against June’s lips.

****************

June took in the sight in front of her.

Serena was wearing her outrageously thin night gown (seriously, if Gilead didn’t want the Wives to have intercourse, they shouldn’t have made the night gown with the thinnest fabric they could find), and June knew that the usually-elegant-woman didn’t bother to even try putting on her underwear this morning.

Part of it was her fault. Things got heated pretty quickly after an extremely hot make out session June started.

Okay it was definitely her fault but somehow June couldn’t be happier about the fact that she was the only one in the entire world who knew Serena Joy was going commando.

_And i took that underwear off of her myself._

Her gaze shifted from Serena’s exposed legs to her waist then to her hands that were busy buttering the pan.

She could still remember the feeling of those hands touching her skins and setting her body on fire.

_Those hands sure can do more than gardening._

When Serena raised her hand to brush the side of her face, June’s gazed followed the motion and landed on Serena’s neck.

_Her neck._

_Her beautiful neck._

_Wait, is that...a hickey?_

“Oh God, you startled me.” Serena turned around and jolted a little when she saw June standing beside the kitchen door.

“Please, who else could it be.” June tried to sound as poised as possible so that Serena wouldn’t notice the blood that was rushing to her checks.

“I don’t know, it could be anyone. Anything really.” Serena put the food in their plates and sat down next to June.

“Well, sorry to disappoint, it’s just me.” June joked before taking a bite of her food and sighed, it’s been so long since she had a real grilled cheese.

“You will never be a disappointment. Not to me.” Serena said strictly.

“Okay.” June squinted her eyes trying to read Serena’s expression but there were nothing much to read. So she figured it was just one of those things Serena usually did when the blonde tended to take the most insignificant thing too seriously.

“The food is good.” June was telling the truth. It really was. Better than the borscht anyway.

Serena smiled in return.

And it was that exact smile made June realized something.

“You enjoy doing this, aren’t you? This whole Martha Stewart thing.” The tease in June’s voice could not be more obvious.

“What if i am? Are you gonna arrest me?” Serena looked at her defiantly and batted her eyes at June.

Suddenly the grilled cheese was not what interested June anymore.

“Well, tell me, Miss What-if-i-am. Is this what you had in mind when you walked into the kitchen?” June licked her lips and wiped her mouth with the napkin. She got up from her chair and with a few steps she straddled Serena’s legs.

June was happy to see that Serena’s hands were immediately on her waist.

“It will be from now on.”

Serena had many good qualities.

Rushing into sex wasn’t one of them.

Lucky for her, June Osborne was not the type of person who would rather wait when sex was on the table (or in this case, lap) either.

****************

“Could you?” Serena turned her head back slightly to look at June who was standing beside the main bedroom’s bed and nodded towards her back.

June walked up to Serena’s side and zipped up the Gilead Wife’s dress after she put a gentle kiss on the hickey she spotted earlier that was on the lower right side of Serena’s neck.

_God bless the turtle neck._

“There. You’re all set.” June whispered against Serena’s neck and pulled her into a tight hug.

June still remembered the first time it happened. She was on the receiving end of course, and the hug was not really what she was expecting for. But now for some reason June didn’t want to let go.

She stared at their reflections in the mirror.

Serena looked beautiful. Queenly even.

But there was something about the atmosphere around Serena that felt different. June noticed this a while back and at the time she couldn’t quite put her fingers on what had changed.

Now though, with Serena in her arms and gazing lovingly at her through the mirror and the colour of their dresses blending together slowly, June knew what it was. 

Serena became a real mother.

A mother who would do whatever it takes to save her daughter. 

June squeezed Serena’s waist a little harder due to that thought and Serena raised up her hand to rest on the top of June’s head then gave it a little pat.

They stood their for a while. Neither of them moved nor wanted to. 

Finally Serena managed to turn around inside June’s arms and she used her index finger to lift up June’s head when the petite woman didn’t look up.

One look and they knew.

_“I don’t want to let go.”_

_“I don’t want to let go either.”_

But instead of those words, they exchanged their final confirmation.

“Now?”

“Now.”

As soon as they opened the door of the Waterford house, Serena stopped. And when June was about to ask what happened, she saw it too.

There were at least half a dozen Gilead guards waiting on the driveway and none of them looked remotely familiar.

June clenched her fist under the disguise of her handmaid’s dress and turned to her right side.

The look on Serena’s face made June’s heart sink and quiver.

June may not know how Serena made a giant building collapse or how she’s planning to smuggle them out but she was certain of one thing.

**This was not part of the plan.**

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE HOSPITAL / 8:30AM】

“Why Serena?” 

Fred Waterford questioned the second they walked into the room. Hoarse and grainy voice was disturbing for one’s ears, and not to mention the venom leaking from within.

Turned out those guards were taking them to the hospital under Commander Waterford’s order who magically woke up from a coma this early morning and gave the command just in time.

_Of course, who else could it be._

_Blessed fucker._

June had to admit that she was surprised at first when she saw Fred half-lying on his hospital bed. Not because of the fact that he woke up but rather the state he was in.

His usually-impeccable-looks got replaced with a hospital gown and some messy hair and crazy growing beard. There were multiple bruises and cuts all over his exposed face and chest skin and June swear she saw a giant hideous scar on his left forearm.

June had never seen him like this.

Under very different circumstances June may feel sorry for him but now all she wanted to do was to give Serena a “well done” kiss.

“What are you talking about Fred?” Serena weighted the situations and she decided that it’s best to play dumb first.

The confusion and concern in Serena’s voice made June laugh inside her head.

_The Globes would be a belittlement, this woman deserves an Oscar._

“Gilead was your idea...and now you want to destroy it and cast it away. And you want to cast me away too.” Fred didn’t even look at the two of them who were standing beside the ward’s door.

He wasn’t buying at all. 

“Why?” He questioned for the second time.

Those words and that tone again.

He sounded like a wounded animal confronting his hunters.

“We were good.” 

Fred finally turned and faced them.

His gauze-and-bandage-covered right eye was a shock at first but the sadness on his face, authentic as it could ever be, made June want to puke.

_Looks like Serena isn’t the only one who can act in this room._

“I don’t think getting emotionally involved with another woman when you are married can be considered as ‘good’.”

A great lobbyist always knew when to play dumb and when not to.

Serena was impatient. June could tell.

But so did June.

They had a plan. Serena’s plan. They shouldn’t be wasting time here.

“I did not do such thing.”

Fred rushed to deny before Serena could finish.

“Really? In case you couldn’t see clearly with one eye, she’s here too. Do you want her to tell you how she felt when you were RAPING her?”

Serena was always fiesty when she’s impatient.

June thought that she would’ve gotten used to the true nature about the ceremony right about now, but hearing Serena say it out loud still did something to her inside.

“Don’t you remember that YOU were the one who suggested it, Miss feminist?”

Fred sounded agitated and apparently he shouldn’t be this fluctuating because he started coughing right after the last syllable.

“It was supposed to be a strict measure to improve the birthing rate! A sacred action. But you and your fellow men turned it into a stupid game to flaunt your male chauvinism in front of everybody.”

Serena took the chance to fire her guns and June had to hand it to her that it was a brilliant shot.

_You should never mess with a mother who’s trying everything she can to get together with her daughter._

“At least me and my fellow men were doing it under God’s eyes.”

_Ugh, not again._

June was so sick of this whole doing-good-deeds-under-god’s-words-thing.

Because guess what? 

_God doesn’t give a damn._

“But YOU...” 

Fred pushed himself up a little from the bed and now had his back leaning against the wall.

“...don’t think that i don’t know your little game with the handmaid. When did it all start huh?” He looked at Serena straight in the eyes when he said the word “handmaid”. 

His arms were shaking.

“Was it before or after she’s pregnant? It was the plan all along wasn’t it. To have a **baby**.” He didn’t look away. In fact, he looked like he just found the world’s greatest treasure and going mad because of it.

“Well guess what? Serena? She’s NOT your daughter just like she’s not mine either!” He said while laughing. Like self-pitying but for the both of them.

_Uh-oh._

_Bull’s eye._

Now June actually felt sorry for him.

_Seriously, and speaking from personal experiences, you don’t want to deal with a furious Serena Joy._

“You make me sick.” 

Serena’s voice didn’t have any emotions at all.

_Told ya._

“And MY little game? Really? Because the last time i checked, it was YOU who invited ‘THE HANDMAID’ to play Scrabble and it was also YOU who took her to the Jezebel’s.” 

Serena didn’t want to use that specific word but she did it out of the needs to emphasize and for ironic purposes.

She’s sure June could understand.

Well. She hoped.

A gentle pat on the small of her back proved her right, and it gave her some strength she didn’t know she needed.

“So how do you feel like telling everyone that a Commander got killed because of you?” Serena said slowly and suddenly not impatient anymore. 

She knew how digging up old dirt would affect him.

“Me? I didn’t even know he was there and i certainly was not the one who killed him.” Fred took the bite easily, almost corny.

“Plus EVERYONE was a regular. You don’t really have a case there.” Fred said rather confidently.

He was still rational.

“Maybe.” Serena said in a low voice.

She saw this coming.

“But you **did** kill someone didn’t you?” 

That’s why she dug deeper.

Now it was Serena’s turn to smile.

“I did that for YOU! He shot you!” Fred looked at Serena implausibly like she had lost her mind.

Just like she thought, he’s about to lost it. 

“A murder’s a murder.” 

Serena knew she won. So she added a little indifference into her voice just for fun.

“You have no prove.” Fred gnashed his teeth while saying and trying to maintain his last bit of class. If he did have any to begin with.

“Don’t be so sure Waterford.” Serena said calmly. She was done circling and playing house with him.

She really had way more important things to do.

When she turned around and was about to walk towards the door, Fred’s voice was heard again.

“Please Serena, stay...we can still work it out...I, I still love you.” He was pratically begging.

_Gross_. 

“Cut the bull Fred, a love of decency does not abide in you.” Serena’s not even trying to hide the disgust in her voice.

“...you are just a pathetic little clown who’s incapable of love and by some Goddamn miracles if you can? The only person you’ll ever love is and will always be yourself.” She turned to face him again.

Years of marriage certainly could teach you a lot about your partner.

“No! That is NOT true...I love YOU Serena, even now...i...It was her!...Yes! It was HER who took you away from me! This is all her fault! You ungodlier succubus!” 

Fred lifted up his shaky hand and pointed at June while shouting at the top of his voice, which sounded like a broken record considering the fact that he had to breathe deeply in between every other words.

Apparently Fred Waterford flunked a lesson named “Marriage”.

“You know what, Fred? Even after all that’s happened and all that i’ve said, i still think you can be a charming man when you wanted to.” Serena shook her head ever so slightly.

He was looking at her dully but with a hint of hope that wasn’t there before.

Serena, on the other hand, walked slowly to stand beside his hospital bed and gave him a condescending look. 

“But the least thing you should do in your soulless self-righteous inappreciable life? Is to insult the mother of my daughter in front of me.” Her face wore nothing but disappointment.

With that, Serena managed to caught him off guard and used the syringe she lifted earlier to inject some air into his infusion tube.

Fred looked gawky like he couldn’t process what’s happening. 

Serena dropped the syringe on the floor the second it became useless. 

Fred tried to grab her by the arms but he was too weak and slow and Serena was too decisive.

Fred’s belated realization made him press the emergency button on the side of his bed. The siren went off.

“You both are going to hell! HELL!!” He shouted like a maniac.

“Can’t you see? We’re already in it.” Serena grabbed June’s arm and looked back at him one last time.

“And don’t worry, I’ll burn that mother to the ground too.”

With that, they disappeared behind the door.

“You will never leave Gilead Serena, i swear to GOD! NEVER!!”

Fred’s voice was echoing in the hallway.

Behind the two running women was a beaten down Gilead guard and a bunch of worry-looking doctors rushing towards Fred’s ward.

The sound of siren didn’t stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was the part “Her beautiful neck” because of the TV show “Fleabag”? HELL YES. I loooooove Phoebe Waller-Bridge. She’s such a genius. I want to BE her. Just saying.
> 
> By the way, the BGM of this chapter is “Married with children” by Oasis


	14. WIFE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The “Rich Text” button didn’t show up on my phone when I’m editing this so I had to learn what the hell is HTML. So if there’s any mistakes I’m sorry, this is totally new for me.  
Enjoy.

Has anyone ever pointed out their resemblances?

Blonde hair, blue eyes and a strong jaw line?

Well, turned out it came in handy some times.

Checkmate.

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE ROAD / 10:00AM】

“Did he really do it?”

Serena was the one behind the wheels.

Not because June didn’t want to feel what it’s like to be able to drive again after so many years, but after watching Serena gave one of the Guards a hard knock on the back of his neck and another one a kick to the balls, June felt it’s best to not disagree with Serena when the woman said “I’m driving”.

Serena wasn’t the violent type. But then again, maybe it was because she didn’t have many opportunities to be violent -- If you can overlook the part where she was physical (in a non-sexual way) with June at the beginning of their relationship.

It was kinda hot to be honest. 

June turned her head from the passenger seat.

There were a million questions she wanted to ask Serena but that was the only one that scratched its way out.

“Do what?” 

Serena’s eyes were on the road. Even though they were in the middle of a very dangerous and exigent situation, and despite of the fact that they just became two fugitives of Gilead half an hour ago, June still found a layer of freshness dancing on Serena’s face.

_She seemed...happy?_

“Murdered someone?” June asked carefully. 

“Yes.” Still eyeing the road.

The blunt answer made June raised her brows. She still couldn’t get use to this no-filter version of Serena.

In the next two minutes, all June heard was the sound of the tires rubbing the cement underneath. But she didn’t shift her gaze. 

“It was a long time ago. Long before Gilead.”

June was in the middle of tracing Serena’s profile with her eyes when Serena’s mouth moved. She fought the urge of kissing those lips.

_Now is not the time, Osborne._

“I gave a speech at a university about my ideas that eventually became the blueprint of this place. Fred was there too.”

Instead of her lips, June tired to concentrate on what Serena was saying. And she immediately regretted popping the question out.

“It was a very successful speech. I was thrilled that somebody listened and agreed with me and i managed to sway some of the protestors.”

Serena was like the worst storyteller ever. Bleak and agonizingly slow. Even though she was telling her own story, something that actually happened to her.

June didn’t like this. Not at all.

“After the event we were suppose to get in the car that was parked outside of the auditorium, but there was a secret sniper hiding in the dark that nobody knew.”

June wanted to tell Serena “stop”. Because she could already fill out the blanks and also because she saw Serena’s knuckles turned white.

“I got shot right in the abdomen and after the gunshot everything was a blur for me. All i remembered was i woke up in a hospital bed with a pain i’ve never felt before in my life and the doctor’s diagnosis.”

June suddenly remembered. The scars on Serena’s lower stomach. It never occurred to June to ask what was it about.

_Well, now you know, great work Osborne._

“You see, i was not born barren.”

Serena’s tone became lighter when she said the word “barren”. June noticed.

“Someone made me that.”

No matter how hard the woman in front of her was trying to sound like a cold-hearted bitch, June still detected the thickness in Serena’s voice and it broke June’s heart.

“But it gave me Nicole, and **you**.” 

Serena gave her a look that said “It’s okay”, although June knew it was not. But she didn’t know what to say so June put her left hand on top of Serena’s right one that was on the gear and squeezed it.

Serena smiled at her and squeezed back.

“Shit.” 

June watched as Serena’s facial expression changed.

It’s not often June heard Serena curse, usually it happened when they were both in bed and that was only a few time.

_Something must went very very wrong._

“What is it, Serena? Why are we stopping?” 

June stared at Serena’s poker face.

“The car broke down. Here, take this. We don’t have much time.” 

Serena shoved a bag that was on the back seat of the car into June’s hands and opened her side of the door.

“Follow me.”

Serena reached out her hands. June took it. 

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE WOODS / 11:00AM】

It reminded June of a short period of time before they spend the whole night at the cabin.

They were running in the woods then.

They were running in the woods now.

The similarity was, June had no clue where they were heading.

Normally June hated not knowing things, not to mention that this was a matter of life and death. But unlike before, this time it’s different. Serena was involved. So June didn’t say anything and only held Serena’s hand a little tighter.

“Wow, easy, easy. Are you okay?”

About an hour into the woods, June noticed Serena was walking a little funny. Kind of like a toddler.

When the two of them were going through an especially rough mound and Serena slipped and fell onto the ground, it hit June.

_Her gunshot leg._

_How the fuck did i forget?_

“Yes, i’m fine...we just need to keep going.” Serena brushed the wet leaves off of her stained dress and took June’s hand to stand up again.

“Are you sure? We can take a little break.” June wiped away some mud that got stuck on Serena’s forehead.

_Stupid fucking rain._

“We can’t afford a little break.” Serena said once her breathing rhythm became normal.

“Fine, we can go a littler slower then.” June changed her voice into the kind she always used when she wanted Hannah to behave. Serena didn’t oppose.

“Where are we going?” 

June asked fifteen minutes later.

“Up north.” 

Beads of sweats were dripping down Serena’s face, but her voice was still calm.

_Up north?_

_The airport._

“THAT’S your plan?” 

June didn’t want to sound disapproving. But that’s just her voice.

“Do you have a better one?” 

It’s no surprise that Serena’s tone came out sharp.

“I...” 

June didn’t know what to say. And she sure did not have a better plan. Or any plan.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Serena stopped and looked at the woman beside her in the eyes.

“It’s okay. I just wish you had told me sooner.” June could see that Serena was genuinely sorry.

“Well, we can’t have you stealing all the thunder, can we?” Serena put on a mischievous smile.

“You’re such a brat.” June rolled her eyes.

****************

“June?”

Another fifteen minutes later, Serena voiced out suddenly.

“Yes?”

June had one arm around Serena’s waist and the other carrying the bag.

“Can you promise me one thing?” Serena sounded like a child who knocked down the vase accidentally and was trying to apologize to her parents.

“What is it?”

June didn’t know what could possibly be more important than getting them out of the woods but she still asked in a soft voice.

_Geez, Osborne. Whipped enough?_

“Just promise me. Please.” The last word made June’s feet stopped its motion.

Serena didn’t use the word “Please” very much like how she did with the cursing words. 

June remembered the very first “Please” Serena said to her was when the woman called her by her real name for the first time. And Serena used a lot of Pleases when she went into labor and the blonde was begging the doctor to save her.

So June surrendered.

“Okay, i promise. Now what is it?” June frowned and stretched her sore arms.

“When the time comes, leave without me.” Serena’s hands were resting on her own knees now.

“Don’t be absurd.” June said with a scoff.

“I’m serious June, i don’t know how much time i have left before my legs finally give up on me.” There was a stream of sadness in Serena’s voice.

“Well, i’m not, giving up on you. Never.” June put both of her hands on each side of Serena’s face and said decidedly.

“We can’t let Nicole become an orphan.” Serena stared at June with such determination.

“She won’t. She’ll have her mother back. **Both of her mothers.**” June stared back into Serena’s eyes with equal determination.

She could be stubborn as hell when she wanted to.

“June...”

There was a time when June didn’t want Serena to stop saying her real name. But right now she just wanted the tall woman to shut the hell up.

“Shut up Serena, i’m trying to support your weight here.”

June resumed to her previous position and they started walking again.

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE FRINGE / 12:00AM】

Half an hour had past, Serena stopped their footsteps.

“June.” Serena said a little breathlessly and June looked at her with a questioning look.

They made it to the edge of the woods. June could vaguely make out the outline of the open airport and the iron gauze. 

Just across a footpath and they would be there. They would be free.

“Take off your dress.” 

Normally this sort of jussive tone was the beginning of an R-rated movie that starring the two of them but now all June could do was to stare at the tall woman blankly. 

“Excuse me?”

_Is she serious?_

“Take it off.” 

Apparently June Osborne was an open book when she was in the presence of one Serena Joy. Because Serena took the bag from June’s hands and pulled out some clothes before waving them in front of June’s face while wearing an amused look.  
It was another set of the Wife’s dress.

“Where did you find this?”

June would be lying if she said her mind didn’t go to the cabin for a second. Her breath went shallow at the thought of that. 

“Don’t forget that even though i do truly detest knitting and sewing, i was rather good at it.”

By the time June took off her red dress, Serena was already waiting for her to step in the teal one.

After helping June with the zippers and the hat, Serena noticed that something was still missing. 

“Here, put these on.”

Serena took of her gloves and handed them to June.

“And this.”

June put the gloves on and saw something lying quietly in Serena’s palm.

Her wedding ring.

“What? Why would i need this?”

June already had a hunch why but she needed to hear it from Serena.

“Just take it.”

Serena took June’s hand.

“No.”

June avoided it.

“I’m not putting them on unless you tell me what’s the rest of the plan.”

June’s no longer okay with not knowing anything.

Serena knew how stubborn June can be sometimes, so she started explaining.

“It’s Nick.” 

Serena lowered her head and sighed. Her hands retreated to her sides. 

“It was suppose to be him waiting at the driveway this morning. And it was suppose to be him flying that plane to get us out of here.” 

Serena pointed to a medium-sized plane that was parking in the middle of the airport traffic area. June’s gaze followed Serena’s fingers and she saw the plane. She also spied out the hollow circle on the wire net.

“But we both know that’s not gonna happen.” 

Nick was a crucial part of Serena’s plan but something must’ve happened to him. Otherwise he would never abandon them. He was loyal. If not to neither of them, at least to Nicole.

“So you have to be a **Wife**.” Serena finished and looked up at June again.

It was always the plan anyway.

Two Gilead Wives attending the conference. 

“And you?”

June was still doubtful.

“I already am.”

Serena sounded desolate.

“That’s not what i...”

Serena cut June short by holding her index finger up and putting it on June’s mouth.

“Shh.”

Serena looked away from June’s face and at the fringe of the woods.

A cluster of cars were driving towards their direction. 

June turned and saw that too.

_The guards. Fucking Waterford._

“Serena?”

June whispered and looked back at the woman who’s finger was still on her mouth.

Serena moved her finger away and caressed June’s face with the same hand. She adjusted June’s hat to make it cover the tip of June’s left ear better.

“...beautiful.” 

Serena stared into her eyes with a look June didn’t understand.

“Now **RUN**.”

Serena kissed her.

“...Serena?”

June felt the sudden lack of warmth.

“Serena what are you doing?”

June saw Serena running towards the moving cars.

“For fuck’s sake Serena! Come back!!”

It was too late.

The guards spotted her. They came in line. Heavily armed.

June couldn’t compromise them both.

So she ran.

****************

She made it to the plane.

The hole on the net was a bitch but she managed to get through.

June went into the air freighter through the back and saw a man sitting on the pilot seat and she cleared her throat.

Just when she was about to put on her disguise as a wife, an idea flew crossed her mind.

_He looked familiar._

“Nick?”

June’s mouth opened before she could stop it.

“June?”

Nick’s tired but glad voice came from ahead.

_THANK GOD._

“Oh nick...”

June would’ve cried if this was the right time. Instead she buried her face in Nick’s chest.

“I know. Buckle up. We have to leave now.”

Nick didn’t give her time to process, already leading her towards the co-pilot’s seat.

“No! We have to go back! Serena’s still...”

June heard it when she was only one feet away from the plane’s entrance.

A sound of gun fired.

“June!”

Nick held her tightly when her knees gave up. He used so much strength it began to hurt.

“Serena chose this.”

Nick said after putting her on the co-pilot’s seat and buckled her up. 

That’s when June noticed the wound on Nick’s brow ridge. The ugly cut was still fresh and bleeding.

June’s gaze moved down a bit and caught his eyes. She wondered for a split second if her eyes were as red as his.

“She chose **you**.”

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE PLANE / 13:00PM】

In the midst of her mind wandering in foggy oblivion, and the plane she was currently in flying towards Northwest. June remembered something Serena said merely an hour ago.

“When the time comes, leave without me.” 

She didn’t say “**if**”, she said “**when**”.

June looked down at her trembling hands.

A pair of teal gloves and a golden wedding ring.

June finally understood that look on Serena’s face.

A silent goodbye.

_Fuck you, Serena Joy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I highly recommend you all to listen to the BGM for this chapter: “Slow Sun” by The Maccabees. I had the idea of writing this fic while listening to that song, it’s why i’m here talking to you in the first place. The lyrics seemed really fitting for our girls. 
> 
> And, i know, i know, i’m sorry for not letting Serena get on that plane.


	15. Walls of Washington

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BGM: BABEL — Mumford&Sons

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE PLANE / 20:45PM EST】

“What happened?”

June didn’t know how many hours had past after the plane took off. But she noticed it was already getting dark outside.

June looked at Nick who was sitting at the pilot seat. Still like a stone. His wound had stopped bleeding and the dried bloody tracks went from his brow down to his chin.

“I was supposed to be there to pick you up this morning. But someone came out of nowhere and knocked me down when i was checking the function of the car.”

His voice, even though waveless, still had a warmth attached to it like it always had been.

“I woke up in a warehouse with my hands and feet all tied up. There were a few soldiers keeping an eye on me and I recognized one of them.”

June listened dumbly. _He used to be an eye_. She thought.

“So i started making conversations about how it was wrong and they needed to let me go. They didn’t listen of course.”

June felt the plane took a turn. She looked outside the window. Sickening darkness.

“Eventually someone became impatient and threatened to kill me. I banged my head against his and caught him off guard.”

Nick didn’t say anything else but June was smart enough to figure out the rest.

“Hold on. We’re almost there.”

Nick warned her.

“Where?”

June grabbed onto her safety belt. She felt stupid to have ask that question.

“Switzerland.”

【NOVEMBER 24th / THE CONFERENCE ROOM / 21:00PM EST】

“Ma’am, do you think they’ll show up?”

A man with a pair of hawksbill glasses asked the woman who was sitting next to him. 

“You know how they are with their behind-time-custom, and seeing it as a display of status. So i wouldn’t worry too much. But if i were you, i would definitely worry about that pile of mess you got on your desk.”

The woman who got asked the question replied while staring at the closed main door.

The two of them were currently sitting in a conference room somewhere in Berne, Switzerland and they were accompanied by some Swiss officials. 

The meeting between Gilead and Canada was a secret so both party agreed on holding it in a neutral state. That’s also why they didn’t use the more formal building that the Swiss government suggested.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Hawksbill glasses blinked his eyes nervously and started to organize the documents in front of him.

“They’re here.”

Another man opened the door to the room and announced.

Incoming a woman dressed in blue.

****************

June looked outside the window and saw a man who was already there waiting for them when Nick was landing the plane. He welcomed them with a firm shake of hands.

June didn’t take his hand.

It didn’t seem to offend him because he smiled at June and introduced himself as a member of the Swiss Ministry of Foreign Affairs. And he said he would take them to the room where the meeting was held.

_Is his name Luca?_ June zoomed out at the time.

June grabbed nick’s hand before Luca (or whatever the man’s name was) opened the door to the conference room.

Nick nodded at her before letting go of her hand.

June stepped into the room and felt everyone’s gaze was on her. She hesitated a few seconds before walking to the nearest seat of the round table and stood beside it.

“Welcome, i’m the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Canada, Cristina Redo. Nice to finally meet you, Mrs...?”

A woman’s voice came from the other side of the room.

“June.”

June said in a small voice.

“I’m sorry?”

The woman who called herself Cristina questioned.

“My name is **June**.”

She looked up at the woman.

_She’s got kind eyes._

“Can i have a glass of water?”

****************

“That’s it. The whole story.”

June stared at the empty glass in front of her.

She drank almost a liter of water but she’s still parched as hell.

After she sat down on the chair she began to tell her story. Everything she knew about Gilead. Starting from the very beginning.

She ignored the rest of the people and their colourful faces and occasional gasps.

She was telling the story to and only to the woman who was sitting at her opposite.

June only needed one person to believe her.

One’s more than enough. 

The room was dead silent after she finished with her story. 

She left out the night at the cabin, and some other parts that involved Serena and the truth about their relationship. Some parts that nobody needed to know. Some parts that only belonged to the two of them.

“If what you said was entirely true that you were forced to become a Handmaid of Gilead and got mistreated inhumanely. Then I’m deeply sorry.” Cristina was the first one to speak. 

June nodded as a response.

“But i’m afraid we need more proof that just your testimony to actually do something about it.” Cristina eyed June and the blue dress she was wearing.

June didn’t understand.

_What else could they possibly need?_

“**I am** your evidence.”

June took off the Wife’s hat she’s been wearing this whole time and reveled her marked ear.

“Plus, didn’t you already have the letters that **Moira**, my best friend, smuggled out of Gilead? And **Emily** and **Rita** and **Janine** and baby **Charlotte** and **Hannah** and **Ni**...” 

June didn’t finish. She couldn’t. The though of Nicole made her think of Serena.

And the gunshot.

“We do...I’m sorry. I think it’s best that we take a little break, Miss Osborne.” 

It’s weird and highly inappropriate, but June swear she saw Cristina gave her an approving look.

_Was that a test?_

_Did i pass?_

【NOVEMBER 27th / CANADA】

(THE SAFE HOUSE / 4:00 AM) 

It’s been three three days since June got out of Gilead. 

Cristina believed her and the Canadian government promised her that they will do something about Gilead and soon. They just needed resources and plans. 

They were on the same side now.

June stared at the ceiling of the room she’s currently in.

Even though the Canadian government was generous enough to give her a two-story house with a big living room as her temporary residence, June still slept in the cramped attic.

It reminded her of the last room she had slept in for years and the time she spent there. Not as a handmaid but as Nicole’s mother.

June hadn’t been able to sleep for the last three days, not even one minute. 

It’s not like she didn’t want to. She’s exhausted.

She tried. She really tried.

But every time she closed her eyes, she saw Serena.

The Serena who was making her breakfast while joking about her unhealthy eating habits. The Serena who breathed evenly and peacefully while being held by her from behind for the first time. And the Serena who ran towards the moving cars without saying goodbye. 

Eventually she stopped trying.

(LUKE BANKOLE’S HOUSE / 11:55AM) 

“Anything?” Moira asked as soon as she stepped into the kitchen. She just got back from grocery shopping.

“No.” Luke Bankole was sitting beside the dinning table while hold a coffee mug in his hands. He hadn’t shaved in three days.

They knew June got out.

Their handler told them that. But he didn’t reveal the location of June’s safe house due to confidentiality issues. He only told them that June had their number and can call them under her own free will.

They’ve been taking turns for any outdoor activities making sure that someone was always home in case June called.

“I’m sure she’ll call.” Moira poured herself a cup of coffee after putting a couple of shopping bags on the kitchen counter.

“What if she doesn’t?” Luke said still staring at their only phone that’s on the wall.

“Then she doesn’t. There’s nothing we can do about it.” Moira took a sip of her coffee.

Moira understood why June hadn’t called yet.

She herself didn’t want to get in touch with anyone when she got of that shithole months ago.

It took her way much longer than three days to turn to Luke.

So she knew the only thing they could do was wait.

“Ugh, how did you drink this shit? Imma make a new pot. And you, Mister?” Moira poured the rest of her coffee into the sewer and turned around to look at Luke.

“You could really need a bath.” Moira laughed when Luke grunted something under his breath and went into the bathroom.

(THE SAFE HOUSE / NOON)

June picked up the table phone that was in the living room of the safe house for the hundredth time since she got here.

It’s not that she didn’t want to call them.

She just didn’t know what to say.

_What am i suppose to say?_

_Hey, it’s me, do you want to go out for some ice-creams?_

_Yeah, everything’s good. It’s perfect._

_Oh and by the way, Nicole has two mothers and one of them is the woman who build Gilead from the ground up._

_She’s the reason i’m still alive._

_And she may or may not be dead, it was all my fault._

_But enough about me, how are you? Anything new with your life?_

June looked at the piece of paper the Minister gave her and a series of numbers on it.

She dialed the numbers.

“...”

It rang through.

Neither side spoke.

June listened as the breathing that came from the other side became heavier and heavier until she heard Luke’s voice for the first time in almost four years.

“...June?” 

She burst out crying.

【NOVEMBER 28th / WASHINGTON / 12:00AM】

The mission to destroy Gilead was a huge success.

And it didn’t cost them many trouble to bring the whole Nation down.

It was already falling apart anyway.

It had been since the very beginning.

So when the Canadian government exposed the true nature of Gilead and what they’ve done by revealing and publicizing the letters on global media, and joined forces with the PKF and launched the operation while getting extra help from MAYDAY within Gilead itself, there was nothing holding them back.

Peace reigned, order restored, they won the war with zero casualties.

June saw people laughing and crying and reuniting with their loved ones and she was happy for them from the bottom of her heart.

But that’s not the reason why she’s here at the brand new Washington State Supreme Court.

“Miss Osborne?”

A male voice came from behind her.

“You may see him now.”

June nodded.

****************

June looked at the man who was sitting across from her.

Fred Waterford was wearing the orange prison uniform and his hands and feet were cuffed. Ball and chain and everything.

That’s why she’s here.

“Where is she?”

June cut to the chase right away.

“Shouldn’t i be asking you that?”

Even as a war criminal, Fred still hadn’t lost his feigned attitude. 

_Pious little shit._

“Stop fucking around, Fred. I know it was you who sent the guards.” June wanted to smash his stupid face into mash.

“I did. But they never reported back.” 

Fred looked better than the last time June saw him. Considering the fact that he could barely move his arms at the time, and now he can talk out of his ass without breaking a sweat. 

“I heard the car she was in had an accident. But that’s all i know.”

He looked at June like he still owed her.   
“And you didn’t ask?”

June’s patience were running out.

“Why would i? She betrayed me. I don’t care about someone who’s useless.”

Fred shrugged his shoulders.

“But YOU...you cared, aren’t you? And you cared A LOT.”

He used an assertive sentence.

And he smiled. Like king of the world.

June stood up and walked to the door.

“We’re done here.”

June said to the police officer outside.

“I told you she will never leave Gilead.”

The poor officer had to use all of his strength to save Fred from being choked to death by June.

【NOVEMBER 30th / THE SAFE HOUSE / 12:00AM】

June opened the door of the safe house while balancing her daughter’s crib and some supplies goods in between her hands. She just came back from the court. 

She was there to fill out some forms and go through some judicial procedures for her and Nicole. 

She’s officially not a fugitive nor a refugee any more.

She’s got a green card and Nicole got her own birth certificate.

_“Name: Nicole Holly Osborne”_

_“Date of Birth: November 2, 2017”_

_“Nationality: Canadian”_

_“Parents: June Osborne & Serena Joy”_

June looked down at the piece of paper in her hands.

She thought of a conversation Serena and she once had.

_“What’s wrong with the name ‘Nicole’?” Serena looked up at June from the roses she was tending._

_“And what’s wrong with the name ‘Holly’?” June, 33 weeks pregnant and sitting on the rocking chair in Serena’s greenhouse, questioned back._

_“I asked first.” Serena looked at the pregnant woman while holding the scissor._

_“Nothing’s wrong with ‘Nicole’. I just want to name her after my mother, the woman who gave birth to me, that’s all.” June closed her eyes only to open them five seconds later._

_“Are you crying?” June noticed Serena’s breathing had changed._

_“No.” Serena just kept trimming her roses._

_“Great, because that’s gross and it doesn’t suit you. And i wouldn’t have believed you if you did.” June closed her eyes again._

_“FINE. I’ll write your name down on the parent column, how’s that?” June offered when the sound of Serena sniffing her nose became too annoyed._

_Fucking Crocodile._

_“You promise?” The utter joy in Serena’s voice made June want to take back her words._

_“I promise. Not can you please switch back to the bitch Serena i knew and preferred?” June rolled her eyes while rubbing her belly._

_That night, June noticed there were fresh white roses in her vase._

Nicole’s crying brought June back into reality.

June scooped Nicole up from the baby crib and started rocking her daughter back and forth.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay baby, Momma’s here.” June pressed Nicole’s face gently to her chest and said in a soothing voice.

But baby Nicole kept crying even after June made sure that she was not hungry and that she didn’t need a diaper change.

Serena was the one who’s better at dealing with Nicole. 

They had a connection that even June envied.

When Nicole was still in the incubator, her heart would beat stronger whenever Serena’s around. And Serena’s eyes would always go softer at the mention of Nicole’s name. 

Sometimes June wondered if the tall blonde had some kind of magical power. Otherwise it just didn’t make any sense that a crying Nicole would calm down the second she’s in Serena’s arms.

“You missed your Mommy didn’t you?” Finally June gave up and she stopped pacing around. They stood in the middle of the living room.

Mommy.

They debated about what Nicole should call them one night when June was resting on the couch and Serena sitting beside her knitting. The night before June’s water broke and scared the hell out of both of them -- mostly Serena, June was in too much pain to think straight. 

Serena won the title of “Mommy” with a very strong argument -- “because Hannah already calls you ‘Mommy’” and a kiss on June’s belly.

When Serena looked up, June saw her own reflection in that ocean blue.

There was nothing but her.

June buried her face in Nicole’s fuzzy baby hair.

_I miss her too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about Nicole’s DOB, I used the year that the show aired, since my storyline and the show’s had many overlaps in the beginning.   
And about Nicole’s Nationality, i mean, June and Serena would’ve wanted their girl to have nothing to do with Gilead or whatever country that piece of land turned into when Gilead got destroyed.  
And i have to admit that i don’t know the correct form of the Canadian Birth Certificate. So i apologize if there’s any mistakes.


	16. Wither Thou Goest

【DECEMBER 31st / THE SAFE HOUSE / 11:15PM】

Things had been a little...awkward.

Not that she’s not glad she had Luke and Moira back in her life. It’s just that they were always cautious and gingerly around her.

Every time she went to their house to see Hannah, Luke would stay away but not far from and watching them play. 

June could see in his eyes that he wanted to talk or at least just exchange some sentences about meaningless things but he didn’t know how.

And June didn’t know how either.

After all, she’s not the June she was four years ago, and Luke was...well, still Luke. 

Father of Hannah. Friend of Moira. Her **husband**.

With Moira though, it was less awkward since they shared some similar experiences. But it was those different parts of experiences which involved a certain blonde that really wore June out. So she said “fine” every time when Moira asked her how she was doing.

And it was not only Luke and Moira. 

No matter where she went, whether it was the helping group that she was legally obliged to go to or the freaking supermarket, people always treated her with care and kindness and encouragements of sorts.

People treated her as a victim of Gilead.

It’s sickening and suffocating.

She’s not a victim. She didn’t want to be.

June stood beside the kitchen counter twirling the wine glass in her hands. 

The house was quiet and it was what June wanted. She already sent Nicole to Luke and Moira’s.

Five years ago, June would’ve thrown a big party and invited everyone she knew. But it was the twenty-second day of freedom and it was the thirty-seventh day of insomnia.

So she wanted to spent the new year’s eve alone.

With Whiskey.

That’s why she agreed to the grand Christmas party that Luke and Moira held in their house a few days ago, so that they can leave her alone on this day and babysitting Nicole. 

Everyone she could possibly know was at the party.

Luke and Moira were the hosts. Emily and her wife Sylvia and their son Oliver were the first ones to come and helped with the meals. Janine and baby Charlotte showed up with Rita who was carrying a massive amount of carefully-wrapped presents. Even Nick and his black shirt attended.

By the time June knocked on the door while carrying Nicole, they were already waiting for them. Hannah was the one who answered the door and she gave June a long hug.

It was a vibrant party, just like Luke and Moira promised.

It made sense. Gilead is... well, there was no longer a “Gilead”.

That fact alone was worth celebrating for.

And everyone’s happy.

Except for June.

But she should, shouldn’t she?

She’s got both of her daughters back and her husband and best friend back and managed to save lots and lots of lives.

Not to mention that she’s still alive. Still breathing. And had the liberty to choose.

So why wasn’t she happy?

June poured herself another glass of Whiskey and went to the living room taking the bottle with her. She sat down on the sofa that was too big for one person.

She drank the glass clean sip by sip while staring at the glass table in front of her.

When she reached out to the table’s surface for the bottle and tried to pour herself yet another drink, she accidentally knocked the big thing over.

“Shit!”

June went into the kitchen to get some napkins and got tripped over by the stool on her way back to the living room, but she got up right away and wiped the spilled liquid clean and saved the thing that was on the table.

Serena’s gloves.

“For fuck’s sake, Osborne.”

June picked up the damp thing in her hands and cursed herself out loud. 

It was the only thing Serena left.

Even though that wasn’t true because technically Serena also left her a wedding ring and Nicole.

But June’s drunk and she didn’t give a rat’s ass.

“Can you wash this in the machine?” June’s not sure who she was asking but there were words coming out of her mouth.

“I don’t really know.” June answered herself.

It’s not a surprise that a drunken June used her last bit of sense to try to assess the damage and it took her five whole minutes to pick both of the gloves up from the table. 

But it was a big ass surprise, shock really, that she found a letter that was folded nicely and being sewed into the lining of the gloves. 

Before June’s mind could take a second to figure out what she should do with this new information, her hands had already cut open the stitches and took the letter out clumsily.

When her eyes recognized the handwriting on the cover of the letter, June’s mind finally became functional again. And then she started shaking uncontrollably and put the letter on the glass table with the face down.

June went into the bathroom and turned on the water tap and closed it when the water began to overflow the edge of the sink.

She dipped her head into the water and held her breath.

Ten minutes later, June walked out of the bathroom with her hair wet and her mind clear. 

June sat on the floor leaning against the sofa’s rim and picked up the letter.

On the covers was Serena’s chirography -- 

_To June,_  
_The mother of my daughter,_   
_My dearest and my heart and soul,_   
_MY JUNE_

June opened the letters with trembling hands, and inside it’s written--

June,   
Hi.   
It’s me, Serena.  
As i’m writing this letter, you’re sound asleep beside me on what’s became OUR bed for the past weeks and months with your hair covering half of your face and your body warm. Yet still restless. You didn’t change much Missy. But i did. Oh i sure did.  
Today we launched a war against Gilead, an unscrupulous place that i helped created, and i couldn’t be happier. I’m sorry that i can’t let you know more about my plan but i’m sure you’ll understand.  
It breaks my heart to say it but if you’re reading this, then i probably didn’t make it. Or at least didn’t make it well enough to be there with you and Nicole.   
NICHOLE. God, I wish i did make it.  
I want to tell you how much i appreciate you calling her that. But words failed me every time and i guess you already knew what i want to say.  
You always know. Right?

It’s funny isn’t it?  
Two people that in any common senses should be hating each other into pieces ended up finding themselves in the other person.  
I guess the universe does have its wicked sense of humor.

When did it all start?  
I’m not sure about you but for me, i lost a long time ago when i hugged you from behind in this very room. I know it was not a competition, or it’s not suppose to be one, but i lost anyway.   
I lost in your clear crystal blue eyes and i lost in the way you looked at me.

I’ve always wondered if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that we met under these unusual circumstances.   
I hate Gilead. I hate everything and everyone in it. I had thought of bringing it down before if i’m being completely honest. But i didn’t know how or where to start. So eventually i caved in. I buried myself in gardening and painting. I became a good WIFE.  
But my hatred for it had mixed with some other feelings that i can’t put a name to. Because as twisted as it is, Gilead is the reason why you and i met.

I will never forget that day.   
I was not in a good mood to say the least. When i woke up that morning every part of my body hurt. After the breakfast i went to the greenhouse only to find that i didn’t close the door properly the night before and my roses were in a critical shape. Just when i saved most of them and went back to the house for some cleaning up, Aunt Lydia told me that the new Handmaid had arrived.  
And there you were standing in that little room and i walked in and you looked at me in the eyes.  
I felt SEEN.  
You didn’t see a Commander’s wife with a ridiculous act of affectation and a pathetic facade. You saw ME. I was fucking terrified to say the least. Because nobody ever did. Not my mother not even Fred, actually least of all Fred. And everything i did ever since, good and bad, was me trying to hold on to the little dignity i had left, if i did have any.  
I failed, of course, epically.  
But how could i not? When i’m standing in front of life?  
Yes, that’s what you are. LIFE.   
Life of every single piece of remaining hope in this world and as well as mine.   
Too bad i realized that a little bit too late.   
I’m sorry that i used that word again. But i don’t think i ever thought of you as one.  
Deep down in my heart you were always JUNE to me. And I’d like to see that day, the day we met, as the first day of the rest of my life.

You saved me, June.   
You helped me became the person that i knew i could be. You pulled the drowning me out of the water and you gave me a direction, a purpose.   
And a daughter.  
I can never thank you enough for bringing Nicole into my life. She’s the sweet juice of the golden apple and you are my angel flung out of space.  
You have no idea how happy i was when you said the other day that Nicole had my eyes and my weird sleeping habits (she does, doesn’t she?). At that moment i looked at you and our daughter and i forgot where i was for a second. It felt so surreal.  
I’ve always wanted to be a mother but never in a million years had i imagined it would be like this.  
I wouldn’t trade this for anything else though.   
Do you know why?  
Because you taught me how to love.  
A thing that I never thought i’m capable of.  
But I do, love you, June. I do.

I’ve pictured it so many times.   
Of our little apartment in Canada nears the big cities but not too much.   
Of our little fight over what color should we paint our walls (i’m thinking maybe beige? To give it a bright tone) and you win the argument in the end like you always do.   
Of waking up next to you every morning and drifting off to sleep with you in my arms without the fear of ever being broken apart.  
I know, it sounds very cliche. Stop it, i can see you rolling your eyes.  
But it’s the truth.  
I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and Nicole.  
I will not let you down. Both of you.

I am a religious woman and i always will be.  
My God said “love thy neighbor as thyself” and I didn’t. I’ve paid my price.   
I know better now.  
So trust me when i say that i’m going to give you a goodnight kiss after i’m finished with this letter.  
And trust me when i say that you and Nicole are the best things that’s ever happened to me and for that i will be eternally grateful.  
And trust me when i say that even if i’m not there with you physically, i AM with you.  
So don’t cloud those beautifully blues eyes over what may happen to me.

_For whither thou goest, i will go; And where thou lodgest i will lodge;_   
_Thy people shall be my people, and thy god my god._

YOURS  
Serena Joy

June held the letter close to her chest.

The clock in the living room struck twelve.

_Happy New Year Serena._

_ **I love you too.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap on “When We Rise”!!!
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you again, really. I can’t believe i finished it and i can’t believe that there are people who actually like it (and love it). Oh my heart.  
Here’s a few fun facts for y’all.
> 
> 1\. “The gloves” is a secret homage to one of my favourite films “Finger Smith”, if you’ve seen it, you would know the meaning of it and what it represents. And if you haven’t seen it that’s totally fine, I just love the idea that the only thing Serena left for June was something that once was a status symbol in Gilead.
> 
> 2\. “flung out of space” is obviously because of the movie “Carol”. I finished reading the original novel “The Price of Salt” a few weeks ago and it was brilliant.
> 
> 3\. The last chapter’s title “Wither Thou Goest” as well as the last bit of the Bible verses is another homage to yet another one of my favourite films (and books) “Fried Green Tomatoes”, of course the book’s title is a bit longer -- “Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe”. I’m not ashamed to say that i cry every time when i re-watch the film. I just LOVE the story so much and i highly recommend you all to read it.
> 
> 4\. Did anyone notice that this work’s title and also every chapter’s title all started with the letter “W”? Look back if you don’t believe me. I didn’t do it on purpose i swear -- for the first three chapters. After that i totally did it on purpose LOL.
> 
> 5\. Let’s see if there’s anything i forgot to mentioned...Hmm...Nah, i don’t think so.
> 
> 6\. Oh wait! I forgot to wish you all a nice day and a nice life!
> 
> 7\. Bye now. And until wee meet again.


End file.
